I think one of the biggest lies involving the wedding day is that it is all about the bride - what she wants, how she wants things to look, who she wants to be there, etc. Yes, the groom does come into play in making those decisions, but really it's about the bride.
That thinking has definitely crossed my mind more than once. I start fuming about something silly, get irked and out of sorts in a heartbeat if something does not feel like it is quite "right." I have been seeking so hard to surrender things to God, to remember things will not be perfect, but still there are those moments.
Today I was having one of those fuming moments. It was really silly what I was getting upset about, yet things were not going to be what I wanted and I felt like I kept having to give in on areas I really didn't want to.
And then God reminded me of an important truth - the wedding is not about me. I like to pretend that it is, act like it is. Other people also indulge this fantasy with me, but it is not. The wedding day itself, as is the whole marriage, is about and for God's glory. I've been asking God to work and move through the wedding day - yet, I had forgotten that if God moves, if God makes the day his, it will not be mine. It will not be about making things perfect on my end, it will be about allowing him to move as he wills.
This does not mean I will lose my opinion or say, but it will mean ALL of it will need to be held with open hands - allowing God to change, move, and redirect as he sees fit.
May I continue to learn this in every aspect of my life - that even if I think something is about me, it's really not. It's really all for God's glory so he will move as needed so as to best display his gracious goodness, mercy, and glory.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Learning through a Move
Today, I moved most (not all) of my stuff to Magnus' place (which will be our place in 13 days - yikes!). It's an interesting choice of time to move in this area - many people finish finals and then bolt, many more are simply working. The night before I knew of two extra people who were going to help (outside Magnus and his parents). I was thankful, but knew it would be a long day with the move. I prayed for more help, but had no idea if anyone else would come.
Then the morning came, and God just gently brought people to help at the exact right time. I think what especially touched me was that it was some people I really did not know well, but who just were willing to pitch in (one came via a phone call and when he found that there was a need, he just showed up!).
After it was over - and over much more quickly then I expected - I was just thanking God for his grace. That's all I could attribute it to, his abundant grace poured out in this move by drawing people to help and encourage us through the process.
What a precious blessing to have a God who cares about the everyday details of our life - who knows what we need before we do and prepares the way before us.
Then the morning came, and God just gently brought people to help at the exact right time. I think what especially touched me was that it was some people I really did not know well, but who just were willing to pitch in (one came via a phone call and when he found that there was a need, he just showed up!).
After it was over - and over much more quickly then I expected - I was just thanking God for his grace. That's all I could attribute it to, his abundant grace poured out in this move by drawing people to help and encourage us through the process.
What a precious blessing to have a God who cares about the everyday details of our life - who knows what we need before we do and prepares the way before us.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
God's Thinking of Me
I forget that God has me on his mind. I really do. I forget that he cares about my hurt, pain, frustration and stress. I also often forget that he has a much bigger picture he is looking at. Then, God will work in unexpected ways to remind me he is thinking of me.
I feel like I see this the most through friends who give me a call when I feel like I really need it, but am not necessarily looking for it. I don't know why, but this always does something amazing to my soul when a friend calls when I am not expecting it. I think there is this sense of comfort to know that I was randomly (or maybe not so randomly) on someone's mind and that they then called.
I love seeing the Church at work, feeling the Church at work. It is a beautiful reminder of the greatness of our God and how he so often works through "ordinary" believers.
Even when I don't get those calls, though, I pray that my view of God is stretched so that I learn to see him continually as a loving God who cares for me, is for me, and is always at work on my behalf.
I feel like I see this the most through friends who give me a call when I feel like I really need it, but am not necessarily looking for it. I don't know why, but this always does something amazing to my soul when a friend calls when I am not expecting it. I think there is this sense of comfort to know that I was randomly (or maybe not so randomly) on someone's mind and that they then called.
I love seeing the Church at work, feeling the Church at work. It is a beautiful reminder of the greatness of our God and how he so often works through "ordinary" believers.
Even when I don't get those calls, though, I pray that my view of God is stretched so that I learn to see him continually as a loving God who cares for me, is for me, and is always at work on my behalf.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
My Feelings and God's Truth
This semester has been one where I continue to desire more of God, yet continue to feel God far off. He feels distant, even in the midst of seeing him move around me. I feel him come close for moments, but a continuing sense of his presence has alluded me. I don't know what or why, honestly, but I know it has (and is) a struggle. I keep waiting for something to change, but silence and distance remain. I've wondered about what I may be doing wrong, what I need to do different, but nothing surfaces. Still I wait.
As I've gotten frustrated and irritated about this, in and through this experience, I was talking to God and just kept asking him what I needed to do. I had the realization that this is probably part of the problem. I keep trying to "fix" the problem, to "do" something so that I will no longer feel so distant. But that's not how God works; that's not who he is. God is not obligated to respond to my work - that would be legalism and be spitting upon the grace that God desires to freely pour out.
So I must learn to rest. I must learn to delight in God, be still before him, continue to trust, believe, and hold onto his goodness. I cannot do anything to close this gap that I feel between me and God (though I can continue engaging in "means of grace" areas - prayer, Bible study, fellowship, confession, meditation, etc.). This gap may continue for years, months, or days. I'm really not sure. But striving to have it cease will not change God. Accepting who God is, who the Bible says he is, and continuing to trust, hope, and believe that he is who he says he is and he will act (even if not in our timing) is what is ultimate. My feelings do not define God, or even (always), my relationship with God.
Our God is good, faithful, and true - regardless of how we are feeling about him.
As I've gotten frustrated and irritated about this, in and through this experience, I was talking to God and just kept asking him what I needed to do. I had the realization that this is probably part of the problem. I keep trying to "fix" the problem, to "do" something so that I will no longer feel so distant. But that's not how God works; that's not who he is. God is not obligated to respond to my work - that would be legalism and be spitting upon the grace that God desires to freely pour out.
So I must learn to rest. I must learn to delight in God, be still before him, continue to trust, believe, and hold onto his goodness. I cannot do anything to close this gap that I feel between me and God (though I can continue engaging in "means of grace" areas - prayer, Bible study, fellowship, confession, meditation, etc.). This gap may continue for years, months, or days. I'm really not sure. But striving to have it cease will not change God. Accepting who God is, who the Bible says he is, and continuing to trust, hope, and believe that he is who he says he is and he will act (even if not in our timing) is what is ultimate. My feelings do not define God, or even (always), my relationship with God.
Our God is good, faithful, and true - regardless of how we are feeling about him.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Deadening Silence
Have you ever gone through seasons when it feels like God is absolutely silent? Where it feels like he answers other people's prayers, but not yours? Or maybe he does answer some prayers, but not the ones that are really heavy on your heart? I've been feeling like that for the past three or so months as I entered this semester and some new and challenging situations. It's been hard to be walking towards marriage with a man I love and treasure and at the same time to be fighting for answers from God that he doesn't seem willing (or ready) to give me.
Today, a friend's very simple email to me convicted me that while I entered into some of these situations willingly (some, not so willingly) in every instance I feel like I have been running hard to find a way out. I have not been seeking to truly learn what God has, to allow my heart to be content, and to bring God glory through it. No, I have been burying my head, gritting my teeth, and running... and that running has lead to deadening silence and a lack of peace.
It can be hard to see, but every season is a gift from God - I often want to return these gifts to God, but that's more of the lack of perspective on my part then anything else. I hope and pray God continues to grow my perspective and increase my understanding of his great and deep love, especially when I am in seasons (and situations) that do not feel like a good "gift" to me.
Today, a friend's very simple email to me convicted me that while I entered into some of these situations willingly (some, not so willingly) in every instance I feel like I have been running hard to find a way out. I have not been seeking to truly learn what God has, to allow my heart to be content, and to bring God glory through it. No, I have been burying my head, gritting my teeth, and running... and that running has lead to deadening silence and a lack of peace.
It can be hard to see, but every season is a gift from God - I often want to return these gifts to God, but that's more of the lack of perspective on my part then anything else. I hope and pray God continues to grow my perspective and increase my understanding of his great and deep love, especially when I am in seasons (and situations) that do not feel like a good "gift" to me.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Small Blessings
I tend to overlook the "small" answers to prayer or blessings I receive. The whole "30 days of Thankfulness" on facebook is great - it reminds people to regularly look at what God has blessed one with. Today, for example, was a beautiful day, I got RSVP cards finding out more friends will be celebrating with us (which always makes me smile), and the tiara and necklace I ordered came in.
I was thanking God for these and in the middle was reminded of the prayer he has yet to answer - namely in regards to a job and future stuff for Magnus and I, realizing I still do not have a sense of WHAT to pray for. This annoys and frustrates me. I will easily get my focus off of being thankful and on to my needs.
Yet Jesus, while on earth, gave us a model of what to pray - The Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13). Even when facing the unknown, our Lord has provided us with a manner in which to pray and seek him. So isn't that one more thing to be thankful for in the midst of a struggle?
I was thanking God for these and in the middle was reminded of the prayer he has yet to answer - namely in regards to a job and future stuff for Magnus and I, realizing I still do not have a sense of WHAT to pray for. This annoys and frustrates me. I will easily get my focus off of being thankful and on to my needs.
Yet Jesus, while on earth, gave us a model of what to pray - The Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13). Even when facing the unknown, our Lord has provided us with a manner in which to pray and seek him. So isn't that one more thing to be thankful for in the midst of a struggle?
Thursday, November 15, 2012
The Power of Scripture
I have, quite frankly, been continuing to struggle with writing. This has frustrated me as blogging/writing is something I genuinely enjoy doing. Busyness has crept in along with distractions and, quite frankly, sin. I have just felt like my head has been under water and I have nothing relevant to say (not that I do, but often God grants something).
Today, though, I realized part of my problem - I have not been in Scripture (the Bible) as I should. I sat down and just read and soaked in truth. Allowed it to encourage and uplift my heart, allowed it to speak to me and reprove me, allowed it to alter my thinking and bring it in line with truth. In all that, I realized how much I have been studying the Scriptures (a valuable thing), but I had not been engaging in a relationship with Jesus through the Scriptures outside of these studies.
It is amazing how quickly I forget the truths of God's love and care for me, what my love and care for others is to look like, and so many other things when I go away from the Scriptures. I need these reminders. I need the truth constantly in front of me, the Spirit searching me through Scriptures.
May we learn to value, treasure, and be drawn to the wonderful truths of Scripture.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Time with Jesus
Today, while driving I started talking to Jesus. I really enjoy talking with Jesus in the car, actually, there's something about the relative quiet and the fact that driving by myself is simply not my favorite, so talking with Jesus just makes it that much better.
Then I felt a little guilty because I had not spent my normal "quiet time" with Jesus. I struggle with this. I know it is SO important to have time every day where you intentionally carve it out to spend with Jesus, but does it matter where or when it is? Is it worse to have time with Jesus in the car as opposed to in your house in the morning? I'm not sure about that.
What I do know is that no matter where you are, what you're doing, Jesus loves to spend time with you. He wants to hear your heart - good, bad and ugly - and he's ok if you tell him more than once. He wants your praise - I know that sounds selfish, but when you love someone isn't the best reflection how much you talk about the him/her? That's praising Jesus. We also need to allow the Holy Spirit to direct us and not rely simply on our own humanistic understanding.
So no matter where you are (or I am) - in the car, in your house, or in Starbucks - the important thing is to bring your heart to Jesus. Acknowledge his presence, allow the Holy Spirit to move, and continue to praise him with every breath.
Then I felt a little guilty because I had not spent my normal "quiet time" with Jesus. I struggle with this. I know it is SO important to have time every day where you intentionally carve it out to spend with Jesus, but does it matter where or when it is? Is it worse to have time with Jesus in the car as opposed to in your house in the morning? I'm not sure about that.
What I do know is that no matter where you are, what you're doing, Jesus loves to spend time with you. He wants to hear your heart - good, bad and ugly - and he's ok if you tell him more than once. He wants your praise - I know that sounds selfish, but when you love someone isn't the best reflection how much you talk about the him/her? That's praising Jesus. We also need to allow the Holy Spirit to direct us and not rely simply on our own humanistic understanding.
So no matter where you are (or I am) - in the car, in your house, or in Starbucks - the important thing is to bring your heart to Jesus. Acknowledge his presence, allow the Holy Spirit to move, and continue to praise him with every breath.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
The Changing of the Seasons (and of the heart)
It finally feels like Fall here - I know, it's almost November, but that's how long it takes here! I love the seasons. I love watching things change, how they die and then come to life again. It's awesome.
I also thinks it's a beautiful spiritual portrayal. Maybe (and especially) because I feel like in the Fall sin tends to stir up and be revealed; stated another way - my sin (and fleshly habits) must die.
I've seen the cycle happen a few times. God is at work in my heart revealing sin, I am convicted, and begin the process of walking in repentance (this is always a process for me because old sin habits die hard).
By Spring - new life! I am learning to walk in victory and repentance and beginning to see fruit! Though, of course, there are still setbacks. But, oh the joy of the seasons in playing out God's work in one's heart.
Isn't our God great?
I also thinks it's a beautiful spiritual portrayal. Maybe (and especially) because I feel like in the Fall sin tends to stir up and be revealed; stated another way - my sin (and fleshly habits) must die.
I've seen the cycle happen a few times. God is at work in my heart revealing sin, I am convicted, and begin the process of walking in repentance (this is always a process for me because old sin habits die hard).
By Spring - new life! I am learning to walk in victory and repentance and beginning to see fruit! Though, of course, there are still setbacks. But, oh the joy of the seasons in playing out God's work in one's heart.
Isn't our God great?
Monday, October 22, 2012
God's Constant Love
A friend came over to visit yesterday. She said she had been praying for me and wanted to come and chat. I welcomed her gladly, but wasn't quite sure as to the "what" of the content of the visit.
I had shared with this friend some of my struggles over the past few weeks and she felt God had given her insight. What it boiled down to was this - I wasn't trusting God (vague, huh?)
As she gently and lovingly prodded me, my soul began to stir and this simple truth surfaced - I have this internal fear that God's consistent, loving presence is not always with me. This causes fear, panic, and uncertainty.
I can sit in seminary classes and learn ABOUT God all day - but knowing God, experiencing God is often a different thing altogether. It's about opening your heart and allowing God the Holy Spirit to search those deep places, reveal sin, bring conviction, and grant repentance.
It's scary. It's not fun to face old emotions and fears (trust me, these are old and deep); but the result brings healing, security.
We have been given armor to fight in the battle (Ephesian 6) and we have been told by Jesus to abide in him (John 14). Whether it's using our armor and fighting or simply resting in God's presence, we need to be with God more - allowing him to come in and have every aspect of our being.
When we come to see the lies and replace them with the truth, and then live daily in this truth - well, that is where amazing things happen within us.
May God continue to transform us - from the inside out.
I had shared with this friend some of my struggles over the past few weeks and she felt God had given her insight. What it boiled down to was this - I wasn't trusting God (vague, huh?)
As she gently and lovingly prodded me, my soul began to stir and this simple truth surfaced - I have this internal fear that God's consistent, loving presence is not always with me. This causes fear, panic, and uncertainty.
I can sit in seminary classes and learn ABOUT God all day - but knowing God, experiencing God is often a different thing altogether. It's about opening your heart and allowing God the Holy Spirit to search those deep places, reveal sin, bring conviction, and grant repentance.
It's scary. It's not fun to face old emotions and fears (trust me, these are old and deep); but the result brings healing, security.
We have been given armor to fight in the battle (Ephesian 6) and we have been told by Jesus to abide in him (John 14). Whether it's using our armor and fighting or simply resting in God's presence, we need to be with God more - allowing him to come in and have every aspect of our being.
When we come to see the lies and replace them with the truth, and then live daily in this truth - well, that is where amazing things happen within us.
May God continue to transform us - from the inside out.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Walking by Faith
When it comes to the point of fighting for joy, there must be a lot of walking by faith. Faith that God is who he says he is - merciful, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love (Ex. 34:6). We must believe that the Holy Spirit is at work making prayers for us when we can't (Romans 8:26). We must believe that we are not condemned (Romans 8:1) and that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38-39).
Basically, we must fall back on the truths of Scriptures. I believe these times are also times where we are refined - where we begin to see that while we may SAY God is in control, we worry like we are. While we may SAY that we are not under condemnation, we live under unhealthy guilt. Staying in the Word as we fight for our joy is an essential part of our walk of faith, for when our minds are clouded with lies, Scripture brings to light the truth and, through the conviction of the Holy Spirit, challenges us to correct our thinking and believe the whole truth of God.
Basically, we must fall back on the truths of Scriptures. I believe these times are also times where we are refined - where we begin to see that while we may SAY God is in control, we worry like we are. While we may SAY that we are not under condemnation, we live under unhealthy guilt. Staying in the Word as we fight for our joy is an essential part of our walk of faith, for when our minds are clouded with lies, Scripture brings to light the truth and, through the conviction of the Holy Spirit, challenges us to correct our thinking and believe the whole truth of God.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Fighting for Joy
John Piper has written a book called "When I don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy." I haven't read the book (yet), but I love the fact that Piper is honest enough to admit that sometimes Christians don't like (or want) to be around God. I like it, because sometime I hit those places and feel a little intimidated by saying that, by saying I don't want to be around Jesus.
Yet, recognizing this is important... because it usually means there is something deeper going on - some sin to repent of, some area where God wants to grow you.
So there you stand, fighting - fighting to WANT to spend time with Jesus in prayer, in the Word, and with other believers, but knowing you need to. Fighting to hear from God, to feel him move in your life, and waiting.
These seasons tend to be different lengths and can come at surprising times. They are never fun, but it is important to remember that he is faithful. The victory has already been won, we just have to stand firm.
Yet, recognizing this is important... because it usually means there is something deeper going on - some sin to repent of, some area where God wants to grow you.
So there you stand, fighting - fighting to WANT to spend time with Jesus in prayer, in the Word, and with other believers, but knowing you need to. Fighting to hear from God, to feel him move in your life, and waiting.
These seasons tend to be different lengths and can come at surprising times. They are never fun, but it is important to remember that he is faithful. The victory has already been won, we just have to stand firm.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Vows
This past weekend I started writing my vows to Magnus. I sat down and looked at the traditional vows and then I started looking up Scripture. I had SOOO much fun with it (though it's not totally done). It was taking time to contemplated how I love him and what I'm going to be committing to him - more than just romantic, gooshy feelings, but biblical, deep, honest commitments to him. What could strengthen my love for Magnus then to think through how I love him and how God has called me to love him?
Yet, how often do I sit down and contemplate these things of God? How often do I sit down and read the ways God loves me? Or (harder still) how I should love God? How often do I think through what should be beyond the feelings, but be some of the practical outworking of my love for God? Not often, let me tell you!
I think it would be good to reminded that, as a Christian, you are not under condemnation (Romans 8:1), to know that God has written down our days (Psalm 139:16) so nothing takes him by surprise. How good it would be to look at God's description of himself as merciful, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love (Exodus 34:6-7)?
I think my heart would be stayed a little by this, lightened, and strengthen through this. Anxiety and fear would dissipate, rest would ensue. We serve a wonderful God who has revealed much to us - much of how beautiful he is, especially in Jesus. Yet, this relationship needs strengthening and guarding. Let us learn to continue to keep our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:1-2), that we may be encouraged and fall more in love with him.
Yet, how often do I sit down and contemplate these things of God? How often do I sit down and read the ways God loves me? Or (harder still) how I should love God? How often do I think through what should be beyond the feelings, but be some of the practical outworking of my love for God? Not often, let me tell you!
I think it would be good to reminded that, as a Christian, you are not under condemnation (Romans 8:1), to know that God has written down our days (Psalm 139:16) so nothing takes him by surprise. How good it would be to look at God's description of himself as merciful, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love (Exodus 34:6-7)?
I think my heart would be stayed a little by this, lightened, and strengthen through this. Anxiety and fear would dissipate, rest would ensue. We serve a wonderful God who has revealed much to us - much of how beautiful he is, especially in Jesus. Yet, this relationship needs strengthening and guarding. Let us learn to continue to keep our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:1-2), that we may be encouraged and fall more in love with him.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Preparing for a Wedding... or a Marriage?
Through our engagement period, Magnus and I have gotten to the point where we'll look at one another and say "I want to be married now" or "Why are we waiting so long?"Not only that, but our engagement period will actually be longer than our time dating - not the normally recommended course. Thankfully, that day is approaching!
As I processed this question of why we are waiting so long before God I find that one of the primary answers he gives is that he wants to prepare us for marriage, not just a wedding day. (NOTE: I am NOT saying that those with a short engagement period are preparing for the wedding and not the marriage, I am saying this is what I believe the case is for us before God).
I find this true due to the conversations we have, the conflict that comes up, the experiences God is bringing us through together, and the trust and patience it is developing in each of us. We do not have the excuse of lots of pressure in the wedding planning process to use to sweep hard issues under the rug - we have time to face them head on. These conversations are the primary thing. Those conversations where I don't quite understand what is happening, but then I see my sin, and cringe. Those conversations where Magnus amazes me and repents of something. Those conversations - they are so hard, but they are preparing us in ways I know we cannot expect or imagine for marriage.
So as the days are dwindling between now and the wedding day, my hope and prayer is that we not get lost in the details of the wedding and forget to look at God, and prepare for a married life together. In the midst of the waiting, it's good to remember that God knows what he's doing and he is good.
As I processed this question of why we are waiting so long before God I find that one of the primary answers he gives is that he wants to prepare us for marriage, not just a wedding day. (NOTE: I am NOT saying that those with a short engagement period are preparing for the wedding and not the marriage, I am saying this is what I believe the case is for us before God).
I find this true due to the conversations we have, the conflict that comes up, the experiences God is bringing us through together, and the trust and patience it is developing in each of us. We do not have the excuse of lots of pressure in the wedding planning process to use to sweep hard issues under the rug - we have time to face them head on. These conversations are the primary thing. Those conversations where I don't quite understand what is happening, but then I see my sin, and cringe. Those conversations where Magnus amazes me and repents of something. Those conversations - they are so hard, but they are preparing us in ways I know we cannot expect or imagine for marriage.
So as the days are dwindling between now and the wedding day, my hope and prayer is that we not get lost in the details of the wedding and forget to look at God, and prepare for a married life together. In the midst of the waiting, it's good to remember that God knows what he's doing and he is good.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Is God on time-delay?
I don't know why, but I usually get into this mindset that I'm to pray and wait. And wait. And wait. I think that's often because what I'm asking for involves the need for my character to grow and for some sin to be repented of before I can receive what God has for me. If (most of the time) God actually gave me what I ask for when I ask for it, I think I'd be a spoiled brat.
But then, there are those times when I cry out (often in frustration) and he responds quickly. The other day I was talking to God and feeling so frustrated. I felt like I was getting self-focused and not being used much. I had a desperate "Just use me" request. About half-hour later a friend knocked on my door. She was just dropping something off, but the conversation that proceeded was clearly of God and the Spirit was at work.
When she left, I paused and said "thank you" with some surprise. I often feel like I will always have to wait a long time for an answer, but that's just not true. Sometimes it is more about us asking and believing that God can and will do what we ask... that, and learning to ask with a heart that is after God and not purely after our own self-interests.
But then, there are those times when I cry out (often in frustration) and he responds quickly. The other day I was talking to God and feeling so frustrated. I felt like I was getting self-focused and not being used much. I had a desperate "Just use me" request. About half-hour later a friend knocked on my door. She was just dropping something off, but the conversation that proceeded was clearly of God and the Spirit was at work.
When she left, I paused and said "thank you" with some surprise. I often feel like I will always have to wait a long time for an answer, but that's just not true. Sometimes it is more about us asking and believing that God can and will do what we ask... that, and learning to ask with a heart that is after God and not purely after our own self-interests.
Monday, September 17, 2012
A Blast of God's Movement
After having a long week and still waiting for so much from God, in a heartbeat God moved. I love it and at the same time it leaves me breathless.
Magnus and I have been praying about where to live - he has been hoping and praying for a specific place. He was supposed to move on Saturday within his complex with his roommate due to some renovations within the building. Friday, after stress, confusion, possible canceling of the move Saturday, things finally fell into place in that Magnus would be able to move into the place he wanted us both to live. And I will be able to move in when we get married.
I walked away from that situation with my head spinning - I mean, there's a whole new level of "realness" in that where Magnus is living is going to be "our" place. Wow.
But one thing that was deeply impressed on my heart is this - God knows our needs and is preparing the way. It's so easy for me to get caught on the details that God has NOT answered, but in his movement (before either of us were expecting it), he prepared the way for where we are to live. He's calling me, wooing me to himself in this and telling me gently (but firmly)"trust me. I have you and I know your needs." I could explain this in human terms, but honestly, this was God's movement. He knows our needs and decided to bless us with a reminder of his generous love and care.
Why then worry or be afraid? Our God is bigger.
Magnus and I have been praying about where to live - he has been hoping and praying for a specific place. He was supposed to move on Saturday within his complex with his roommate due to some renovations within the building. Friday, after stress, confusion, possible canceling of the move Saturday, things finally fell into place in that Magnus would be able to move into the place he wanted us both to live. And I will be able to move in when we get married.
I walked away from that situation with my head spinning - I mean, there's a whole new level of "realness" in that where Magnus is living is going to be "our" place. Wow.
But one thing that was deeply impressed on my heart is this - God knows our needs and is preparing the way. It's so easy for me to get caught on the details that God has NOT answered, but in his movement (before either of us were expecting it), he prepared the way for where we are to live. He's calling me, wooing me to himself in this and telling me gently (but firmly)"trust me. I have you and I know your needs." I could explain this in human terms, but honestly, this was God's movement. He knows our needs and decided to bless us with a reminder of his generous love and care.
Why then worry or be afraid? Our God is bigger.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
How do I love God?
I've been reading through the gospel of John and have been simply amazed at Jesus' demonstration of his love. I mean, he went to a wedding and made sure the party kept on going (John 2) and pursued someone who was considered an "outcast" of society (John 4). Jesus clearly loves people, and that's true about me (and you).
As I was driving and thinking about this love I recognized I was struggling with the pictures I see painted in the Bible. Jesus is so kind, good, and lavish in his love. But I'm still struggling to rest in it. As I contemplated this, a thought struck - how do I love God?
My mind flitted to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
What I was confronted with is this - when I face circumstances I am not patient or kind with God, I demand my timing (and do so harshly). When God grants me something I am often arrogant and rude. When I see that God gives someone else something I want, I am envious.
Mostly, though, when it comes to my relationship with God I insist on my own way and then grow resentful and irritable when it does not occur.
I feel like there are so many more ways I fall short in loving God, accepting his way, and surrendering my hopes and dreams to him. The amazing, God-given part of this all? He's still reminding me daily that he loves me. He is still showing me how he loves through the written word, through many friends, and through the convictions and promptings of the Holy Spirit.
Whether or not I love God well, his love for me does not end.
As I was driving and thinking about this love I recognized I was struggling with the pictures I see painted in the Bible. Jesus is so kind, good, and lavish in his love. But I'm still struggling to rest in it. As I contemplated this, a thought struck - how do I love God?
My mind flitted to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
What I was confronted with is this - when I face circumstances I am not patient or kind with God, I demand my timing (and do so harshly). When God grants me something I am often arrogant and rude. When I see that God gives someone else something I want, I am envious.
Mostly, though, when it comes to my relationship with God I insist on my own way and then grow resentful and irritable when it does not occur.
I feel like there are so many more ways I fall short in loving God, accepting his way, and surrendering my hopes and dreams to him. The amazing, God-given part of this all? He's still reminding me daily that he loves me. He is still showing me how he loves through the written word, through many friends, and through the convictions and promptings of the Holy Spirit.
Whether or not I love God well, his love for me does not end.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Looking Up
Have you ever gotten so bogged down in your own problems and struggles that you forget about God? I have, I do. Frequently, in fact. I tend to get my mind and eyes focused on my own worries, cares, and concern. I forget to look up at Jesus and keep my eyes steady on him and his goodness.
I taught on Moses last week and was pointing out observations from his burning bush experience (Exodus 3-4) and observed that Moses was really focused on himself, his own inadequacies, and his own reasons why he couldn't do what God was asking him to do. God's response - I made you! I am God! Stop looking at yourself, look at me!
I think this story of Moses hits so true because we like to look at ourselves and not at God. I would rather be concerned about my daily life then believe that God has seen my sufferings and knows it all (Exodus 3:7-10). I would rather complain about my inadequacies then believe that God made me with them and is able (Exodus 4:10-17).
Whenever we get stuck in drudgery - in complaining, in looking down, in being hopeless - we must learn to re-direct our eyes and look to God. Look at his beauty, his mercy, his grace. We must remember his past workings and look at how he is working. We must believe that he really is bigger and he is able.
I taught on Moses last week and was pointing out observations from his burning bush experience (Exodus 3-4) and observed that Moses was really focused on himself, his own inadequacies, and his own reasons why he couldn't do what God was asking him to do. God's response - I made you! I am God! Stop looking at yourself, look at me!
I think this story of Moses hits so true because we like to look at ourselves and not at God. I would rather be concerned about my daily life then believe that God has seen my sufferings and knows it all (Exodus 3:7-10). I would rather complain about my inadequacies then believe that God made me with them and is able (Exodus 4:10-17).
Whenever we get stuck in drudgery - in complaining, in looking down, in being hopeless - we must learn to re-direct our eyes and look to God. Look at his beauty, his mercy, his grace. We must remember his past workings and look at how he is working. We must believe that he really is bigger and he is able.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
A Seasoned Life
I went out for a walk today to talk with Jesus. I was a little preoccupied and slightly discouraged. I had spent time with Jesus in the morning and Magnus asked me what he had told me and my quick reply was "nothing." Magnus gave me a look and said, "Rachel, Jesus is always speaking."
I squirmed. Honestly, I didn't know if I wanted to hear what Jesus had to say, but I figured I'd go talk (and listen) a little more. On the way to my favorite talking place, I ran into some friends and one asked how I was doing. I bit my lip, shook my head and she said kindly, "It's only a season."
I left the conversation encouraged, and realizing that this was a friend whose words lived out Colossians 4:6 which says, "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." Her heart is set on Jesus, so her words overflow with truth and love. This overflow blessed and encouraged me and reminded me of God's timing. Her words (likely unintentionally) were in a real way from Jesus - they were truth and my ears and heart grasped them.
I love this beautiful and simple reminder that it is not about how much we know, but how we live our lives. In every interaction we have an opportunity to bless and encourage one another, providing we live a life connected to our Savior and seeped in the truth. Drenched in his love and truth, we can allow that to overflow into the lives of others, impacting more then we may ever know.
I did go on to have a good conversation with Jesus and listened to him, too; I was reminded of God's gracious provision to me through times with him, as well as through his people.
I squirmed. Honestly, I didn't know if I wanted to hear what Jesus had to say, but I figured I'd go talk (and listen) a little more. On the way to my favorite talking place, I ran into some friends and one asked how I was doing. I bit my lip, shook my head and she said kindly, "It's only a season."
I left the conversation encouraged, and realizing that this was a friend whose words lived out Colossians 4:6 which says, "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." Her heart is set on Jesus, so her words overflow with truth and love. This overflow blessed and encouraged me and reminded me of God's timing. Her words (likely unintentionally) were in a real way from Jesus - they were truth and my ears and heart grasped them.
I love this beautiful and simple reminder that it is not about how much we know, but how we live our lives. In every interaction we have an opportunity to bless and encourage one another, providing we live a life connected to our Savior and seeped in the truth. Drenched in his love and truth, we can allow that to overflow into the lives of others, impacting more then we may ever know.
I did go on to have a good conversation with Jesus and listened to him, too; I was reminded of God's gracious provision to me through times with him, as well as through his people.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Waiting... Again
I came into this semester with a set of expectations. God has taken each and every one of those expectations and said "no." A lot of this has revolved around work situations - I was expecting to continue the job I had this summer through the semester, yet on Friday the job ended. Magnus and I had some joint expectations which God has also said "no" to and I have come to realize that I am at a point of waiting. Again. Asking God for provision, for answers, and seeking his direction and guidance.
I really don't like this whole waiting/dependence thing. God, in the midst of all the circumstances that make me want to scream (hello, add a flat tire to my day), calls me to trust in and rely on him. Let me be frank: I don't like this. Yet, God wants me, he wants all of me, and he wants to content me in himself. He wants to make me happy... joyful really (Gal 5:22-23)
He doesn't want me looking towards circumstances to make me happy. He doesn't want me relying on outward jobs or other success to feel secure. He wants me looking to and relying on him. He wants my delight, joy, security and acceptance to be rooted and grounded in him. Period.
I am wading into this waiting period and slowly releasing to God my expectations. I know that when they're his, he will grow me and deepen me in my experience in and delight of him. This is far better then simply getting what I want... but that doesn't make it easier.
For some reason, I thought when I met my husband (Magnus) that an aspect of this waiting process would get easier. It's amazing to see how my heart is so grounded in circumstances and not in God. But as God continually reminds me - he is good, loving, kind, and he wants all of me.
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
I really don't like this whole waiting/dependence thing. God, in the midst of all the circumstances that make me want to scream (hello, add a flat tire to my day), calls me to trust in and rely on him. Let me be frank: I don't like this. Yet, God wants me, he wants all of me, and he wants to content me in himself. He wants to make me happy... joyful really (Gal 5:22-23)
He doesn't want me looking towards circumstances to make me happy. He doesn't want me relying on outward jobs or other success to feel secure. He wants me looking to and relying on him. He wants my delight, joy, security and acceptance to be rooted and grounded in him. Period.
I am wading into this waiting period and slowly releasing to God my expectations. I know that when they're his, he will grow me and deepen me in my experience in and delight of him. This is far better then simply getting what I want... but that doesn't make it easier.
For some reason, I thought when I met my husband (Magnus) that an aspect of this waiting process would get easier. It's amazing to see how my heart is so grounded in circumstances and not in God. But as God continually reminds me - he is good, loving, kind, and he wants all of me.
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
Saturday, September 1, 2012
The Journey of Forgiveness (Must I reconcile?)
Forgiveness is hard enough as it is. But I grew up with the concept "forgive and forget." I felt like the person's sin didn't matter and I had to pretend it never happened. Well, I discovered that is not necessary or healthy.
First, reconciliation is good, it shows something beautiful that can happen within the church that often does not happen in the world. Reconciliation should be pursued (consider Matthew 18:15-20) - we should not, in general, go "forgive, forget, ignore, move on." Reconciliation will often involve confrontation, which means you will have to lovingly talk with the person who hurt you.I do not want to diminish the role and beauty of reconciliation.
But what happens when the person does not want to reconcile... or do not respond to the confrontation in a repentant manner - maybe they do not acknowledge that what they've done is really that bad (or sin)?
Here's the deal - forgiveness is always required (Matthew 6:12, 14-15). But restoring the relationship to what it was - renewed friendship and trust - depends largely on the response of the one you are confronting. I feel like I put my foot in my mouth when I say this. It sounds un-Christian and untrue. The example I was given for this was God, though. David Stoop who wrote Forgiving the Unforgiveable states that God demonstrates what reconciliation can or cannot look like. Through Christ, God offers forgiveness to all not all accept and repent. Those who do not repent will not have a relationship with God or eternal life.
In the past, I have experienced great hurt from an employer and sought reconciliation. The employer denied the severity of what he had done and while I forgave him, I realized I could never work for him again (unless God told me to) as he showed no level of repentance. If I re-entered the situation I would demonstrate that I had not learned to set appropriate boundaries that God has called me to in being a good steward of what he has given me. Make sense?
Have I stirred the pot enough? I think the best thing as you're processing forgiveness is to immerse yourself in the Bible and surround yourself with godly counsel.
May our hearts be ever for forgiveness, seeking to pursue reconciliation, and relying for God's empowerment through the process.
First, reconciliation is good, it shows something beautiful that can happen within the church that often does not happen in the world. Reconciliation should be pursued (consider Matthew 18:15-20) - we should not, in general, go "forgive, forget, ignore, move on." Reconciliation will often involve confrontation, which means you will have to lovingly talk with the person who hurt you.I do not want to diminish the role and beauty of reconciliation.
But what happens when the person does not want to reconcile... or do not respond to the confrontation in a repentant manner - maybe they do not acknowledge that what they've done is really that bad (or sin)?
Here's the deal - forgiveness is always required (Matthew 6:12, 14-15). But restoring the relationship to what it was - renewed friendship and trust - depends largely on the response of the one you are confronting. I feel like I put my foot in my mouth when I say this. It sounds un-Christian and untrue. The example I was given for this was God, though. David Stoop who wrote Forgiving the Unforgiveable states that God demonstrates what reconciliation can or cannot look like. Through Christ, God offers forgiveness to all not all accept and repent. Those who do not repent will not have a relationship with God or eternal life.
In the past, I have experienced great hurt from an employer and sought reconciliation. The employer denied the severity of what he had done and while I forgave him, I realized I could never work for him again (unless God told me to) as he showed no level of repentance. If I re-entered the situation I would demonstrate that I had not learned to set appropriate boundaries that God has called me to in being a good steward of what he has given me. Make sense?
Have I stirred the pot enough? I think the best thing as you're processing forgiveness is to immerse yourself in the Bible and surround yourself with godly counsel.
May our hearts be ever for forgiveness, seeking to pursue reconciliation, and relying for God's empowerment through the process.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
The Journey of Forgiveness (Have I failed to Forgive if it hurts again?)
I like to think of forgiveness as a one-time deal - I go through the steps of identifying the sin, make the choice to forgive, and I'm done. I have discovered that this is not always the case. When I've forgiven people for big-deal items (such as forgiving an authority in my life for treating me poorly while in a very vulnerable position) I'm surprised that in the future, when hit with a similar situation the old feelings come up. All the anger, hurt, and fear is there. It does not feel forgiven.
I was reading in Tramp for the Lord by Corrie ten Boom and she wrote about the same thing happening to her. She said she had to remember where she stood before the Lord - she had taken ground in forgiving and the enemy was attacking and trying to move her back, but she must stand firm (Eph. 6).
I liked that comment. I also liked when a friend said that so often when hit with a new situation that stirs up old feelings it means that we are at a place to recognize the deeper level of pain and hurt and come to a deeper place of forgiveness. Will the choice to forgive still stand when we recognize this?
So forgiveness, while in a way a one time deal (the choice must remain solid), in a large way is not. It is quite normal if old feelings well up again, it is all about how we handle them once they do. We must be faithful to God as we forgive others, even if (and when) the pain is deeper then we expect. We must recognize the large amount we have forgiven, and then extend that forgiveness to others.
I was reading in Tramp for the Lord by Corrie ten Boom and she wrote about the same thing happening to her. She said she had to remember where she stood before the Lord - she had taken ground in forgiving and the enemy was attacking and trying to move her back, but she must stand firm (Eph. 6).
I liked that comment. I also liked when a friend said that so often when hit with a new situation that stirs up old feelings it means that we are at a place to recognize the deeper level of pain and hurt and come to a deeper place of forgiveness. Will the choice to forgive still stand when we recognize this?
So forgiveness, while in a way a one time deal (the choice must remain solid), in a large way is not. It is quite normal if old feelings well up again, it is all about how we handle them once they do. We must be faithful to God as we forgive others, even if (and when) the pain is deeper then we expect. We must recognize the large amount we have forgiven, and then extend that forgiveness to others.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
One Year Ago
I've been thinking a lot about last year. It's funny the changes that can take place and amazing to see how God can work.
One year ago I was annoyed that this guy (Magnus) liked me. I was excited about serving on GLC and not really wanting to date. At the time I had no thought I would date, much less marry, him. It was amazing to see God work in my and his heart over the span of a few weeks to bring us to the point of dating.
This may seem a small thing, but looking back at where I was last year at this time and where I am now... wow. In Magnus, God answered prayers I have prayed for years for my future husband and God has blessed me immensely in the relationship. God showed himself faithful, kind, patient, and generous through the answer of these prayers. He did not work as I wanted, but worked in better ways for both Magnus and I.
I need to look back from time to time as I face the realities of life and the trials before me. I need to remember God's character and he is the same God who answered those prayers and the prayers of the mighty men of old. I am about to enter another semester at seminary and while I know much of what will be ahead, there are still so many uncertainties. Regardless of what we're hoping and expecting, it is such a blessing to know that God knows it all, is with us through it all, and has our wholeness (not necessarily our easiest) in mind?
We serve a mighty, faithful God. Let us seek to be encouraged by our own, and other's, stories of faith.
One year ago I was annoyed that this guy (Magnus) liked me. I was excited about serving on GLC and not really wanting to date. At the time I had no thought I would date, much less marry, him. It was amazing to see God work in my and his heart over the span of a few weeks to bring us to the point of dating.
This may seem a small thing, but looking back at where I was last year at this time and where I am now... wow. In Magnus, God answered prayers I have prayed for years for my future husband and God has blessed me immensely in the relationship. God showed himself faithful, kind, patient, and generous through the answer of these prayers. He did not work as I wanted, but worked in better ways for both Magnus and I.
I need to look back from time to time as I face the realities of life and the trials before me. I need to remember God's character and he is the same God who answered those prayers and the prayers of the mighty men of old. I am about to enter another semester at seminary and while I know much of what will be ahead, there are still so many uncertainties. Regardless of what we're hoping and expecting, it is such a blessing to know that God knows it all, is with us through it all, and has our wholeness (not necessarily our easiest) in mind?
We serve a mighty, faithful God. Let us seek to be encouraged by our own, and other's, stories of faith.
Friday, August 17, 2012
The Journey of Forgiveness (The Choice to Forgive)
After going through all the reasons why I do not LIKE to forgive and realize that forgiveness is actually needed, I come to a place of decision - do I choose to forgive, do I ignore it, or do I choose to hold it against the person? I much prefer the ignoring it option. Often, when I'm at the point of realizing I need to forgive the person I think "oh crap, I don't want to forgive!" There are no soft and pretty emotions there. There is pain, hurt, fear and frustration. Yet, there is also an awareness that I must come before God with this.
What does Jesus say? When Peter asked how many times must you forgive, Christ's answer was we need to forgive someone a lot (Matthew 18:21-22).
It's not fun to deal with hurt and it's not fun to deal with forgiveness because we often don't feel like it. This is a situation where I believe that Christ will often require obedience before granting feelings. Does it still hurt? Yes. Is it still painful? Yes. Does it feel like that person is "getting away with it"? Yes. But can we trust God? Can we choose to surrender our will and desire to him?
Whenever the option is before me I know it's more about obedience then anything else. God has revealed my need to forgive (or my sin of unforgiveness) and my choice is to follow him or to disobey.
Often after making the choice to forgive I feel free and released - I feel closer to God and often his peace will well up in my heart. This state does not last indefinitely, but it encourages me, sustains me, and reminds me of God's pleasure in obedience.
Whether or not we feel like forgiving is not truly the issue, whether we can trust God and his word and walk in obedience is the issue we must face.
What does Jesus say? When Peter asked how many times must you forgive, Christ's answer was we need to forgive someone a lot (Matthew 18:21-22).
It's not fun to deal with hurt and it's not fun to deal with forgiveness because we often don't feel like it. This is a situation where I believe that Christ will often require obedience before granting feelings. Does it still hurt? Yes. Is it still painful? Yes. Does it feel like that person is "getting away with it"? Yes. But can we trust God? Can we choose to surrender our will and desire to him?
Whenever the option is before me I know it's more about obedience then anything else. God has revealed my need to forgive (or my sin of unforgiveness) and my choice is to follow him or to disobey.
Often after making the choice to forgive I feel free and released - I feel closer to God and often his peace will well up in my heart. This state does not last indefinitely, but it encourages me, sustains me, and reminds me of God's pleasure in obedience.
Whether or not we feel like forgiving is not truly the issue, whether we can trust God and his word and walk in obedience is the issue we must face.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
The Journey of Forgiveness (Why I don't like to forgive)
Forgiveness is a terribly hard topic to tackle... and it is not my favorite thing to engage in. Today as I was processing and talking to God I realized that I needed to take steps of forgiveness towards people who had hurt me.
Before going there, let me first explain why I don't like to deal with forgiveness:
1) I have to admit I've been hurt, really hurt. I don't know why, but it seems so humiliating to me to be so hurt by someone that I have to actually FORGIVE them. Why can't I "shrug it off" or "let it go"? When I come to the place where I realize I must forgive them, I have to admit that I've let them in and that they have hurt me. I have not been able to protect myself or stay strong.
2) I have to release them from paying me back. So often, I'll be hurt and hope that a look in my eye, the right timed words, etc. may cause the person to wither in guilt for what they've done to me (yes, I am over-dramatic at times). But, honestly, when has THAT ever happened? When I start processing forgiveness, I have to start realizing that I am releasing them from making up the wrong, I will not hold it over their heads and begrudge them for it (this does not mean I have to trust them fully, but that's another issue).
3) I may have to confront them (Matthew 18:15-20). This is not the case ALL the time, but sometimes the hurt is lodged deep enough, your process it before God enough, that you come to the place where you realize you need to humbly come before the person and confront them. It feels very weak and vulnerable to let someone know that they've hurt me, and it is also intimidating if I do not know them well as I do not know how they will respond. But this is what God calls for, and I am ALWAYS just so amazed when the person responds in humility and care. What a blessing and what wonderful reconciliation that can occur!
So those are the reasons I don't like to forgive. Forgiveness, I've discovered, is a journey. The first step is often recognizing that it needs to take place. May we learn to face this with boldness and humility and walk the path that God has before us.
Before going there, let me first explain why I don't like to deal with forgiveness:
1) I have to admit I've been hurt, really hurt. I don't know why, but it seems so humiliating to me to be so hurt by someone that I have to actually FORGIVE them. Why can't I "shrug it off" or "let it go"? When I come to the place where I realize I must forgive them, I have to admit that I've let them in and that they have hurt me. I have not been able to protect myself or stay strong.
2) I have to release them from paying me back. So often, I'll be hurt and hope that a look in my eye, the right timed words, etc. may cause the person to wither in guilt for what they've done to me (yes, I am over-dramatic at times). But, honestly, when has THAT ever happened? When I start processing forgiveness, I have to start realizing that I am releasing them from making up the wrong, I will not hold it over their heads and begrudge them for it (this does not mean I have to trust them fully, but that's another issue).
3) I may have to confront them (Matthew 18:15-20). This is not the case ALL the time, but sometimes the hurt is lodged deep enough, your process it before God enough, that you come to the place where you realize you need to humbly come before the person and confront them. It feels very weak and vulnerable to let someone know that they've hurt me, and it is also intimidating if I do not know them well as I do not know how they will respond. But this is what God calls for, and I am ALWAYS just so amazed when the person responds in humility and care. What a blessing and what wonderful reconciliation that can occur!
So those are the reasons I don't like to forgive. Forgiveness, I've discovered, is a journey. The first step is often recognizing that it needs to take place. May we learn to face this with boldness and humility and walk the path that God has before us.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
What kind of God do you pray to?
Our perception of God comes out in interesting places. I think part of that comes out in our prayer and the way we pray, whether or not we believe in a loving, caring, specific God as evidenced in our prayers - as in, do we ask God for specifics? This, of course, has to be cautioned with needing a heart that is truly seeking God and our own desires.
But the question and challenge still remains - when we pray do we ask God for specifics or generalities? Do we want God to "bless so and so" or do we ask that God grow them in peace? Do we ask God to "help the missionary" or do we ask for their health, walk with God, opportunities to share the gospel, etc.? I believe most of us lean towards the vague. It's easier to believe in a God who does the general then who does the specific, it's safer. It's safer to come before God and not expect him to interfere with our daily lives, but just be nice to us and help us when we need it.
Part of the reason it's safer is because then when we ask for specific things that are outside God's will, and God does not give them to us, we are not tested - our sinful attitudes are not revealed, we can keep our true thoughts and beliefs hidden.
As we learn to turn over our sinful thoughts and attitudes to God something else amazing happens - he is glorified in our prayers. He is glorified because our thoughts turn to his thoughts (making us more like him) and through the specific answers he gives to our request.
We do serve a God who cares for us, let us not forget and not grow weary of seeking him in prayer.
But the question and challenge still remains - when we pray do we ask God for specifics or generalities? Do we want God to "bless so and so" or do we ask that God grow them in peace? Do we ask God to "help the missionary" or do we ask for their health, walk with God, opportunities to share the gospel, etc.? I believe most of us lean towards the vague. It's easier to believe in a God who does the general then who does the specific, it's safer. It's safer to come before God and not expect him to interfere with our daily lives, but just be nice to us and help us when we need it.
Part of the reason it's safer is because then when we ask for specific things that are outside God's will, and God does not give them to us, we are not tested - our sinful attitudes are not revealed, we can keep our true thoughts and beliefs hidden.
As we learn to turn over our sinful thoughts and attitudes to God something else amazing happens - he is glorified in our prayers. He is glorified because our thoughts turn to his thoughts (making us more like him) and through the specific answers he gives to our request.
We do serve a God who cares for us, let us not forget and not grow weary of seeking him in prayer.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Unrealized Dreams (Part 2)
As I've read through the responses, and contemplated a little more of this "unrealized dream" God has reminded me of something important that I like to ignore when I get nostalgic about the past: I wouldn't change a thing.
Let me explain - first, I've realized that giving up swimming was an act of obedience. I clearly felt as if it was something I needed to turn over to God and let him choose whether or not to give it back. Yes, God is the giver of good gifts and many of those are to be used to his glory, but he also often asks for sacrifice. When Elijah called Elisha to replace him as a prophet in Israel, sacrifice was involved (1 Kings 12:12-20). Regardless of God's gifting, I have to trust him that when he says something, that is the best. There is no better path.
Second, in giving up swimming and following as God leads I know him better. This is partly because of the initial obedience, but it's much more so because of the path that he has led me since I gave up swimming. He led me on a path where I learned of suffering. It is said that Christ learned obedience through suffering (Hebrews 5:8) and I don't think I would have learned of God as I have without this suffering. Knowing and delighting in God is far better then to continue in a gifting he has given me.
Third, I believe my heavenly reward will be greater. I believe through God's sovereign directing, he has provided me more opportunities of Matthew 6:19-21:
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
I want my treasure, my delight, to be in Christ, my Lord, and nothing else. I often fail here. I often (especially when seeing earthly glory) get caught up in what could have been, in what could have been beautiful on this earth. God, by his grace, constantly brings me back to his heart, to his perspective - it's truly about him and his glory. Taking the path where I allow some earthly dreams to be unrealized, I believe that my time (eternity!!) in heaven will be sweeter then if I had lived this life focused on my wants and needs.
Learning to live with open hands - that God may give and take away - is challenging, but nothing could be better then learning to know him more and delight in him forever.
Let me explain - first, I've realized that giving up swimming was an act of obedience. I clearly felt as if it was something I needed to turn over to God and let him choose whether or not to give it back. Yes, God is the giver of good gifts and many of those are to be used to his glory, but he also often asks for sacrifice. When Elijah called Elisha to replace him as a prophet in Israel, sacrifice was involved (1 Kings 12:12-20). Regardless of God's gifting, I have to trust him that when he says something, that is the best. There is no better path.
Second, in giving up swimming and following as God leads I know him better. This is partly because of the initial obedience, but it's much more so because of the path that he has led me since I gave up swimming. He led me on a path where I learned of suffering. It is said that Christ learned obedience through suffering (Hebrews 5:8) and I don't think I would have learned of God as I have without this suffering. Knowing and delighting in God is far better then to continue in a gifting he has given me.
Third, I believe my heavenly reward will be greater. I believe through God's sovereign directing, he has provided me more opportunities of Matthew 6:19-21:
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
I want my treasure, my delight, to be in Christ, my Lord, and nothing else. I often fail here. I often (especially when seeing earthly glory) get caught up in what could have been, in what could have been beautiful on this earth. God, by his grace, constantly brings me back to his heart, to his perspective - it's truly about him and his glory. Taking the path where I allow some earthly dreams to be unrealized, I believe that my time (eternity!!) in heaven will be sweeter then if I had lived this life focused on my wants and needs.
Learning to live with open hands - that God may give and take away - is challenging, but nothing could be better then learning to know him more and delight in him forever.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Unrealized Dreams
The summer Olympics always make me nostalgic. I swam all through high school, at my highpoint making the Olympic trials in 2000; so when the Olympics role around I watch and when I see former swimmer-friends compete, I have a twinge of desire of wanting to be there. I wanted to be an Olympian, I wanted to compete at the top, yet as shoulder problems started to plague me and I began to seek the Lord in what he wanted for me, I felt that swimming was something I needed to give up.
The fact that it was a real, and in my mind, tangible dream made it harder to give up. There's half of me that understands God leading me to open my hands on something I was grasping too tightly, but then there's the part that says "Couldn't I have learned to use it for Christ?" The answer: I must trust God.
I think surrendered, unrealized dreams have to be one of the biggest sore spots when it comes to trusting God. I wonder if that's why Abram, when promised to be made a "great nation" (Genesis 12:2) when he was 75, feeling forgotten by God went on to have Ishmael 11 years later (Genesis 16:16). He was experiencing an unrealized dream.
So how do we handle it? If I was holding onto the glory of swimming over the glory of God then there could have been nothing better for God to do then to take swimming away from me, painful as it may seem. Even if I wasn't, even if my attitude was right before the Lord it takes faith, trust, and belief to let go of my plans, my schedules, my scheming and to truly say "It's yours - every part, all you ask, all you give, is yours to do with as you wish."
May God grow that heart in each of us as we encounter unrealized, shattered, castaway dreams.
The fact that it was a real, and in my mind, tangible dream made it harder to give up. There's half of me that understands God leading me to open my hands on something I was grasping too tightly, but then there's the part that says "Couldn't I have learned to use it for Christ?" The answer: I must trust God.
I think surrendered, unrealized dreams have to be one of the biggest sore spots when it comes to trusting God. I wonder if that's why Abram, when promised to be made a "great nation" (Genesis 12:2) when he was 75, feeling forgotten by God went on to have Ishmael 11 years later (Genesis 16:16). He was experiencing an unrealized dream.
So how do we handle it? If I was holding onto the glory of swimming over the glory of God then there could have been nothing better for God to do then to take swimming away from me, painful as it may seem. Even if I wasn't, even if my attitude was right before the Lord it takes faith, trust, and belief to let go of my plans, my schedules, my scheming and to truly say "It's yours - every part, all you ask, all you give, is yours to do with as you wish."
May God grow that heart in each of us as we encounter unrealized, shattered, castaway dreams.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Sorrowful yet Rejoicing
I firmly believe that Americans, or at least myself, still do not have a good grip on the concept of "sorrowful yet always rejoicing "(2 Cor. 6:10a). I was reminded of this during my time up in DC because, well, I was in a way very much home.
I was back on my "turf" at my church, surrounded by a bunch of my friends, my old job, etc. Magnus got to see it all... but after he left I realized clearly that I really liked my single life, and while I love Magnus and feel called to marry him, I am going to miss my old life. Granted, I've been in South Carolina for the past two years, but a new realization that I would never be able to go back to my old life hit.
Let me say that it is hard to be engaged and at the same time have this tug and desire for the old, but I think it's very much part of the mourning process. Though I am rejoicing for what God has done in my relationship with Magnus and what he will continue to do... I am sorrowful over fully surrendering what I had. I'm mourning, in a way.
So "sorrowful yet always rejoicing" hit new meaning to me this past week - while great and joyful things can be happening in one's life, it is still ok to look back at what God has done and mourn over no longer having what was.
Make any sort of sense there? I don't think it's talked about much in the engagement/marriage process, but it's there - your life will never be the same. Mourn and rejoice.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Answered Prayer
In talking with Matthew about Felicity's prayer to be able to have her child early so she could die with her friends and then sharing the immediate answer of Felicity going into labor, Matthew said, "That doesn't happen."
"Yes it does," was my quick reply.
Matthew then asked for me to give him an example.
So I shared of my experience in Indonesia - at the end of my rope, feeling anxious, worried, and overwhelmed I went into the bathroom, pounded on the wall and asked for God to intercede. Immediately I felt his grace flood over me, surrounding and guarding my heart.
Then there's the more recent time when I was praying about a guy I liked (not Magnus) and God told me "no" and later when I prayed for God to just "tell me when I meet the one" and when I met Magnus God told me "he's the one."
Matthew was surprised. But I think most Christians are surprised when God answers in these ways. We read stories of answered prayer from the Bible or from the church fathers of old, maybe even from "famous"Christians about how God answered their prayer and think "that could never happen... or at least not to me."
In James the author lets us know that "Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth" (James 5:17), so why do we exult these heros of the past as opposed to being motivated to imitate them?
We can have prayers answered like Elijah, Paul, Perpetua, or others. We serve the same God who moves in the same way, he is just waiting for us to ask, seek, and believe. Faith to move a mountain, anyone? I hope answered prayers are a reality in every believers life, for when we learn the power of prayer that is when our spiritual lives flourish and grow by God's grace.
"Yes it does," was my quick reply.
Matthew then asked for me to give him an example.
So I shared of my experience in Indonesia - at the end of my rope, feeling anxious, worried, and overwhelmed I went into the bathroom, pounded on the wall and asked for God to intercede. Immediately I felt his grace flood over me, surrounding and guarding my heart.
Then there's the more recent time when I was praying about a guy I liked (not Magnus) and God told me "no" and later when I prayed for God to just "tell me when I meet the one" and when I met Magnus God told me "he's the one."
Matthew was surprised. But I think most Christians are surprised when God answers in these ways. We read stories of answered prayer from the Bible or from the church fathers of old, maybe even from "famous"Christians about how God answered their prayer and think "that could never happen... or at least not to me."
In James the author lets us know that "Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth" (James 5:17), so why do we exult these heros of the past as opposed to being motivated to imitate them?
We can have prayers answered like Elijah, Paul, Perpetua, or others. We serve the same God who moves in the same way, he is just waiting for us to ask, seek, and believe. Faith to move a mountain, anyone? I hope answered prayers are a reality in every believers life, for when we learn the power of prayer that is when our spiritual lives flourish and grow by God's grace.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Divorce, Martyrs and Prophets
The past two weeks I've been on a vacation of sorts up north (my excuse for not blogging).
The past week I got to work with Sarah and Matthew - the children I used to nanny for. The first two days were hectic as we settled into "routine" and it wasn't until Wednesday that we had our first serious conversation... on divorce.
Yes, the eight-year-old Sarah, commenting on my upcoming marriage mentioned the possibility of divorce, but added that it wouldn't be "for a long time." I gently told them that this wouldn't happen because of what I believe God states in the Bible about marriage - it's supposed to be a special reflection of him and the Church. It cannot be broken. Whoa. Tough topic one, especially as her grandparents are divorced.
The next day as I was reading my church history book about Perpetua (a martyr from 200 AD) Matthew came and asked what I was reading and I shared that I was reading about a martyr. He listened intently as I shared that Felicity, Perpetua's friend, was in jail and pregnant and asked to have the baby early so she could die; she did not ask to be removed from the trial but to go through it. He listened intently and with amazement.
Friday was not quite as intense. We read about prophecy a bit (Perpetua was a prophetess) and then read some about Samson and how he did (and did not) listen to God.
I am so blessed, looking back on the week, to have had those conversations with those precious children. I love the opportunity to explain, model, and teach them. I prayed for those opportunities and God in his grace answered. Through the whole week it reminded me of a simple truth, though; we are to be ready to preach the gospel in season and out with complete patience (2 Timothy 4:2).
The past week I got to work with Sarah and Matthew - the children I used to nanny for. The first two days were hectic as we settled into "routine" and it wasn't until Wednesday that we had our first serious conversation... on divorce.
Yes, the eight-year-old Sarah, commenting on my upcoming marriage mentioned the possibility of divorce, but added that it wouldn't be "for a long time." I gently told them that this wouldn't happen because of what I believe God states in the Bible about marriage - it's supposed to be a special reflection of him and the Church. It cannot be broken. Whoa. Tough topic one, especially as her grandparents are divorced.
The next day as I was reading my church history book about Perpetua (a martyr from 200 AD) Matthew came and asked what I was reading and I shared that I was reading about a martyr. He listened intently as I shared that Felicity, Perpetua's friend, was in jail and pregnant and asked to have the baby early so she could die; she did not ask to be removed from the trial but to go through it. He listened intently and with amazement.
Friday was not quite as intense. We read about prophecy a bit (Perpetua was a prophetess) and then read some about Samson and how he did (and did not) listen to God.
I am so blessed, looking back on the week, to have had those conversations with those precious children. I love the opportunity to explain, model, and teach them. I prayed for those opportunities and God in his grace answered. Through the whole week it reminded me of a simple truth, though; we are to be ready to preach the gospel in season and out with complete patience (2 Timothy 4:2).
Friday, July 13, 2012
Goals
Coming back to visit my parents I decided to sort through some of my stuff to get rid of and to see what I want to bring to South Carolina. Through that searching I found a list of goals, both one year and ten year goals, that I established back in 2006 after reading through (I believe) Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. I had not seen the list since writing it as I quickly misplaced it, but was simply amazed at what I had hoped for and how so many of those were fulfilled - such as getting further education - and how many were FAR off - such as memorizing 40 chapters of the Bible.
The amazing thing is, though, 10 years ago I thought these things were far off and somewhat unattainable. Yet, coming close to that time I realize how practical they really are. I like the idea of setting goals, maybe because I like the thought of checking something off a list, but maybe it's a drive. Something that seems unattainable unfolding before my eyes.
It's interesting to see, too, what is of me and what is of God. I mean, after 6 years I can say that trying to memorize 40 chapters of the Bible was likely more me wanting to show off then something God placed on my heart. And doesn't that help identify our weaknesses and strengths - give just a little perspective as to what is of God and what is of yourself?
I'd like to do that again - sit down and write goals, and continue to see how God moves.
The amazing thing is, though, 10 years ago I thought these things were far off and somewhat unattainable. Yet, coming close to that time I realize how practical they really are. I like the idea of setting goals, maybe because I like the thought of checking something off a list, but maybe it's a drive. Something that seems unattainable unfolding before my eyes.
It's interesting to see, too, what is of me and what is of God. I mean, after 6 years I can say that trying to memorize 40 chapters of the Bible was likely more me wanting to show off then something God placed on my heart. And doesn't that help identify our weaknesses and strengths - give just a little perspective as to what is of God and what is of yourself?
I'd like to do that again - sit down and write goals, and continue to see how God moves.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
~~Rest~~
I do not rest well. The whole concept that God looked at his creation, declared it good and then rested a day (Genesis 1-2) feels foreign to me, especially in this day and age. CIU (my school) puts in their handbook that we are to observe a day of rest, a day where we cease from school work. And while I sought to honor this call, my mind would often fail to obey that command - if not thinking through school work, emails or other issues would come up to occupy me. It was hard to stop.
Even with school ceasing, so much else has occupied my mind - work, wedding, etc. This week I discovered that I did not have work due to the couple I am working with being out of town. My initial reaction was that if I had known earlier, I could have scheduled my vacation during this time. My realization now is that God has given me this time to rest.
Not that I have done nothing. Side note, why do we think God did nothing when he rested? Is it because he created everything and then has no documentation of "doing" something? Was he doing "nothing" before he created the earth? But that's besides the point.
I have goofed off, read, cooked, gone on walks, spent long times talking with Jesus, talked with friends, and gotten to spend more time with Magnus. Oh yeah, and done wedding stuff.
In some ways, this week hasn't been that different then other weeks I have had off and been busy with appointments, except that on Tuesday - a day I set aside to spend with Jesus - he reminded me of his love for me and lifted a weight of performance I hadn't realized I had been carrying (you can't rest if you're performing).
And so, I've rested. And enjoyed it. Especially enjoying just chatting with Jesus - sharing my ordinary cares and concerns, asking for help, sharing my frustrations. I'm seeing Christ as my friend again, one who is for me and fighting on my side. And with my friend, the God of the universe on my side, why not rest and enjoy this sweet time with him?
Even with school ceasing, so much else has occupied my mind - work, wedding, etc. This week I discovered that I did not have work due to the couple I am working with being out of town. My initial reaction was that if I had known earlier, I could have scheduled my vacation during this time. My realization now is that God has given me this time to rest.
Not that I have done nothing. Side note, why do we think God did nothing when he rested? Is it because he created everything and then has no documentation of "doing" something? Was he doing "nothing" before he created the earth? But that's besides the point.
I have goofed off, read, cooked, gone on walks, spent long times talking with Jesus, talked with friends, and gotten to spend more time with Magnus. Oh yeah, and done wedding stuff.
In some ways, this week hasn't been that different then other weeks I have had off and been busy with appointments, except that on Tuesday - a day I set aside to spend with Jesus - he reminded me of his love for me and lifted a weight of performance I hadn't realized I had been carrying (you can't rest if you're performing).
And so, I've rested. And enjoyed it. Especially enjoying just chatting with Jesus - sharing my ordinary cares and concerns, asking for help, sharing my frustrations. I'm seeing Christ as my friend again, one who is for me and fighting on my side. And with my friend, the God of the universe on my side, why not rest and enjoy this sweet time with him?
Sunday, July 1, 2012
What is Your Heart's Desire?
Psalm 37: 4 states, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" and this verse came to mind earlier this week as I was dealing with my back... again.
I came out of a visit to the chiropractor somewhat discouraged. After realizing my propensity to idolize health, though, I was not quite as discouraged. But I did talk with Jesus about it. I told him my heart's desire was to be healthy, to be whole.
But then I stopped and rethought that. No, my heart's desire is not to be healthy. That would be nice, but my heart's desire is to praise God in the good and bad. And he's using my back to bring about that. I don't like it, but it's true.
I think it's a good challenge to look at what we want and compare them to our heart's desire and simply ask "should they be"? White contemplating this verse while single (and wanting to be married), a lightbulb went on: God should be our ultimate desire, so if we are delighting ourselves in him, he will give us that desire - more of himself!
Practically for me, when I was single I wanted a husband and now believe this desire was placed by God, but all my desires for jobs, status, etc. were NOT from God. It took a long time and a lot of patience to see which was truly from God. When I caught myself developing a crush I would pray "Lord, fulfill or remove this desire!" I was amazed how often and faithfully God would answer that prayer by removing the desire for that man.
So what is your heart's desire, not those desires of the flesh, but those desires that God has given so that you may know him more and make him known? I say this with caution - our hearts must be continually brought before God to be sure we are pursuing the things of God and not our own fleshy desires. Our ultimate desire must be to delight in God, from that we will bring him glory and he will bless us in ways we cannot imagine... and ways that may look strange to this world (singleness, pain, a life of sacrifice in a foreign country, etc.)
I came out of a visit to the chiropractor somewhat discouraged. After realizing my propensity to idolize health, though, I was not quite as discouraged. But I did talk with Jesus about it. I told him my heart's desire was to be healthy, to be whole.
But then I stopped and rethought that. No, my heart's desire is not to be healthy. That would be nice, but my heart's desire is to praise God in the good and bad. And he's using my back to bring about that. I don't like it, but it's true.
I think it's a good challenge to look at what we want and compare them to our heart's desire and simply ask "should they be"? White contemplating this verse while single (and wanting to be married), a lightbulb went on: God should be our ultimate desire, so if we are delighting ourselves in him, he will give us that desire - more of himself!
Practically for me, when I was single I wanted a husband and now believe this desire was placed by God, but all my desires for jobs, status, etc. were NOT from God. It took a long time and a lot of patience to see which was truly from God. When I caught myself developing a crush I would pray "Lord, fulfill or remove this desire!" I was amazed how often and faithfully God would answer that prayer by removing the desire for that man.
So what is your heart's desire, not those desires of the flesh, but those desires that God has given so that you may know him more and make him known? I say this with caution - our hearts must be continually brought before God to be sure we are pursuing the things of God and not our own fleshy desires. Our ultimate desire must be to delight in God, from that we will bring him glory and he will bless us in ways we cannot imagine... and ways that may look strange to this world (singleness, pain, a life of sacrifice in a foreign country, etc.)
Thursday, June 28, 2012
On Being a Servant
I am a servant. The technical term for what I do now is "elder care provider" (I think), but really if we were back a few decades I'd be called a servant.
This really hit me today as I was prepping lunch for the couple I work with. I was thinking through what they would like and how I could make them comfortable when I realized that not only am I their servant, but God's.
As I have served in various capacities I have found that to truly bless my employer I look at what is happening and try to anticipate needs/desires, communicate with them frequently, continue to ask how I can help, and keep a humble attitude. And God's reminded me that this is what I need with him.
1. I am to learn his desires - i.e. reading the Bible. How am I supposed to know how to conduct my day, keep my thoughts and attitudes without a knowledge of his desire?
2. I am to communicate with him frequently - prayer! But here is where God is amazingly different from most employers. He not only wants me to let him know what is happening within the house (i.e. talk to him about the church and your family), he wants us to ask for what we want (Matthew 7:7)! But as we are learning his desires, will we really want to ask for things outside his will?
3. Continue to ask how I can help - are we actually seeking for God to keep our eyes open to those around us and how we can serve others? I probably fall REALLY short here. I get so focused on what is going on in my world that I fail to see those hurting and in need around me - a simple smile, thank you, or question to a friend could make all the difference.
4. Keep a humble attitude - as a servant we are not entitled to anything. This is where the modern thought of the employee/employer relationship breaks down. We are his children (Romans 8:16), but also his slaves (Romans 6:22). We must recognize that he can give and take away and still be praised (Job 1:21). We must maintain open hands for whatever he allows into our lives.
This really hit me today as I was prepping lunch for the couple I work with. I was thinking through what they would like and how I could make them comfortable when I realized that not only am I their servant, but God's.
As I have served in various capacities I have found that to truly bless my employer I look at what is happening and try to anticipate needs/desires, communicate with them frequently, continue to ask how I can help, and keep a humble attitude. And God's reminded me that this is what I need with him.
1. I am to learn his desires - i.e. reading the Bible. How am I supposed to know how to conduct my day, keep my thoughts and attitudes without a knowledge of his desire?
2. I am to communicate with him frequently - prayer! But here is where God is amazingly different from most employers. He not only wants me to let him know what is happening within the house (i.e. talk to him about the church and your family), he wants us to ask for what we want (Matthew 7:7)! But as we are learning his desires, will we really want to ask for things outside his will?
3. Continue to ask how I can help - are we actually seeking for God to keep our eyes open to those around us and how we can serve others? I probably fall REALLY short here. I get so focused on what is going on in my world that I fail to see those hurting and in need around me - a simple smile, thank you, or question to a friend could make all the difference.
4. Keep a humble attitude - as a servant we are not entitled to anything. This is where the modern thought of the employee/employer relationship breaks down. We are his children (Romans 8:16), but also his slaves (Romans 6:22). We must recognize that he can give and take away and still be praised (Job 1:21). We must maintain open hands for whatever he allows into our lives.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Gifts and Pride
Growing up I got caught up in that "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" mentality. One of the good things that came from it was that I started intentionally doing things for my future husband - specifically, writing him notes at various times and keeping them in a journal to give to him (and I'm excited to be able to give this to him.)
With that in mind, I decided to read the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian as a wedding gift to him. I figure with Magnus' high regard for prayer, what better way to prepare for marriage then to learn to pray for him more effectively?
What I've learned through the first chapter of the book is it isn't really a gift for him, or not in the way I expected. Honestly, it's convicting me. You see, the intro and first chapter of the book relates to the pride we woman often feel in coming in prayer for our husbands (not married yet, but I can relate). We want to change him so he will do what we want. But prayer (and relationship) is not about that. It's about submitting to God, bringing our requests to him, but ultimately surrendering our control to God.
That's where it comes back to my pride. You see, I have so often taken pride in these things I have done or am doing. I can get quite arrogant about how great these things are and forget this simple truth - I need changing, my perspective needs to be realigned, as does my heart.
So as I continue in this journey in learning to pray for Magnus, I think the ultimate gift in this will be learning how much I need God to change me and my perspective. And isn't submitting oneself fully to God and maintaining the proper perspective the best gift for everyone you come in contact with?
With that in mind, I decided to read the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian as a wedding gift to him. I figure with Magnus' high regard for prayer, what better way to prepare for marriage then to learn to pray for him more effectively?
What I've learned through the first chapter of the book is it isn't really a gift for him, or not in the way I expected. Honestly, it's convicting me. You see, the intro and first chapter of the book relates to the pride we woman often feel in coming in prayer for our husbands (not married yet, but I can relate). We want to change him so he will do what we want. But prayer (and relationship) is not about that. It's about submitting to God, bringing our requests to him, but ultimately surrendering our control to God.
That's where it comes back to my pride. You see, I have so often taken pride in these things I have done or am doing. I can get quite arrogant about how great these things are and forget this simple truth - I need changing, my perspective needs to be realigned, as does my heart.
So as I continue in this journey in learning to pray for Magnus, I think the ultimate gift in this will be learning how much I need God to change me and my perspective. And isn't submitting oneself fully to God and maintaining the proper perspective the best gift for everyone you come in contact with?
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Content with Weakness?
I have recognized a hard fact: I idolize "ideal" circumstances. I expect if there was just that "one more thing" then I'd be ok. This has recently came to my attention primarily in regards to how I handle my back pain. It can also be called contentment. Last year, I dealt with the issue of contentment in singleness (see blog), yet the issue of contentment continues to surface.
You see, when my back pain starts I tend to have a really bad attitude. That's to be expected as I'm in pain, right? But the hard thing now, in my relationship with Magnus is that I tend to take it out on him. My temper is a little shorter, I'm more demanding, less appreciative. Basically, sin rears it's ugly face.
God's started to sift that out of me. As I've struggled with my back (and my attitude) I realized quite definitively that I am NOT ok with this back pain. Not that one needs to be ok with pain in the world, but as God has worked on my heart he has shown that I am holding onto bitterness against him, a sense of entitlement to health, and a belief that if I just "do the right thing" then it will be ok. Proceeding through some of these thoughts is ok, but not being stuck in them. And that's where I am.
In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Paul records his struggle in talking with God about his own weakness, ending the section saying "I am content with weakness" (vs. 10). I want to be able to say that, but I'm not there yet. I want to be better, I want to be healthy, yet God has been reminding me of this verse, this truth, and asking me - can you be content?
So I will fight, submit, and seek God. As I said, I'm not there yet in this issue. But that's ok - our God is bigger and he has promised to bring me to completion (Phil 1:6) through the power of Christ in me (Gal. 2:20).
You see, when my back pain starts I tend to have a really bad attitude. That's to be expected as I'm in pain, right? But the hard thing now, in my relationship with Magnus is that I tend to take it out on him. My temper is a little shorter, I'm more demanding, less appreciative. Basically, sin rears it's ugly face.
God's started to sift that out of me. As I've struggled with my back (and my attitude) I realized quite definitively that I am NOT ok with this back pain. Not that one needs to be ok with pain in the world, but as God has worked on my heart he has shown that I am holding onto bitterness against him, a sense of entitlement to health, and a belief that if I just "do the right thing" then it will be ok. Proceeding through some of these thoughts is ok, but not being stuck in them. And that's where I am.
In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Paul records his struggle in talking with God about his own weakness, ending the section saying "I am content with weakness" (vs. 10). I want to be able to say that, but I'm not there yet. I want to be better, I want to be healthy, yet God has been reminding me of this verse, this truth, and asking me - can you be content?
So I will fight, submit, and seek God. As I said, I'm not there yet in this issue. But that's ok - our God is bigger and he has promised to bring me to completion (Phil 1:6) through the power of Christ in me (Gal. 2:20).
Friday, June 15, 2012
Perspective
I've gotten caught up in wedding stuff. (As a side note, I'm glad the wedding is a bit off so I can also work on marriage stuff.) In the midst of the wedding stuff there has come a situation where I feel helpless, out of control, and frustrated. Anger has built up over the situation and it's challenged me so much as I come before God with the bitterness. Not fun, especially associated with the wedding!
Sunday I went out for a walk and God gave me perspective. He showed me that my feeling so trapped and powerless simply is not so - God has given me the power and resources to change the situation... but he's also given me the power to choose to submit and surrender control.
The anger dissipated, the bitterness started to melt. It amazes me how a simple change in perspective regarding our situations provides freedom and hope. It amazes me how the God of the universe provides us with that perspective through his word, other believers, and prayer.
He doesn't always change our every situations, but he gives us the grace, perspective, and power through the Holy Spirit to walk through them and love and live as Christ would - to have freedom in even the hardest situation and to encounter them with love, grace, peace, and hope.
Sunday I went out for a walk and God gave me perspective. He showed me that my feeling so trapped and powerless simply is not so - God has given me the power and resources to change the situation... but he's also given me the power to choose to submit and surrender control.
The anger dissipated, the bitterness started to melt. It amazes me how a simple change in perspective regarding our situations provides freedom and hope. It amazes me how the God of the universe provides us with that perspective through his word, other believers, and prayer.
He doesn't always change our every situations, but he gives us the grace, perspective, and power through the Holy Spirit to walk through them and love and live as Christ would - to have freedom in even the hardest situation and to encounter them with love, grace, peace, and hope.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
My Own Smell
A few weeks ago I realized I was running out of body lotion and went to the store and picked up more. Since doing so Magnus has commented that I no longer smell "like Rachel."
I finally put two and two together and realized that I picked up a different lotion, one that was on sale, without given a second thought to how it smelled. Yet Magnus noticed (today we finally bought some of the old stuff so I would smell the same).
It's funny how, when in a relationship, those little things come up. Not that it's selfish or wrong to pick out my own body lotion, but it's just amazing to me how my little decisions impact Magnus. It reminds me again of Philippians 2:3-4 which states we need to "in humility consider others."
Even in my little decisions, by God's grace, I need to learn to consider others (and it will often be Magnus). As a single, I thought I did well considering others. As an engaged woman, I know I do poorly. How much more we have to learn to "do nothing from selfish ambition... but in humility consider others." I think that will be a huge learning point in marriage... and for the rest of my life.
I finally put two and two together and realized that I picked up a different lotion, one that was on sale, without given a second thought to how it smelled. Yet Magnus noticed (today we finally bought some of the old stuff so I would smell the same).
It's funny how, when in a relationship, those little things come up. Not that it's selfish or wrong to pick out my own body lotion, but it's just amazing to me how my little decisions impact Magnus. It reminds me again of Philippians 2:3-4 which states we need to "in humility consider others."
Even in my little decisions, by God's grace, I need to learn to consider others (and it will often be Magnus). As a single, I thought I did well considering others. As an engaged woman, I know I do poorly. How much more we have to learn to "do nothing from selfish ambition... but in humility consider others." I think that will be a huge learning point in marriage... and for the rest of my life.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Not Yet
The kingdom of heaven has been described as "already/not yet." Already because Christ has won the ultimate victory and as Christians we have power over sin and God can use us to advance his kingdom here on earth. The "not yet" portion relates to the fact that the full power, the full expression of the kingdom - where sickness is totally destroyed, where sin has no power - has not been fully ushered in.
I was reminded of the "not yet" aspect today and the pain that can bring. Being around an elderly couple seems to do that to me - remind me of the truth that we are not in heaven. Right now, we do not have the ultimate victory.
They are so close - so close to heaven, so close to their true home. They are waiting with patience until God sees the time right. He still has things to teach them (and me) through this time. Yet as they wait, they wait with hope and peace. Not concerned (except maybe about being troublesome to others).
They are not yet home, yet already display what will be so evident when they are - peace, joy, kindness and love. May we be reminded that we are not yet home, yet through Christ already have the power to live our lives as if we are.
I was reminded of the "not yet" aspect today and the pain that can bring. Being around an elderly couple seems to do that to me - remind me of the truth that we are not in heaven. Right now, we do not have the ultimate victory.
They are so close - so close to heaven, so close to their true home. They are waiting with patience until God sees the time right. He still has things to teach them (and me) through this time. Yet as they wait, they wait with hope and peace. Not concerned (except maybe about being troublesome to others).
They are not yet home, yet already display what will be so evident when they are - peace, joy, kindness and love. May we be reminded that we are not yet home, yet through Christ already have the power to live our lives as if we are.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
The Struggle to be Disciplined
Writing is a challenge for me right now. Usually, I am full of ideas and ready to sit down every few days to type something up. But not now. Now, I stare at the page and wonder what - if anything - I have to write that may be worth reading. (The calvinist in me thinks that nothing I have to write would be God honoring, but that's probably over analyzing it.)
Regardless, you come to a point where you have to consider the discipline involved to maintain activities. In swimming, it was clear - no one LIKES 4:45am practices, but you did them because you wanted to get better at swim meets. No matter how you FELT, you persevered.
So why not with writing - or with other spiritual disciplines? Paul chose to "press on" (Phil. 3:12) to receive the prize. Why don't we consider this in spiritual and emotional aspects of my life? If God has called us, we must not grow weary, but seek him - even when we may not feel like it.
It is easy to be discouraged and want to give up. That's ok. Giving up, however, is not an option. Whether God has called you to wait for directions or run fast - we need to obey. We need to make sure we are seeking to be sensitive to his Spirit, have wise counsel, and press on.
When discouraged, downtrodden, or ready to give up we should "lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (Heb. 12:1b-2)
Regardless, you come to a point where you have to consider the discipline involved to maintain activities. In swimming, it was clear - no one LIKES 4:45am practices, but you did them because you wanted to get better at swim meets. No matter how you FELT, you persevered.
So why not with writing - or with other spiritual disciplines? Paul chose to "press on" (Phil. 3:12) to receive the prize. Why don't we consider this in spiritual and emotional aspects of my life? If God has called us, we must not grow weary, but seek him - even when we may not feel like it.
It is easy to be discouraged and want to give up. That's ok. Giving up, however, is not an option. Whether God has called you to wait for directions or run fast - we need to obey. We need to make sure we are seeking to be sensitive to his Spirit, have wise counsel, and press on.
When discouraged, downtrodden, or ready to give up we should "lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (Heb. 12:1b-2)
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Destroying Secrets
I have never fully realized the power a secret has, until I told Magnus one. In Magnus' and my relationship something had happened that I had kept hidden from him - embarrassment and shame grabbed hold of me and I wanted to hide the truth. I wanted to pretend that it didn't impact anyone but me.
So I continued in that belief - falling more in love with him and journeying with him. But as the semester ended and I had more time to sit before God the secret came to my mind more and more. I didn't really want to tell him. I knew I would have to at some point... but not now.
The day my friend called and encouraged me (see this post), that afternoon I finally broke down and told him. He asked how long I had kept it from him and why I hadn't come to him sooner. Fear and shame were my only answers. It was then that I realized that this secret had trapped me and kept me from him, and from God.
I didn't even realize the devil's lie - that it was too shameful, that I was to blame, that I should be able to handle it on my own - until telling Magnus. As soon as it came to the light, there was a sense of relief and freedom. What had separated us was gone, God was free to work between us to bring healing.
He will, I'm confident of this, because that's what his word promises (James 5:16). God is bigger then the fears that haunt us, and what comes from the darkness into the light no longer had power over us.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Greener Grass
In the midst of a conversation with Magnus today he pointed out that an upcoming situation I was looking forward to would have some challenges. He wasn't being mean about it or critical, but honest as to the blessings and challenges. I was taken aback as I realized that I had been looking to that circumstance and the ease and relief it would bring and hadn't considered any challenges. I was looking to it as a "absolute." Simply, an idol.
I make things, people, or situations an idol so often it seems ridiculous. Yet here is a case where I did it again. I was looking for a change in circumstances to ease some of my fears and alleviate some of my stress as opposed to turning FIRST to God for those things. To be honest - a change in circumstances can alleviate stress and remove fear. But I was looking to them as opposed to God for the help.
It startled me at the ease with which I make things - good things - an idol. It is so much easier to hold onto the tangible things here and believe they will bring relief and comfort as opposed to first looking to God.
May we learn to look to God first and trust him to work in and through all the circumstances - good and bad - in our lives that he may grow us and make us evermore like his son.
I make things, people, or situations an idol so often it seems ridiculous. Yet here is a case where I did it again. I was looking for a change in circumstances to ease some of my fears and alleviate some of my stress as opposed to turning FIRST to God for those things. To be honest - a change in circumstances can alleviate stress and remove fear. But I was looking to them as opposed to God for the help.
It startled me at the ease with which I make things - good things - an idol. It is so much easier to hold onto the tangible things here and believe they will bring relief and comfort as opposed to first looking to God.
May we learn to look to God first and trust him to work in and through all the circumstances - good and bad - in our lives that he may grow us and make us evermore like his son.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Pride in Serving
I started a new job this week (praise the Lord for his provision) working with an elderly couple. To be honest, I came into the job a little proud. I was so thankful that God had provided the job, but I also realized the opportunity I had to serve and bless the couple I would be working with.
I came in thinking of all I had to offer - with a heart to serve, but not a heart to receive. How God has convicted me in this short time!
In this short week I have come to be amazed at the couple I am working with. They have had to be moved to their children's house and have done so with humility - not demanding of their children but allowing their children to serve them. They receive me and my offers of help with love and humility; they willingly accept the help I offer without a hint of resentment at the state of their condition.
All this I realized the first day or two. What I didn't realize until today was the legacy they've left. You see, for years they served as professors at CIU and the CIU alumni ministries asked people for notes to send to them. I spent time reading some of those notes today and realized that they've left a legacy and have impacted hundreds, if not thousands, of people's lives.
And they're graciously receiving my service. Today, I realized that I was just one more person they would minister to through the power of Christ.
And it hit me: do I realize that I can learn and be ministered to by ANY Christian (child, adult, elderly) or do I regulate to just the "special" Christians such as my pastor or known speakers?
Do I recognize that I will always have more to learn from others - that God will always have something to teach me through those around me - or am I only there to show my greatness and give?
Yikes. Surprising how pride can show up even in the act of "serving."
I came in thinking of all I had to offer - with a heart to serve, but not a heart to receive. How God has convicted me in this short time!
In this short week I have come to be amazed at the couple I am working with. They have had to be moved to their children's house and have done so with humility - not demanding of their children but allowing their children to serve them. They receive me and my offers of help with love and humility; they willingly accept the help I offer without a hint of resentment at the state of their condition.
All this I realized the first day or two. What I didn't realize until today was the legacy they've left. You see, for years they served as professors at CIU and the CIU alumni ministries asked people for notes to send to them. I spent time reading some of those notes today and realized that they've left a legacy and have impacted hundreds, if not thousands, of people's lives.
And they're graciously receiving my service. Today, I realized that I was just one more person they would minister to through the power of Christ.
And it hit me: do I realize that I can learn and be ministered to by ANY Christian (child, adult, elderly) or do I regulate to just the "special" Christians such as my pastor or known speakers?
Do I recognize that I will always have more to learn from others - that God will always have something to teach me through those around me - or am I only there to show my greatness and give?
Yikes. Surprising how pride can show up even in the act of "serving."
Sunday, May 20, 2012
God Loves Me, Even When I'm Mad
I woke up this morning a little mad at God. Yeah, I know it's not P.C., but it's how I was feeling. I spent time in prayer ending with a frustrated "help me." Ten or so minutes after that a friend called. A friend I haven't talked to in months who's on a different time zone - so while it was 9:30am here, it was 3:30am where she was. She told me simply God had placed me on her heart and asked how I was doing.
I just about broke down. I felt like God heard my cry and decided to answer it through my friend. I shared briefly with my friend how I was doing (not well) and she encouraged me, comforted me, and exhorted me.
She reminded me of the truth that nothing can separate me from God's love (Romans 8:38-39). She also called out some of my sin (perfectionism) and said what I feel so many friends have told me - I need rest.
After I got off the phone I was just astounded at how God moved. God, in his great love for me, placed a burden for me on the heart of a friend. He then gave her wisdom and insight to listen to me well, discern what was going on and then speak truth into my life. God loves me, and he chose to express that love through the body of Christ.
I am thankful for God's great love for me. I am still processing what my friend shared, my anger at God, and the fact that God "bothered" someone else for me, but am in thankful amazement at God's love.
I just about broke down. I felt like God heard my cry and decided to answer it through my friend. I shared briefly with my friend how I was doing (not well) and she encouraged me, comforted me, and exhorted me.
She reminded me of the truth that nothing can separate me from God's love (Romans 8:38-39). She also called out some of my sin (perfectionism) and said what I feel so many friends have told me - I need rest.
After I got off the phone I was just astounded at how God moved. God, in his great love for me, placed a burden for me on the heart of a friend. He then gave her wisdom and insight to listen to me well, discern what was going on and then speak truth into my life. God loves me, and he chose to express that love through the body of Christ.
I am thankful for God's great love for me. I am still processing what my friend shared, my anger at God, and the fact that God "bothered" someone else for me, but am in thankful amazement at God's love.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
More Than a Dress
I have gotten somewhat swept up in the wedding planning. I say somewhat because I was distracted by school and am just coming out of that. But the wedding planning - I have enjoyed being on pinterest and searching through ideas and finding various websites to search for wedding dresses. Somewhere in the process I got this concept about finding "the perfect" dress. I have this thought and vision of the style and so have been looking and looking, thinking I'd find "the one."
Yet, it hasn't happened. Somewhere in the midst of it all I made the dress an ultimate thing - I don't know how or when, but I did. And God had to remind me that it's not about the dress. Honestly, I think Magnus could care what sort of dress I wore walking down the aisle. I may be concerned with what I look like in front of everyone, but that will not be the focal point. For Magnus I, not the dress, will be his focal point.
I think I do that with Jesus, too. I get really concerned and worried about getting gussied up for him. I get concerned with how I'm doing my quiet times, if I'm doing enough "service," or other "Christiany" things so that I'll look good - have a pretty white dress.
Yet it is never about the outfit for Jesus, it's always about me. I don't quite get it - but God cares more about me, about who I am and my heart for him then he does about all the activities I'm doing. He'd rather me spend a day delighting in him then a day trying to win his favor by doing many good and noble deeds. What an awesome God we serve.
Yet, it hasn't happened. Somewhere in the midst of it all I made the dress an ultimate thing - I don't know how or when, but I did. And God had to remind me that it's not about the dress. Honestly, I think Magnus could care what sort of dress I wore walking down the aisle. I may be concerned with what I look like in front of everyone, but that will not be the focal point. For Magnus I, not the dress, will be his focal point.
I think I do that with Jesus, too. I get really concerned and worried about getting gussied up for him. I get concerned with how I'm doing my quiet times, if I'm doing enough "service," or other "Christiany" things so that I'll look good - have a pretty white dress.
Yet it is never about the outfit for Jesus, it's always about me. I don't quite get it - but God cares more about me, about who I am and my heart for him then he does about all the activities I'm doing. He'd rather me spend a day delighting in him then a day trying to win his favor by doing many good and noble deeds. What an awesome God we serve.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Do you have a theology of friendship?
I don't know if I do yet. I mentioned that Mark Driscoll's sermon sparked that thought for me. More specifically, he referenced Jesus' relationships as a basis for evaluating our relationships/friendships.
Jesus had the three friends - Peter, James and John - which were deep, intimate friends. He allowed them places others were not allowed (like bringing him with him to heal Jairus' daughter in Luke 8), asked for much of them (like staying close to him the final hours before his trial and crucifixion), and showed them more (Elijah and Moses). He also told Peter that he was saying things of Satan - when's the last time you told a GOOD, DEAR friend that they were saying something of Satan?
Jesus also had the twelve, the seventy, and the crowds. The bottom line of Driscoll is that Jesus was not, on earth, super close with everyone. He loved everyone, yes, but was not bosom buddies with all.
So why do we try to be? We have facebook which classifies everyone as a "friend." Often, we have a broad meaning of friendship that encompasses many more people and makes the friendships much more shallow. There is a difference between loving others as brothers and sisters and committing to being their friend - I believe that friendship calls for a deeper and sturdier commitment.
But that's just me, and this is very much in process. But I'd like to challenge you - how do you define a friend or the concept of friendship? How do you know if someone is a friend as opposed to an acquaintance?
Jesus had the three friends - Peter, James and John - which were deep, intimate friends. He allowed them places others were not allowed (like bringing him with him to heal Jairus' daughter in Luke 8), asked for much of them (like staying close to him the final hours before his trial and crucifixion), and showed them more (Elijah and Moses). He also told Peter that he was saying things of Satan - when's the last time you told a GOOD, DEAR friend that they were saying something of Satan?
Jesus also had the twelve, the seventy, and the crowds. The bottom line of Driscoll is that Jesus was not, on earth, super close with everyone. He loved everyone, yes, but was not bosom buddies with all.
So why do we try to be? We have facebook which classifies everyone as a "friend." Often, we have a broad meaning of friendship that encompasses many more people and makes the friendships much more shallow. There is a difference between loving others as brothers and sisters and committing to being their friend - I believe that friendship calls for a deeper and sturdier commitment.
But that's just me, and this is very much in process. But I'd like to challenge you - how do you define a friend or the concept of friendship? How do you know if someone is a friend as opposed to an acquaintance?
Friday, May 11, 2012
Whining to God
I was spending my lunch yesterday with Jesus and getting ticked mostly because it's been awhile since I've felt the Holy Spirit speak to me and the last times he did I was NOT being still and waiting (as Psalm 37:7a encourages us to do), I was whining and complaining. So, there I was, trying to be still before the Lord so that he would respond - note that YES I was trying to manipulate God by doing something so he would respond. Not good. Anyways, as I was attempting to be quiet before the Lord I started complaining, bugging him about speaking to me and wondering why it was ONLY when I complained.
The response I got? "Because that's when you're honest." It surprised me, and let me clearly say that this is not Bible truth, this is about my relationship with Jesus and the sins of my heart. But the value that God places on honesty surprised me. But that's how David was in the Psalms, right? He would complain, moan, and be honest... yet always turn back to God.
Now, I'm not advocating or saying that you will get a response if you complain to God. But I think God, in his grace, mercy and relationship with me realizes that when I am yelling and complaining I'm quite frustrated and determined. At that point, for me, I tend to grab on and beg, holding nothing back and being honest about the fact that I want a response and all pretense of me being good, kind, and worthy of a response is gone. Case in point - my prayer to God about wanting to know who my future husband is was an irritated cry of frustration, not a loving plea.
My prayer yesterday - an irritated, frustrated laying aside of all pretense at holiness and complaining. God knows me inside out and out of his grace, will often speak to me at my whiniest to reveal that it is truly a his grace to me, and nothing of my own.
Praise the Lord for his grace and his personal care for me.
The response I got? "Because that's when you're honest." It surprised me, and let me clearly say that this is not Bible truth, this is about my relationship with Jesus and the sins of my heart. But the value that God places on honesty surprised me. But that's how David was in the Psalms, right? He would complain, moan, and be honest... yet always turn back to God.
Now, I'm not advocating or saying that you will get a response if you complain to God. But I think God, in his grace, mercy and relationship with me realizes that when I am yelling and complaining I'm quite frustrated and determined. At that point, for me, I tend to grab on and beg, holding nothing back and being honest about the fact that I want a response and all pretense of me being good, kind, and worthy of a response is gone. Case in point - my prayer to God about wanting to know who my future husband is was an irritated cry of frustration, not a loving plea.
My prayer yesterday - an irritated, frustrated laying aside of all pretense at holiness and complaining. God knows me inside out and out of his grace, will often speak to me at my whiniest to reveal that it is truly a his grace to me, and nothing of my own.
Praise the Lord for his grace and his personal care for me.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Random Thoughts
The past two weeks I've been dealing with back pain, finishing finals and transitioning from my leadership role. All that to say, my time and energy has been diverted elsewhere, hence no blogs (don't know how much they're really missed, though).
Some thoughts I've had the past two weeks...
- Do I (you) have a good theology of friendship? - Thanks to Mark Driscoll for this question.
- How many of my actions are really based on Phil. 2:3-4 - to do nothing out of selfish ambition?
- What big picture things have God been teaching me this past year?
- How can I cultivate a heart of stillness before the Lord?
- How I can continue to cultivate a heart to deal with the tension of waiting?
- How can I better rejoice with those who are rejoicing?
More on these later... for now, one more day and finals will be done. Praise the Lord!
Some thoughts I've had the past two weeks...
- Do I (you) have a good theology of friendship? - Thanks to Mark Driscoll for this question.
- How many of my actions are really based on Phil. 2:3-4 - to do nothing out of selfish ambition?
- What big picture things have God been teaching me this past year?
- How can I cultivate a heart of stillness before the Lord?
- How I can continue to cultivate a heart to deal with the tension of waiting?
- How can I better rejoice with those who are rejoicing?
More on these later... for now, one more day and finals will be done. Praise the Lord!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Do we make room for prophets?
I was in church today and among other things, the issue of the Body of Christ was addresses along with our giftings - how our giftings are to be used to build up the Body. Yet, as I heard it I questioned the call because I wonder if we make room for prophets, those with discernment, those who are gifted and do not fit the mold.
I will not get into a theological debate over what gifts are still operating, but I seriously question whether or not church leaders are humbly willing to accept those with all the gifts as opposed to those gifts which easily fit the mode and model of "building up the church" - i.e. making people feel better.
Yet, the gift of discernment is given so people can see what is good and true and what is not. Prophecy (often) calls out the sin of the church. Do we really WANT those and recognize the importance of them in building up the Body of Christ?
In most churches, I doubt it. Personally, I know it is hard to receive a rebuke from a friend. I'd rather turn them away and say that they are wrong then to receive what they are saying as life and truth. Yet I have learned that those from the outside - who are outside my system of thinking - tend to see my blind spots, my sin, in much clearer ways then I ever could.
It has taken time (and still takes intentionality) but I am learning to be opening to rebukes and corrections, recognizing that they are of incredibly power in protecting me (and the church) from error and sin that they would otherwise fall into.
Now, do we make room for prophets - those who call out sin - both personally AND corporately?
I will not get into a theological debate over what gifts are still operating, but I seriously question whether or not church leaders are humbly willing to accept those with all the gifts as opposed to those gifts which easily fit the mode and model of "building up the church" - i.e. making people feel better.
Yet, the gift of discernment is given so people can see what is good and true and what is not. Prophecy (often) calls out the sin of the church. Do we really WANT those and recognize the importance of them in building up the Body of Christ?
In most churches, I doubt it. Personally, I know it is hard to receive a rebuke from a friend. I'd rather turn them away and say that they are wrong then to receive what they are saying as life and truth. Yet I have learned that those from the outside - who are outside my system of thinking - tend to see my blind spots, my sin, in much clearer ways then I ever could.
It has taken time (and still takes intentionality) but I am learning to be opening to rebukes and corrections, recognizing that they are of incredibly power in protecting me (and the church) from error and sin that they would otherwise fall into.
Now, do we make room for prophets - those who call out sin - both personally AND corporately?
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Independence and Relationship
I never realized the challenges that going from a fairly independent woman to being in a relationship would involve, yet they become more evident the longer Magnus and I are together. As we've spent time talking and addressed the issue of leave and cleave (Gen. 2:24) I've expressed that I'd have the greater problem cleaving. So true.
I've seen that pop up this week with the realization that I still have the tendency to want to do things for myself. Not that this is bad, but I have failed to allow or invite Magnus to serve me. I've kept that wall up of "I can do this" and that's hindered growth in our relationship.
I'm surprised at the humility that is required in expressing desires - not in a demanding way, but in an inviting way. I'm surprised, also, at his willingness and eagerness to serve me.
I realize that this is often my attitude towards God, as well. I have a sense of "I'm ok, I can do this, I'm capable. It'll be ok." I want to be independent of my need of God. Yet God is waiting for me to ask. He doesn't want to force himself on me, but my pride in thinking I can manage on my own can cause me to miss out simply because I do not turn to him for help.
James 4:2b - "You do not have, because you do not ask." Independent, prideful thinking has no place in relation to God (or in close, intimate relationships). May we learn to live in dependence on God - asking and holding hands open for him to give and take away as he sees fit.
I've seen that pop up this week with the realization that I still have the tendency to want to do things for myself. Not that this is bad, but I have failed to allow or invite Magnus to serve me. I've kept that wall up of "I can do this" and that's hindered growth in our relationship.
I'm surprised at the humility that is required in expressing desires - not in a demanding way, but in an inviting way. I'm surprised, also, at his willingness and eagerness to serve me.
I realize that this is often my attitude towards God, as well. I have a sense of "I'm ok, I can do this, I'm capable. It'll be ok." I want to be independent of my need of God. Yet God is waiting for me to ask. He doesn't want to force himself on me, but my pride in thinking I can manage on my own can cause me to miss out simply because I do not turn to him for help.
James 4:2b - "You do not have, because you do not ask." Independent, prideful thinking has no place in relation to God (or in close, intimate relationships). May we learn to live in dependence on God - asking and holding hands open for him to give and take away as he sees fit.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Leaving Room for God
The past week I have started to see God move in my life. Not that he wasn't before, but I just didn't feel or see it. And not that it's in profound ways, I'm just more aware of it.
It's been in the simple things - after drowning myself in school work I'll go for a walk and run into people who need encouragement or who greatly encourage me. Sitting down and spending time in the book of John I find the Holy Spirit opening my eyes anew to who Jesus is and how all the love and compassion he displays there he has towards me. Getting to church a few minutes early on Sunday I found myself drawn into an encouraging conversation with people I had never officially met before.
In all this I have found I have to leave room, leave space to hear and listen to these promptings. Turn off the music and get out of the apartment. Get to church a few minutes early. Diligently spend time in the Word, even if I have a ton of school work to do. Call that friend I've been thinking of. For someone who loves structure (me) it can be hard to leave room to listen and be still. Yet, without leaving this space I will fail to hear God's voice and see him move in my life.
It's been in the simple things - after drowning myself in school work I'll go for a walk and run into people who need encouragement or who greatly encourage me. Sitting down and spending time in the book of John I find the Holy Spirit opening my eyes anew to who Jesus is and how all the love and compassion he displays there he has towards me. Getting to church a few minutes early on Sunday I found myself drawn into an encouraging conversation with people I had never officially met before.
In all this I have found I have to leave room, leave space to hear and listen to these promptings. Turn off the music and get out of the apartment. Get to church a few minutes early. Diligently spend time in the Word, even if I have a ton of school work to do. Call that friend I've been thinking of. For someone who loves structure (me) it can be hard to leave room to listen and be still. Yet, without leaving this space I will fail to hear God's voice and see him move in my life.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Needy
The past four weeks I've been feeling more needy then I have in a while.
- I've felt a need for the Word - to have truth breathed into my life to be encouraged, built up, edified and convicted.
- I've felt a need for people - to have truth breathed into my life, be encouraged, exhorted and loved on.
- I've felt a need for prayer - a desperate need that some days I simply cannot make it through myself.
All of these things have not been fun for me. I've felt very dependent and not very competent (much pride there?). A good deal of this has bubbled over in frustration to others, especially today. As I was sitting talking with my mentor about my frustration, inadequacies and needs he looked at me and said "That's why we're part of a Body. That demonstrates the Body of Christ when we ask others for help, especially in areas of weakness."
Simple, sweet, beautiful truth. I usually get so bogged down and focused on the need that I forget to see what God is doing around me - that he's reminding me that I am not alone and can't do this alone, and that HE ultimately wants to meet my needs.
It basically hits me with this fact - it's ok to be needy but it's not good to deny one's neediness. Once we recognize the need, God ultimately desires to meet the needs (yet he so often and graciously does it through people). Yet without admitting to the need, I will never even realize that God desires to pour out blessings to meet those needs.
I must be willing to confess my needs, open my hands, and humbly receive what God has to offer.
- I've felt a need for the Word - to have truth breathed into my life to be encouraged, built up, edified and convicted.
- I've felt a need for people - to have truth breathed into my life, be encouraged, exhorted and loved on.
- I've felt a need for prayer - a desperate need that some days I simply cannot make it through myself.
All of these things have not been fun for me. I've felt very dependent and not very competent (much pride there?). A good deal of this has bubbled over in frustration to others, especially today. As I was sitting talking with my mentor about my frustration, inadequacies and needs he looked at me and said "That's why we're part of a Body. That demonstrates the Body of Christ when we ask others for help, especially in areas of weakness."
Simple, sweet, beautiful truth. I usually get so bogged down and focused on the need that I forget to see what God is doing around me - that he's reminding me that I am not alone and can't do this alone, and that HE ultimately wants to meet my needs.
It basically hits me with this fact - it's ok to be needy but it's not good to deny one's neediness. Once we recognize the need, God ultimately desires to meet the needs (yet he so often and graciously does it through people). Yet without admitting to the need, I will never even realize that God desires to pour out blessings to meet those needs.
I must be willing to confess my needs, open my hands, and humbly receive what God has to offer.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Tired of Waiting
The past three weeks have been hard - hit by waves of different struggles in various aspects of my life. It hasn't been fun. I sat down and was talking with Jesus about some of it... and getting mad. Quite frankly, I know I'm having a real conversation with God if I get pissed-off; it lets me know that my true feelings are coming out and that I'm being honest, likely sinning, and allowing his grace to encompass me all the same.
I came to the point of telling God I was tired of this frustrating and stressful time and wanted to be done with it, I was just tired of waiting. Period. When I realized what I wrote I just about laughed because I was so focused on the circumstances. I often look at my circumstances and get angry because things don't seem to be going my way. But when I am looking at the circumstances, I am failing to keep my gaze steadily directed at God. Through every situation God is seeking to draw us to himself - secure us in our love, content us in his grace, cause us to realize that whatever else is going on around us he is still God and to be worshiped, adored and revered.
I learned a little about waiting with circumstances I did not like while I was single, but apparently God has more to teach me (well, maybe a LOT more to teach me). Proper perspective - what is needed to persevere through every circumstance in life and to endure the ever-present "waiting" phase.
I came to the point of telling God I was tired of this frustrating and stressful time and wanted to be done with it, I was just tired of waiting. Period. When I realized what I wrote I just about laughed because I was so focused on the circumstances. I often look at my circumstances and get angry because things don't seem to be going my way. But when I am looking at the circumstances, I am failing to keep my gaze steadily directed at God. Through every situation God is seeking to draw us to himself - secure us in our love, content us in his grace, cause us to realize that whatever else is going on around us he is still God and to be worshiped, adored and revered.
I learned a little about waiting with circumstances I did not like while I was single, but apparently God has more to teach me (well, maybe a LOT more to teach me). Proper perspective - what is needed to persevere through every circumstance in life and to endure the ever-present "waiting" phase.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Pride and Selfishness (Part Two)
The other week I shared some about how God convicted me of pride. Some of the generic (easy to do). Yet, pride is so easy to talk about struggling with it can be annoying to hear someone claim they struggle with it - or maybe I'm alone in that. Regardless, here's some of the ways God revealed pride creeping into my life:
- In my relationship with Magnus. Specifically in regards to picking fights. I was being selfish and self-centered on my needs and not considering him (Phil. 2:3-4)... and then getting annoyed at him for not thinking the same way.
- In my leadership. I was failing to pray and invite God personally into the meetings and was not relying on the Spirit at meetings. I relied on my past experience to carry me through and failed to recognize that God may still want to convict and grow me through my remaining time as a leader.
- In my times with Jesus. Yikes. God slowly drew me back to the Word where he reminded me that it is important to NOT ONLY talk with him daily, but to be in his Word daily. Without truth being breathed into me I start seeing as the world sees. I was proud in heart to believe that I did not need truth.
So those are my areas (for now). I know you have them too. By God's grace He will continue to pursue and convict us, and may we be repentant and sensitive to His Spirit.
- In my relationship with Magnus. Specifically in regards to picking fights. I was being selfish and self-centered on my needs and not considering him (Phil. 2:3-4)... and then getting annoyed at him for not thinking the same way.
- In my leadership. I was failing to pray and invite God personally into the meetings and was not relying on the Spirit at meetings. I relied on my past experience to carry me through and failed to recognize that God may still want to convict and grow me through my remaining time as a leader.
- In my times with Jesus. Yikes. God slowly drew me back to the Word where he reminded me that it is important to NOT ONLY talk with him daily, but to be in his Word daily. Without truth being breathed into me I start seeing as the world sees. I was proud in heart to believe that I did not need truth.
So those are my areas (for now). I know you have them too. By God's grace He will continue to pursue and convict us, and may we be repentant and sensitive to His Spirit.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
The Benefit of Lent
He is risen. Praise the Lord! Today should be the Christian's most joyful day.
Today was a nice day... but it wasn't the Easter I'm used to. As I've mentioned, the past few years I've observed Lent - I fasted and when Easter came I cut loose. Not fasting this year lessened the anticipation of Easter and took away from the celebration.
This glorious day did not so much feel like the celebration of our risen Savior, but instead a day with family and friends. Not a bad thing, but not Easter in my mind - my heart was not prepared to celebrate.
There is nothing profound here, just my thoughts. Traditions help heighten anticipation and prepare one's heart. Easter should be an amazing focal point and joyful reminder of the freedom Christians have. It should also be the impetus to share the gospel with those who do not know Christ. Our hearts should be cultivated towards these and if not at Easter, when? and if not through lent, how?
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
My Sin is Showing - Pride and Selfishness (Part 1)
The past few days God has gently (by his grace) been revealing my pride and selfishness. It started Sunday when I prayed through various sins with a friend and was struck by how many of the aspects of pride I had fallen into. Today, I will simply list them (as gathered from Neil Anderson's pamphlet The Steps to Freedom in Christ) and challenge you to consider and confess. I could see how I had fallen into all of these (more on that later):
- Having a stronger desire to do my will than God's will
- Leaning too much on my own understanding and experience rather than seeking God's guidance through prayer and His Word
- Relying on my own strengths and resources instead of depending on the power of the Holy Spirit
- Being more concerned about controlling others than in developing self-control
- Being too busy doing seemingly important and selfish things rather than seeking and doing God's will
- Having a tendency to think that I have no needs
- Finding it hard to admit when I am wrong
- Being overly concerned about getting the credit I feel I deserve
- Thinking I am more humble, spiritual, religious, or devoted than others
- Being driven to obtain recognition by attaining degrees, titles and positions
- Often feeling that my needs are more important than another person's needs
- Considering myself better than others because of my academic, artistic or athletic abilities and accomplishments
- Having feelings of inferiority appearing as false humility
- Not waiting on God
- Other ways I have thought more highly of myself than I should
Here's a prayer of confession that goes along with it (again, from Neil Anderson's pamphlet):
Lord Jesus, I agree I have been proud by [name each item from above that fit you]. Thank you for your forgiveness. I choose to humble myself before you and others. I choose to place all my confidence in you and not to put confidence in my flesh. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
- Having a stronger desire to do my will than God's will
- Leaning too much on my own understanding and experience rather than seeking God's guidance through prayer and His Word
- Relying on my own strengths and resources instead of depending on the power of the Holy Spirit
- Being more concerned about controlling others than in developing self-control
- Being too busy doing seemingly important and selfish things rather than seeking and doing God's will
- Having a tendency to think that I have no needs
- Finding it hard to admit when I am wrong
- Being overly concerned about getting the credit I feel I deserve
- Thinking I am more humble, spiritual, religious, or devoted than others
- Being driven to obtain recognition by attaining degrees, titles and positions
- Often feeling that my needs are more important than another person's needs
- Considering myself better than others because of my academic, artistic or athletic abilities and accomplishments
- Having feelings of inferiority appearing as false humility
- Not waiting on God
- Other ways I have thought more highly of myself than I should
Here's a prayer of confession that goes along with it (again, from Neil Anderson's pamphlet):
Lord Jesus, I agree I have been proud by [name each item from above that fit you]. Thank you for your forgiveness. I choose to humble myself before you and others. I choose to place all my confidence in you and not to put confidence in my flesh. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
My Vulnerabilities are Showing
This past week was crazy. Coming back from Spring Break and jumping into "real life" hit me like a ton of bricks. That, and being more fatigued then I expected. The devil had a field day. He hit me in old places - you know those places that you thought you made progress on, thought there was so much victory? So that if they come up again you tend to feel you've made no progress? - well those were the places that were hit.
I was hit with crazy, deep fears. Did you know that contemplating marriage and the blending of two lives means you have to trust God not just with how he will direct you, but how he will work in and direct the other person? Scary - especially when holding hopes and dreams a little too tightly.
I started (irrationally, not trusting God) to feel trapped - like I've felt before, I felt God did not and does not have plans for my wholeness but instead plans for pain and heartache.
I started feeling like a failure - that the work God has called me to this semester (GLC) is not succeeding. This is something that cannot be truly measured but before God in being faithful to his calling.
A friend prayed with my through some of theses fears and pointed out that the devil loves to attack our vulnerabilities - our "chinks" in our armor (especially at times of physical or emotional fatigue). So true.
Today that friend walked me through a time of prayer revealing areas in need of confession (lots of pride) and affirming my standing in Christ.
Praise the Lord for his body (the church), for his constant work in my life, and for not giving me more then I can handle.
I was hit with crazy, deep fears. Did you know that contemplating marriage and the blending of two lives means you have to trust God not just with how he will direct you, but how he will work in and direct the other person? Scary - especially when holding hopes and dreams a little too tightly.
I started (irrationally, not trusting God) to feel trapped - like I've felt before, I felt God did not and does not have plans for my wholeness but instead plans for pain and heartache.
I started feeling like a failure - that the work God has called me to this semester (GLC) is not succeeding. This is something that cannot be truly measured but before God in being faithful to his calling.
A friend prayed with my through some of theses fears and pointed out that the devil loves to attack our vulnerabilities - our "chinks" in our armor (especially at times of physical or emotional fatigue). So true.
Today that friend walked me through a time of prayer revealing areas in need of confession (lots of pride) and affirming my standing in Christ.
Praise the Lord for his body (the church), for his constant work in my life, and for not giving me more then I can handle.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
The Need of Rest
This week I came back from Spring Break and as people asked how it went I answered - good balance of rest and work.
Apparently, I did not rest as well as I thought because this week as I started classes I found myself quickly exhausted. Not fun. Also not fun because I've realized so clearly that when you are tired you are much more susceptible to spiritual attack, discouragement and more. Again, not fun.
So I've come back to the point of recognizing one's physical health and sanity is important - it's not just about the spiritual and emotional.
God cares about every aspect of your life - a good lesson to learn (and relearn) now.
Apparently, I did not rest as well as I thought because this week as I started classes I found myself quickly exhausted. Not fun. Also not fun because I've realized so clearly that when you are tired you are much more susceptible to spiritual attack, discouragement and more. Again, not fun.
So I've come back to the point of recognizing one's physical health and sanity is important - it's not just about the spiritual and emotional.
God cares about every aspect of your life - a good lesson to learn (and relearn) now.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Preparing to Pray
I am preparing to preach in a few weeks on Daniel's prayer in Daniel 9 and am amazed by it. No wonder it was answered AS he was still praying (Daniel 9:20-21). Wouldn't we love that? I mean, God can still act in the same way he did with Daniel, though I don't know what I'd do if an angel came in response to my prayers. Honestly, I don't think I pray specifically and as humbly as Daniel to warrant an angel coming.
Regardless, here are two insights from Daniel in his preparation for prayer:
- Daniel prayed informed prayers. Daniel searched out Scripture (Dan. 9:2) so as to know the time the Lord appointed. Do we? I feel we so often will go into a situation - pray for a church, leaders, unreached people group, etc. - and expect to have impact with little knowledge and vague "God bless them" or "God, heal that person." We need to know what we're praying about and seek God's will so we are praying in accords with it into a situation. Need to know God's will? Search Scripture - see how God acted in similar situations or seek out the truth of the promises he proclaims.
- Daniel entered seriously - he fasted as well as prayed (Dan. 9:3). When's the last time you cared to receive an answer that you actually fasted? I have to say this personally resonates with me in that this past summer I was finally at the place of longing for a husband that I spent time fasting for him - for some other things as well, but definitely for my future husband. As I look back I simply am shocked at how quickly God answered that time of fasting and prayer. If you are really craving an answer, do you crave that answer more than food? Do you crave God's presence more than food? I don't know how or why, but I know that when we get serious about a prayer to the point of being willing to give up food this stirs God.
I hope these provide blessing and encouragement as we journey deeper with the Lord and learn to pray in line with God's will.
Regardless, here are two insights from Daniel in his preparation for prayer:
- Daniel prayed informed prayers. Daniel searched out Scripture (Dan. 9:2) so as to know the time the Lord appointed. Do we? I feel we so often will go into a situation - pray for a church, leaders, unreached people group, etc. - and expect to have impact with little knowledge and vague "God bless them" or "God, heal that person." We need to know what we're praying about and seek God's will so we are praying in accords with it into a situation. Need to know God's will? Search Scripture - see how God acted in similar situations or seek out the truth of the promises he proclaims.
- Daniel entered seriously - he fasted as well as prayed (Dan. 9:3). When's the last time you cared to receive an answer that you actually fasted? I have to say this personally resonates with me in that this past summer I was finally at the place of longing for a husband that I spent time fasting for him - for some other things as well, but definitely for my future husband. As I look back I simply am shocked at how quickly God answered that time of fasting and prayer. If you are really craving an answer, do you crave that answer more than food? Do you crave God's presence more than food? I don't know how or why, but I know that when we get serious about a prayer to the point of being willing to give up food this stirs God.
I hope these provide blessing and encouragement as we journey deeper with the Lord and learn to pray in line with God's will.
Friday, March 23, 2012
On Conflict
Magnus and I fight. Or you could say "experience conflict." In the early days of our relationship this freaked me out. How would things work if we were in conflict this much? And occasionally my concern went to - will things actually be resolved? This was frustrating considering I had, in the back of my mind, the thought that God told me he was the one.
These are some of the things I learned through the process (and hold onto when we fight now):
- Conflict (or fights) are not bad. They bring up issues that needed to be talked about. We would talk about them instead of avoid them and while it was frustrating, it was good to be honest.
- Different people have differing amounts of conflict. When stressed about how much conflict we were having, one friend shared this insight - "He's fiery, you're passionate; you're likely to have more then the 'average' amount of conflict." But that's part of what I love about him, so why should it concern me so much?
- Resolving conflict is key, but it may not take one go. We fought about/discussed the same issue more then once. Thankfully, there was a series on marriage going on at my church at the time where the pastor confessed to the the fact that it would take him and his wife a few times talking about something before it was fully resolved. It gave me freedom to continue a discussion - not pick a dead issue, but to say "We missed something" and talk about it a little more.
- Timing matters. I picked some bad times to start discussions that led to conflict. I'm still learning this. It's a hard balance because when I want to talk about something it feels SO urgent to me, but I need more grace in learning to hold back and love him well and wait until there is a good time for BOTH of us.
- Humility is essential. Honestly, I think Magnus demonstrates this a lot more in our conflicts then I do. He's patient with me, willing to listen, and more than willing to admit when he's wrong.
All these have helped me trust God and Magnus more as conflict comes up - I know he's brought us together and I know the Holy Spirit is at work in Magnus to convict him (as well as myself) in areas where growth is needed.
These are some of the things I learned through the process (and hold onto when we fight now):
- Conflict (or fights) are not bad. They bring up issues that needed to be talked about. We would talk about them instead of avoid them and while it was frustrating, it was good to be honest.
- Different people have differing amounts of conflict. When stressed about how much conflict we were having, one friend shared this insight - "He's fiery, you're passionate; you're likely to have more then the 'average' amount of conflict." But that's part of what I love about him, so why should it concern me so much?
- Resolving conflict is key, but it may not take one go. We fought about/discussed the same issue more then once. Thankfully, there was a series on marriage going on at my church at the time where the pastor confessed to the the fact that it would take him and his wife a few times talking about something before it was fully resolved. It gave me freedom to continue a discussion - not pick a dead issue, but to say "We missed something" and talk about it a little more.
- Timing matters. I picked some bad times to start discussions that led to conflict. I'm still learning this. It's a hard balance because when I want to talk about something it feels SO urgent to me, but I need more grace in learning to hold back and love him well and wait until there is a good time for BOTH of us.
- Humility is essential. Honestly, I think Magnus demonstrates this a lot more in our conflicts then I do. He's patient with me, willing to listen, and more than willing to admit when he's wrong.
All these have helped me trust God and Magnus more as conflict comes up - I know he's brought us together and I know the Holy Spirit is at work in Magnus to convict him (as well as myself) in areas where growth is needed.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Insight Into A Class (and a challenge)
I am in classes here at seminary (well, technically on Spring Break) and there is some learning going on. Some. I've been studying this week for a midterm (which I took earlier today) and one of the questions was on the concept of general and special canonical revelation. General revelation is the fact that God has revealed himself through creation and man's conscience (Romans 1:19-20, 32, 2:14-15). Special canonical revelation is the fact that God speaks to humans in their language to reveal aspects of His will, especially regarding salvation (Acts 4:12, 2 Tim. 3:15).
What really got me was the fact that there is not a third category, which I think there should be. Special revelation was focused on salvation and left a question in my mind - what about dreams people have that lead them to pursue salvation? What about the fact that God still speaks to Christians today to reveal his will (as he did with me in regards to Magnus)?
I wonder if there needs to be a third category of "special revelation" that states that yes, God still speaks to his followers to reveal his will - yes, this needs to be tested against Scripture, but when we neglect it don't we miss out on the depth of relationship Christ wishes to have with us?
Just my challenge to the status quo. God's actively involved in our lives and the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow - so why do we make less room for him and expect less involvement then he had in the days of Scripture?
What really got me was the fact that there is not a third category, which I think there should be. Special revelation was focused on salvation and left a question in my mind - what about dreams people have that lead them to pursue salvation? What about the fact that God still speaks to Christians today to reveal his will (as he did with me in regards to Magnus)?
I wonder if there needs to be a third category of "special revelation" that states that yes, God still speaks to his followers to reveal his will - yes, this needs to be tested against Scripture, but when we neglect it don't we miss out on the depth of relationship Christ wishes to have with us?
Just my challenge to the status quo. God's actively involved in our lives and the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow - so why do we make less room for him and expect less involvement then he had in the days of Scripture?
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