On Conflict

Magnus and I fight. Or you could say "experience conflict." In the early days of our relationship this freaked me out. How would things work if we were in conflict this much? And occasionally my concern went to - will things actually be resolved? This was frustrating considering I had, in the back of my mind, the thought that God told me he was the one.
These are some of the things I learned through the process (and hold onto when we fight now):
- Conflict (or fights) are not bad. They bring up issues that needed to be talked about. We would talk about them instead of avoid them and while it was frustrating, it was good to be honest.
- Different people have differing amounts of conflict. When stressed about how much conflict we were having, one friend shared this insight - "He's fiery, you're passionate; you're likely to have more then the 'average' amount of conflict." But that's part of what I love about him, so why should it concern me so much?
- Resolving conflict is key, but it may not take one go. We fought about/discussed the same issue more then once. Thankfully, there was a series on marriage going on at my church at the time where the pastor confessed to the the fact that it would take him and his wife a few times talking about something before it was fully resolved. It gave me freedom to continue a discussion - not pick a dead issue, but to say "We missed something" and talk about it a little more.
- Timing matters. I picked some bad times to start discussions that led to conflict. I'm still learning this. It's a hard balance because when I want to talk about something it feels SO urgent to me, but I need more grace in learning to hold back and love him well and wait until there is a good time for BOTH of us.
- Humility is essential. Honestly, I think Magnus demonstrates this a lot more in our conflicts then I do. He's patient with me, willing to listen, and more than willing to admit when he's wrong.
All these have helped me trust God and Magnus more as conflict comes up - I know he's brought us together and I know the Holy Spirit is at work in Magnus to convict him (as well as myself) in areas where growth is needed.