Eyes on God

I felt like so much of this week has been "blah" in so many ways. So many not-so-fun ways.
And God is calling me to look at the bigger picture. It's hard for me; likely it's my self-centeredness. I get stuck on myself - what's happening in my world now. I forget to look outside myself. Forget that God is on the move all around me.
Our God is bigger; he specializes in using broken, blah-feeling people. It often amazes and astounds me the types of people he's used throughout history. I mean, I wouldn't have picked a murderer to be a king, much less to be in my ancestry line. But God has the big picture in view. He knows the heart and he knows he can use the broken people.
So, once I can get my eyes off myself and back onto God I can remember that he's bigger then me, my life, my circumstances and he is working all around me (including within me). He can work in ways I never could dream and he is wise, loving and good.

More then a Cold?

I came down with a bad cold/flu-ish thing yesterday leaving me holed up in my apartment except for classes. Not fun at all.
What this has made me start thinking of, though, is spiritual warfare. Really. Because right now I feel like there's a lot going on in terms of planning things for World Christian Week and the start of classes in general and I wonder at the timing. I know we in the West like to explain things by natural causes. It's really easy to look at a cold and say simply "duh, it's a cold." But could there also be an attempt here by the enemy?
I was introduced to the concept of the "forgotten middle" a few years ago - this concept that we in the West don't see things as having supernatural causes because we see things as explainable by nature or we simply jump to the concept of God, but those in other countries often will see supernatural cause/effect because between what is seeable and the divine in their worldview stands many angels, demons, etc. Spiritual warfare in other countries, then, is often much more profound where amulets and curses actually have power - not more power then the blood of Christ, though!
But what is spiritual warfare in the West? Are we aware of spiritual warfare or do we avoid the concept all together?

Fight For Joy

John Piper often talks about the Christian life in warfare terms. That  appeals to me, and not just because Paul speaks of the Christian life as such (1 Cor. 9:26, 1 Tim. 6:12, 2 Tim 4:7).  I like this because it reminds me that I'm not defeated when I feel down, that I can fight for the joy of the Lord.
For the past month or so I had something weighing heavy on my heart. I would wake up thinking of the issue, frustrated and sad. I told some friends and asked for prayer. And waited.
I continued to pray, continued to search out scripture, continued to pour out my heart to God, continued to ask God to reveal any areas of sin within my life, continued to just seek Him and ask Him why. I got frustrated with the time it was taking for this to lift, but I had confidence that my God is faithful.
Sometime last week the weight began to lift. I don't know why, but am so thankful.
And this is part of the reason I like the concept of warfare - we are in a war. We are in a spiritual battle and we can have victory. But are we willing to put in the time and effort it takes to achieve the victory? Not that it's of our own working, truly only of God's. But God has provided us means by which he desires to pour grace into our lives - do we take advantage of them? Of prayer, of the Word, of intercession, fellowship, confession?
On another note - are we even aware of the battle that is going on around us? If we have no concept that we are in a war is that a reflection of our spiritual life or lack of involvement in it?
Whether joyful or sorrowful, continue to fight for your joy. And while you're at it, fight for other's joy as well.
"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." I Timothy 6:12

Single - a Challenge to Family?

For my member care class I had to read a book called Single Women: Challenge to the church? by Kristin Aune. While I found most of the book so-so, there were a few points that really stuck out to me. One of which was Aune's comment that "singleness challenges the Christian definition of 'family.'" She went on to quote Ben Witherington as saying "What is desperately needed and seldom found in the church is an adequate theology of the family and faith... blood should not be thicker than the baptismal waters in the church. His [Paul's] idea of family 'church' is actualized where God's people treat each other as their primary family, not just as some secondary social gathering that happens once a week and that promotes the agenda of the nuclear family."
I often find myself forgetting that the church is to be my primary family. I am easily swept up in the notion that being married and having a family would somehow be better for the church or society - not that these things are bad, but they are not the most important. Jesus, when called by his nuclear, biological family to come be with them as opposed to staying with his followers declared that whoever does God's will is his family (Matthew 12:48-50).
It is sometimes amazing to believe that total "strangers" could stick with you through thick and thin, but that is the call of the church. As single people we have the opportunity to make clear that family is not of the first importance (not to dismiss the importance of honoring one's parenting and loving them well), but the church is to be primary. That is our call to be the church, to be family to those within it (and love on those outside it).

With all My Heart

Waiting on God is a process that involves the heart, not just the mind. It is so easy, especially at seminary, to fall into the trap and believe that the more I learn and the more I know, the easier it will be to follow God and know where He is leading me. There is something that so easily stirs within myself to believe that some effort of my own can bring me to a place of rest. If I just learn this one more thing, if I just say these right words, if I just do this one more thing... but it is not about my effort at all. My striving attempts will utterly fail me; they leave me a mess.
So I content myself with trusting and believing God. I must remember that all I learn, all I do, will not really result in anything great or noteworthy. It is God working in and through me, it is my heart trusting in God, that He will work in His timing and in His way.
"The Christian always needs, when he has studied or heard God's Word, to cease from his thoughts, to put no trust in them, to awaken his heart to open itself before God, and seek the living fellowship with Him." (Andrew Murray, Waiting on God).

A Little Smitten

From time to time I become smitten with an author. Sometimes the smitten-ness stays, sometimes it fades. Andrew Murray is an author that I am definitely smitten with and that smitten-ness has stayed over time.
I have a huge book of compiled Andrew Murray books, mostly focused on prayer (making me SOOO happy to read good writing on prayer!). At the beginning of January I started reading his book called Waiting on God. Today's entry was focused on the fact that we are to encourage one another through prayer to wait patiently on the Lord.
This reminded my heart of the truth that we are all waiting. We are not in heaven yet, so things are not perfect. We all have some sort of ache with the imperfections of this world. So we, as Christians brothers and sisters, have the opportunity to encourage each other in this through prayer. How much we share of our heartaches with one another is another matter, but we are not alone in our waiting state.
I will close with Murray's recorded prayer:
Blessed Father, we humbly beseech You, let none who wait on You be ashamed; no not one. Some are weary, and the time of waiting appears long. And some are feeble and scarcely know how to wait. And some are so entangled in the effort of their prayers and their work, they think that they can find no time to wait continually. Father, teach us all how to wait! Teach us to think of each other and pray for each other. Teach us to think of You, the God of all waiting ones. Father, let none who wait on You be ashamed! For Jesus' sake. Amen.

A Sweater for the Week

My winterim class is done. Wow. It was an intense week, but I feel so blessed to have been a part of it!
I was able to be reminded of how much I enjoy psychology, meet some great people and learn so much about what is happening in the field of member care.
Aside from enjoying the learning aspect of the course, I had a little work going on the side:

This is a sweater, or at least the beginnings of one, which I knit away at while in class (if you love knitting and blog's, check out my friend Rebecca's who gave me the yarn for this sweater)

I have never knit a sweater before, or read a pattern, so I started with a little concern but was able to make some great progress. As I was going along in this I was reminded of something Sarah said to me while I was teaching her to crochet over winter break.

We had been talking some about Jesus earlier that day... I don't remember what specifically, but as we were crocheting I was helping her correct some mistakes and reassuring her that it is perfectly ok to make mistakes on her first scarf. I told her it's fine and normal and she's going to learn and not to worry... and she looked at me and  said something along the lines of "You know, knitting is a lot like us and God. We make mistakes, but it's ok because He'll forgive us." I was sort of shocked and surprised by this comparison.

But as I worked on the sweater this week I was constantly reminded of Sarah's words. Making mistakes is ok. God forgives us, weaves in the loose end, and can make something tremendously beautiful mistakes and all. The best part? Most people can't even tell where those mistakes were made.

Knowing you exist in someone else's mind...

Is secure attachment (according to Peter Fonagy). I know, I'm back to the attachment issue.
This comment made me think of the apostle Paul saying "I have you in my heart" (Phil. 1:7) to the Philippian church. He also told them how he remembered them in his prayers (Phil. 1:3-4). Paul also asked others to pray for him (Romans 15:30).
We need to be intentional with our prayers for one another - making certain to hold our friends in our minds through prayer. This connection provides strength and comfort - we are connected to the body through prayer. Others know about us and our praying for us. We are not alone.
This is so true for those going overseas: having a solid support base, having people who will have you "existing" in their mind in prayer allows a overseas worker to thrive in their ministry and work. Those not going need to be intentional about getting to know those going overseas so they can hold them in their minds, join them through prayer. For those going, it is not just a receiving of these prayers and support. Paul modeled a holding of the other in one's mind and this must be done (whether as a group or individuals).
We are to engage with one another in prayer; providing comfort, support and assurance that we truly are part of the body of Christ, wherever we are.

Culture, Attachment and Need

I'm taking a class this week called Home Life Enhancement - a member care class that focuses on a missionary's life within their home: marriage, kids, etc. I'm only on day two, but so far I have thoroughly enjoyed the class.
Today we talked about attachment theory and its implications to people in general and to missionaries in specific. I know psychology can scare many people away with theories and wondering if they're biblical and what-not, but one of the basic concepts of this theory is that we need people. We need to be in community and have people around us who know us and love us. As missionaries, we need to have people from our sending country that if we had to come back for an emergency, we know we could come back to them and even though they may not totally understand everything, they would want to listen.
Whether or not you can wrap your head around the whole theory, the truth is that Christ put us in a body. He did not call us to be separate individuals living for him. I think in our culture we forget this too easily. We think that my pain is my pain alone. We forget that when we suffer, the whole body suffers (1 Cor. 12:26). Whether the body will suffer with us (allowing others to join in our pain through telling them) or because of us (not dealing with the pain and having it manifest itself in other ways) is our choice.
Can we throw off some of our cultural baggage, can we actually admit that we need one another?

Learning Some More

A new semester is about to begin. Tomorrow I'll start a week-long intensive of class every day from 8-5. I'll then have a week off and then start into the normal routine of classes for the semester. It's sort-of shocking to me that classes are starting up again so quickly.

I'm not quite mentally back in South Carolina. This break felt so good in it's simple, regular routine, especially the time with my kids (in case you had yet to figure that out from my other blog posts). It felt so natural and normal to be back there with them and my friends and family, that coming down here is a little bit of a shock to my system again.

I was talking with Jesus about some of this, complaining really. I do this regularly; I start complaining but don't really want to go deep with him. I just want to gripe. Gripe about what was and what I miss. Gripe about the lack of perfection in my life and what's around me. The awesome thing about Jesus is he can take it, and he's so patient with me. He waits and listens, he draws me out. He takes me past the gripes and then penetrates to my heart and the deeper issues revealing sin, fear and insecurity. I totally love that about him. I love that he doesn't let me stay where I am. I love that I can seek him and he is so willing to be found. I love that he knows me inside out and still delights in me.

I always end those time in utter thanksgiving - thankful for a Savior who loves me so and thankful for all he has yet to teach me.

Kids

Being with "my" kids for the past week and a half has been such a blessing. They have challenged me to talk about the end times, heaven and hell in ways that are honest, loving and age appropriate. They have delighted me in talking about and asking about things that we talked about over the past three years - they still remember the apple analogy for the trinity, have their favorite Bible stories they like to hear, and pray in heart-felt and surprising ways.
But best of all they're kids. We've gotten to go on walks with unicorn pegasuses, dragons and fairies, write a fairy tale, and pretend we're flying. We've had our inside jokes and silly antics. They remind me constantly that it's ok to fail and that EVERYONE makes mistakes. And they love me just for being me.
How thankful I am for them and how God has (and still does) use them.

Happy New Year

The new year feels like a time for a deeply insightful blog post. This past year has been a time when God has been teaching me to follow him step by step: to not know all the details, to not know how things will work out, but to continue to follow him exactly where he leads. That's what I want for next year.  Looking back at last year sort of astounds me: I had some health issues (and am still dealing with some of the ramifications), I left a job (and kids) I love, and moved to a new state to start seminary (not knowing what I would study).
So here I am at the beginning of the new year having no idea what the new year will hold, but knowing God will lead, guide and hold me each step of the way. Knowing that following him is an adventure, one in which he will continue to amaze, astound and grow me. I know God will complete what he has begun in me (Phil. 1:6) and that he can and will do amazing abundantly more then all I could ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20).
Happy of happiest new year to you all - may God continue to work in your hearts and life in amazing and astounding ways.