After going through all the reasons why I do not LIKE to forgive and realize that forgiveness is actually needed, I come to a place of decision - do I choose to forgive, do I ignore it, or do I choose to hold it against the person? I much prefer the ignoring it option. Often, when I'm at the point of realizing I need to forgive the person I think "oh crap, I don't want to forgive!" There are no soft and pretty emotions there. There is pain, hurt, fear and frustration. Yet, there is also an awareness that I must come before God with this.
What does Jesus say? When Peter asked how many times must you forgive, Christ's answer was we need to forgive someone a lot (Matthew 18:21-22).
It's not fun to deal with hurt and it's not fun to deal with forgiveness because we often don't feel like it. This is a situation where I believe that Christ will often require obedience before granting feelings. Does it still hurt? Yes. Is it still painful? Yes. Does it feel like that person is "getting away with it"? Yes. But can we trust God? Can we choose to surrender our will and desire to him?
Whenever the option is before me I know it's more about obedience then anything else. God has revealed my need to forgive (or my sin of unforgiveness) and my choice is to follow him or to disobey.
Often after making the choice to forgive I feel free and released - I feel closer to God and often his peace will well up in my heart. This state does not last indefinitely, but it encourages me, sustains me, and reminds me of God's pleasure in obedience.
Whether or not we feel like forgiving is not truly the issue, whether we can trust God and his word and walk in obedience is the issue we must face.
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