Time Marches On

Impatience seems to be a desired virtue of our generation. There seems to be this desire to get out and DO something as opposed to taking the time to follow Jesus and grow in our relationship with Him. David was anointed king and then had to wait over a decade (much of that time being chased by Saul) before becoming king. Joseph had his dream of his family bowing down to him and then waited over a decade (much of that in prison) before coming to the position which his dream indicated. There are others - Moses and his time in the wilderness, Abraham and Sarah waiting for the promised child, Hannah waiting in prayer for Samuel, Anna and Simeon waiting for the hope of Israel (Christ).
When we get that itch to DO something we must learn how God has worked; looking at these heroes of the faith we can learn a few things - each of them fully sought God where they were, each of them allowed the time of waiting and shaping to teach and grow them (I think this is especially seen in Joseph's time in the prison), and finally each of them was used mightily by God.
When we start thinking of our age, place in life, etc. we must remember that God knows. He knows it all and he wants our all. He wants to use us in ways we never could have imagined (or maybe that we've dreamed of), but he doesn't want to simply use us for ministry - he wants our hearts and souls to be delighted and secure in him so that as we enter into ministry our focus will not be on our accomplishments or status, but on Him.
May we seek to glorify Him where we are, pursue him with our hearts, and follow step by step wherever he leads.

The Results of Five Classes

A sweater. That's the result of all my time in classes. I may need to revaluate my priorities. Hmm.
I have this habit of knitting in class. It started in undergrad when I discovered that classes are long and my fingers are dying for something to do. I also learned that professors do not really like me doing sudoku in class, so I started crocheting. This morphed into knitting when I allowed my friend to teach me to knit and read a pattern.
So this semester I made a sweater.

This was the first sweater I made. Before this it was mostly scarves.

Do you see how much material it is? How awesome is that?!? All that yarn into something so BIG and beautiful.
Knitting can seem intimidating (as can anything new) - but the result is beautiful. And now, I have something tangible to remind me of my second semester at seminary.

Irrelevant Jabber

Two weeks after school is finished (yes, this is a ridiculous way to count time) and I feel like I've barely posted. Probably because I haven't. I think it has something to do with the fact that I don't have school work going on... and thereby, I am not sitting at my computer thinking of ways to avoid school work.
So now I must be more intentional with the time I take to sit down and think up relevant things to say (or maybe things that are not so relevant). But that's ok.
I think this is just one of those times... one of those in between blog posts, because if I don't post now, who knows how long it will be until I get up the guts to post again? And then I'll feel this horrid pressure to have something insanely intelligent and insightful to share. Which I don't right now. It's sort of like one of those phone calls to a friend you haven't talked with in a while and there just hasn't been that much going on recently - you just haven't connected in a while so you aren't really sure what to say.
On a totally random note - I spend some of the afternoon (maybe more time then I should have) watching a new MasterPiece production of Sherlock Holmes which made me EXCEEDINGLY happy (me, the Sherlock Holmes nut... or at least little bit of a nut ). Though it was set in a modern time, it was done BRILLIANTLY. Totally captured the essence of who Sherlock Holmes is and was just well done overall. I enjoyed it much more then the movie.
And that's all from me for tonight :)

Busyness and Trust

I really cannot believe that I came into the summer concerned about boredom and laziness. I mean yes, they are legitimate concerns... but sometimes I wonder how well I really know myself. I've gone through this week keeping busy. Maybe a little too busy. Have I done some random, crazy, fun things? Most definitely. Have I gone overboard in doing nothing? A little.
Have I obsessively poured over material and invested WAY too much on something? Yes. And that place is where I am struggling with. I like to have things "done" and this is something that cannot be "done" with. It is an ongoing process. So I must learn even more to step back from it, appropriately portion the time I am spending on it, and learn so much more to trust God with EVERY aspect of it. To learn that shutting off my brain and resting is a very good thing. Apparently, this is something God knows I need to learn - it is not just with school work where there is a clear "done" time that I need to learn to relax and trust God with things, it is truly with every aspect of my life. Every responsibility He has entrusted me with.

Fellowship or Community?

"Community" seems to be a buzz word in Christian circles. There's this whole sense of building a unified community, deepening community, etc. Entering CIU I questioned what community is, what it looks like, and what it means. Now, I have come to the place where I think I want greater fellowship, not a better community (though with greater, deeper fellowship I think a better community will emerge).
The reason for this is I believe that community is a secular concept describing a group of people who have come together for a common goal. They are united by some way or force. Great. So if you're in seminary - or go to a church group, belong to an interest group, etc. - you're in a community. Period. In seminary it's supposed to feel different because we're all Christians. But I think where we are now and with the wide way the term community can be applied it is not very helpful in describing how Christians should join together - what that should look like or how it should feel.
Fellowship, however, has (in my opinion) more biblical roots (see Acts 2:42). I think the term "fellowship" has gone out of style because so often it was associated with coffee time before or after church where what really happened was gossip, so that doesn't really apply to one's life. That, according to J. I. Packer is anything BUT fellowship. Packer shares his view of fellowship and the blessing it can (and should) be - it is a means of grace whereby one's soul can be refreshed; it is a test of life where one is opening one's heart to another Christian (this is important! Fellowship is not simply being together, it is also the ability to open one's heart to another and share honestly); and it is a gift of God "which has as its motive love to our brothers in Christ as an expression of our love to the Lord and which involves real openness with each other and real reliance on each other - that kind of fellowship comes only as God's gift in and through the Holy Spirit." So in that, it is not self-seeking; it has the good of others in mind!
I feel there is great longing for fellowship and yes, this can happen more in a Christian community. To have true fellowship takes opening our hearts to our brothers and sisters in Christ - being real and vulnerable about what's going on. To do this, one must first be real and vulnerable with God, so that you can then be real and vulnerable with those around you.
My hope and prayer is that our deepen fellowship with God will result in deeper fellowship with one another.

The Summer Begins...

I got done with class work on Friday and realized I had the summer to rest... and then I realized that a lot of my conception of rest has to do with laziness and self-indulgence. Not good. I do not want to destroy my soul over a summer of rest because I do not understand what it means and looks like to rest, so I am praying and thinking through what rest really means (as a side note, what is restful to you?)
I am contemplating what is restful to my soul and glorifying to God.
I am thinking of those things that I have put off for so long that I would like to do - read for fun, spend time writing and catch up with friends, among other things.
1 Corinthians 10:31 is bouncing around my head a little, saying "Therefore, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
Hopefully and prayerfully as I enter this summer with much more time to rest, God will be glorified, he will use it to restore my soul and encourage and bless those I'm around.

My Nerdishness is Showing

I'm done for this semester.. Getting through the week was long, with some aches and pains along the way, but God is faithful. Now I can relax a bit more, rest a bit more and just be a goof.
And start thinking about classes next semester. Yes, my nerdish side is showing. Here goes: so I'm going to do a Faculty Directed Study next semester and I am SOOOOO excited about it!! I'm going to do a class on Ecclesiology (Theology of the Church) because in studying that and being in a seminary has made me think a LOT more about what the church is and how it functions and I just want to learn about it. So normally when I feel that way I go out and get lots of books about something and read up and ask questions. And, well, I'm sort of going to do the same things but it will be for CREDIT. At a GRADUATE level. It's like homeschooling on steroids and it makes me EXCEEDINGLY happy!
So yes, I realize this makes me a bit of a nerd, but I'm really ok with that :)

From Obedience to Joy

Two more days and then I'll be done with the semester. I really can't believe that I have been here a year. My brain is still a mush from all the studying I've been doing, otherwise I'd probably take more time to contemplate all that God has taught me over the past semesters, but the one thing I've really realized this week in thinking and talking about my summer plans and next year is that I know I'm where God wants me. And that makes me very happy.
I was less then thrilled about coming to seminary (especially in the south). When I got the phone call I remember exactly where I was - with "my" kids at their mom's office in DC. I didn't pick up, but I saw the 803 area code and just knew it was CIU calling to tell me I was accepted. I don't remember when I finally listened to the message, but I'm pretty sure I cried when I got it; cried because I knew that meant I would be leaving the kids I had grown to love so much, leaving the church I felt so at home in, and leaving friends who meant the world to me (and still do). Every time someone asked me if I was excited about going to seminary I said "no," which left them looking at me with great confusion.
Yet in and through this all I love how faithful God is. Though I missed (and still do at times) all that was before, God has planted me here. He's brought some amazing friends around me, provided me opportunities to minister and serve, and delighted me in what He's continued to reveal to me about Himself and who He has made me to be.
He is faithful and it's amazing to see Him change my heart from simple, faithful obedience to pure delight in His presence and in being able to see Him work all around Him.
"Trust and obey, for there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey". - John H. Sammis

Active Waiting, Quiet Delight

I was talking to a friend yesterday about waiting. Regardless of where you are in life I feel like you always have something you are waiting for  - God to reveal the next step, a relationship to develop, a child to grow, etc. - but this side of heaven things are not perfect and there is always something to wait for. My friend was talking about some of the "active" things she was doing such as continuing to read, changing eating habits, etc. and I was reminded of my times of waiting and how God used that time to grow me. To teach me to rely on him, to read more and pray more. It is good to be in a time of waiting as you can learn to rely on God and you often have the opportunity to take one area of your life to focus on and grow in it.
As I was thinking more about this, I realized the quiet delight that comes from knowing you are where God wants you. In the waiting time, I am seeking God, but I know that until God shows me the next step I am where he wants me, and he likes being with me here. Not out at the next step. When I have those times and moments where I seem to have more time on my hands and or feel especially confused as to why I am still waiting, I can remember that God gave me that time or kept that thing from me so that I can enjoy Him more and grow to trust Him more dully. He's keeping things from me and keeping me still in His wisdom and love, and that's delightful.
As the waiting continues, as God slows me down or says no to a continued plea, may I ever remember the ways He delights over me and cause my soul to rest content in the fullness of who He is.

Happiness in Prayer

Prayer makes me happy, and saying such often gets some strange looks. When I was in Indonesia I experienced the power of prayer in amazing ways in bringing comfort, freeing me from anxiety and fear, and feeling connected with the body of Christ around the world (specifically, from my friends and family who were praying).
Those are some of the reasons I love to engage in prayer - I know that we do not wage war according to the flesh, but we have divine power (2 Cor. 10:3-5). What a happy thought to know that engaging in prayer can defeat the enemy. Prayer is a great spiritual weapon by which we can advance, (Eph. 6:17-18).
Prayer also allows us to enter in with the work others are doing (Col. 4:3, 12). When others ask for prayer or we engage in prayer on behalf of another, we are aiding them in great ways - ways we cannot and probably will not see on earth. How much better our delight in heaven to see how God worked, how greater our happiness when we see the fulfillment and know that God allowed us to participate in it?
The early church also showed unity in corporate prayer and God demonstrated power through their prayer in shaking the earth (Acts 4:22-31) and then in freeing Peter (Acts 12:5-17). There's something special about corporate prayer that I have grown to love as I feel it unites hearts and gives me the privilege to hear another's heart for before God. Unity grows. Power that would not come alone is called upon. How awesome.
But I think the thing I love most about prayer is the fact that God listens and allows me to bring all my cares before him. It is an intimate and precious thing to enter into a time of prayer with God, a time when the God of the whole universe listens and wants me to unburden my heart to him - when he hears my cries, concerns worries. He wants it all, he hears it all, he can handle it all, and he answers it all (even if not in ways I like). But to know that I have this continual access and this opportunity to come before my Father who cares, what could be more delightful then that?

Grace for my Weakness

I've been struggling this week with my time with Jesus. I've felt really busy and overwhelmed and have let slip what should be the highest priority. I have also believed this inkling lie that slipped into my thoughts. It's said "You don't need more time in the Word. That's weak. You shouldn't need to keep reading it for help. You'll be fine. Just keep going." Thinking about it today I finally realized how absolutely crazy that lie is. But it also made me recognize my pride.
I often feel weak and helpless when I come to God looking to be filled. I feel like I should be bringing more - more energy, more passion, more love. I feel like needing something from God, something so simple like hope, energy, or love are signs of weakness which equates in my mind with being useless.
Thankfully, Paul leaves a great example to follow, saying he will gladly boast in his weakness, for when he is weak then he is strong in Christ (2 Cor. 12:10). So as the weaknesses continue to become blaringly obvious in my life, I will take hope that my God uses weakness and brokenness, and run to him for help; learning to continually humble myself and accept the grace he desires to pour out.