Have you ever gone through seasons when it feels like God is absolutely silent? Where it feels like he answers other people's prayers, but not yours? Or maybe he does answer some prayers, but not the ones that are really heavy on your heart? I've been feeling like that for the past three or so months as I entered this semester and some new and challenging situations. It's been hard to be walking towards marriage with a man I love and treasure and at the same time to be fighting for answers from God that he doesn't seem willing (or ready) to give me.
Today, a friend's very simple email to me convicted me that while I entered into some of these situations willingly (some, not so willingly) in every instance I feel like I have been running hard to find a way out. I have not been seeking to truly learn what God has, to allow my heart to be content, and to bring God glory through it. No, I have been burying my head, gritting my teeth, and running... and that running has lead to deadening silence and a lack of peace.
It can be hard to see, but every season is a gift from God - I often want to return these gifts to God, but that's more of the lack of perspective on my part then anything else. I hope and pray God continues to grow my perspective and increase my understanding of his great and deep love, especially when I am in seasons (and situations) that do not feel like a good "gift" to me.
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