Personality and Change

It's that time of the semester. Everything is coming due, and even with the most Myers-Briggs "J" like aspects of my character I am not prepared and as on top of things as I normally am which throws me into a bit of a tizzy. I feel that has been something of a model for me this semester - learning to let go of being super-prepared and accept the less-prepared status, the more fluid "get things done when I can" aspect. It fights so hard against my personality!
Learning about one's personality can help in understanding why some things may bother me more then you, and why certain ways you do things may drive me crazy. However good it is to learn about one's personality, it is never good to use personality as an excuse. Hence, my "J"ness, though helpful in planning is not meant to be an excuse to freak out when plans do not go as I thought. Neither is my extrovertedness an excuse to suck the life out of everyone around me; solitude is in fact a wonderful thing. Thankfully, God has ordained situations in my life that continually challenge different aspects of my personality.
I am so thankful that God is working on my personality now, reminding me that He is ultimately in control. I have heard that this is learned in a deep way in marriage, but am thankful that God in His great love for me (and for the benefit of my friends) has brought about situations that have challenged me in how I naturally relate to things, caused me to let go of a lot, and to learn to rely on Him so much more.

Reflections on Lack of Facebook

So I'm back on facebook now and have had a bit to contemplate some of what God has taught me.
1. I find other ways to distract myself with facebook. It really doesn't matter that I'm off facebook, procrastination still happens :)
2. God will meet my needs, even when I'm not aware that I have them. Sometimes I forget how good it is for me to be around people - facebook makes it easier to make that happen, or at least to feel like it is happening, but without facebook I got to see God work in special ways to send friends my way (or send me to friends). I felt blessed to be in such a position to see God at work.
3. Moderation is good. Anything can be blown out of proportion without proper moderation and I need to remember this as I'm back on facebook.
Overall, it was good to be off facebook, to have a little more time to think about Lent and realize my need of a Savior just a little bit more.

He is Risen!

And so ends Lent, and the joyous celebration of Easter commences. I love Easter, I love the joy in remembering Christ's conquest, I love that we are to celebrate and I think that is something we Protestant Evangelicals need to learn to do with much more joy and vigor.
In and through the joy of realizing Christ's triumph over sin, his forgiveness of my sin, the reconciliation he has brought between me and God and the hope he offers I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 15:19 which says "If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied." I love this verse because it reminds me that the "craziness" in giving up things for Lent really isn't crazy. It reminds me that the impact of the resurrection is supposed to be impacting my daily life. My life should not look like the world around me, it should look different so that the rest of the world is confused by it; yet in light of eternity I will be secure and quite sane.
The application of Christ's resurrection is essential - without it we are just people who go to a building, sing some songs, and maybe live moral life. Though these things are not bad, they would not lead to a pitiable life. Realizing the fullness of the forgiveness that we have received, realizing the fullness of the power of Christ to conquer all frees us to live radically different lives which are fully surrendered to Christ. A life worth pitying in the world's eyes. That's the kind of life I want to lead.

Encourage One Another

I read through Hebrews the other day and was struck by the "one another" passages, especially the ones related to the encouragement of one another (Heb 3:13). I thought about how in my life I am actively seeking to encourage those around me, and then thought if my encouragement was done out of selfish ambition or vain conceit (Phil. 2:3).
Doing things for others can come naturally for some - a word of encouragement or a display of hospitality - but the end goal of the encouragement is significant. Is it simply to say or show that you have been encouraging or is it to encourage the person on towards Christ?
Some of this ties back to what one of my professors said while he had a group of students over for lunch. At the end of the time he said "I just ask that you open up your house as well." He was clearly not just blessing and encouraging us through the serving of food and opening of his house, but he was seeking to encourage us to be more Christ-like in our own hospitality and loving of one another.
The end goal of becoming more like Christ and encouraging others to be more like Christ should be at the forefront of our minds, actions and hearts especially as we seek to love and serve one another.

Sanctification

The topic of "sanctification" is something that I feel is not really talked about in churches often. I remember the first time I heard of sanctification and its explanation in a small group in college. Justification is what happens when you believe in Christ as Savior - you are set right before God and are seen as having no sin because of the fact that Christ has paid the penalty for all your sinful action and behavior. Sanctification is what should be happening in every Christian's life in that God is still working in your life to remove the sinful actions and behaviors and to grow you more into the image of Christ.
This process of becoming more like Christ is a journey that every follower of Christ must be on for their entire life - a progressive growing in understanding of what it is to be like Christ which results from the inward change of the heart. It usually shows itself in outward behavioral changes at first, but eventually moves to transforming words, thoughts and motives.
Let me say something further - there are different levels people can be at in the sanctification process. I feel like this is un-American to say. It goes against our democratic, everyone-is-equal concept. But though once justified we are all brothers and sisters in Christ with equal standing before God, some people are more mature in their growth and sanctification then others. I think this is important to remember as we are seeking to grow to be more like Christ because it reminds us that there will always be people who are ahead of us we can learn from. It keeps us humble in recognizing that we are not the end product, but it also reminds us that we have something to teach, and we the opportunity to encourage those around us to grow up into faith and maturity in Christ.
In our sanctification, let us be willing to count the cost and to follow where and how God leads.

Consequences and Grace

I set out this semester and decided to take five classes so that I would not be bored and so I would continue in the growth/learning process of ceasing to be a perfectionist. I am disliking the fact that I am learning these things.
Last week was a crazy week for me in terms of school with three significant grades coming out of that week. As I am getting these grades I am struggling to accept the consequences of taking five classes and not being able to put full, perfect effort into each of them while still remembering God's great grace.
I saw the grade  I received for the paper I wrote last week and took a deep breath. I knew I could have done better had I had more time. I felt bad that I had subjected my teacher to the shoddy work. I thought about the impact it would have on my overall grade and realized there was not much I could do about it.
In my mind I want to go back in time and fix the paper, fix the grade, and prove myself a better student. Yet God still loves me. It is not subjective, it is the truth. Regardless of my performance on this paper, God's love and delight in me has not ceased.
That is where I must sit, where I must stay. And in that the growth comes of learning God's delight in the midst of my imperfections.

Grace in Restraint

One of my strange fears in leaning into grace was/is this sort of expectation that I would feel more free to sin - that somehow sin would be more appealing to me and would feel less guilty.
I don't know why some of these fears are there. I think it is in large part because I still do not fully believe so much of the Bible and the truth of the beauty and glory of God and just how good he is; that he is truly more to be desired then any sinful action or behavior.
I have found this blessedly true in one area of my life, in this one small little thing where I tend to go to chocolate for comfort maybe a little more then I should. I probably should not say maybe. I go to chocolate for comfort at times when I should not.
Yet, in realizing I am freely loved in Christ I have also started to realize something precious: that freedom is a freedom to be restrained in those sinful areas. It is a freedom where I am starting to see and treasure God's beauty and grace more and more and so I am able to say no to a sin that was before more appealing.
I hope and pray that the beauty and wonder of God's grace never ceases to amaze me.

Grace in No

A big part of learning of God's grace and delight in me is to learn to see, feel and experience it when he says "no" to me. There's been this issue I've been praying over the past few days and this morning I felt God saying "no" to me. 

Now, I can choose to believe that it's just an over-active imagination. I can choose to try and manipulate the no so it's a "not yet." Or I can accept the no for what it is from God and learn to trust in his grace through it.

Thankfully, I have examples from the past when a "no" has been SUCH a blessed thing. Though that helps, it does not make hearing no for something I want easier. I don't think surrender of one's desires is ever really easy, but knowing God's grace and love for me makes me willing to take the risk and accept that his plans are better than mine.

A Long Week

This week has been crazy in terms of school work (and watching the UCONN Huskies win the NCAA championship). I woke up this morning to write a ten page paper and when my roommate heard that I was doing that she said "Wow, I think this is the first time you've ever worked on an assignment the day it was due!" She's right and I've gotten to learn and grow in God's grace in that.
But something he's done which I haven't expected over the past few weeks which I totally haven't expected, and haven't even really prayed for, is that he's been using other people to shower me with praise and affirmation. The people it has come from have really surprised me as well as the quantity. It's truly God's grace in a beautiful, unexpected way.

Joy

I love it when God spring on me, when there's no real reason to be so joyful, yet I am. It's totally a God thing and simply reminds me of his awesomeness.
Strangely, as I've been desiring to look at and experience God's grace more I had a weekend theology class and we talked about justification - the fact that in Christ, by grace alone we can stand before God. Beautiful. Then today we talked about the Holy Spirit and what he does. It's like God's quiet whispering of "I love you, I'm working. Don't worry."
I have also been contemplating extra hard on my lack of facebook-ness at this time. Griping, really. Starting to be aware of missing events and feeling more disconnected with people. It can be hard, and I gripe very easily. But at class, talking with a friend who asked how it was going, I was able to share how I'd seen God work. I stopped griping for a minute (yes, I acknowledged that it's hard) but I also gave told of how I'd seen God work to drop people I never would have expected into my life to bring comfort. Singing God's praise is always good for the soul.
It also challenged me to get out of my griping state and start more actively pursuing some friends. Good wake up call for me.
Learning to live more fully in God's grace will definitely be a growing process, but I know he will continue to work in me and draw me ever nearer.