I never realized the challenges that going from a fairly independent woman to being in a relationship would involve, yet they become more evident the longer Magnus and I are together. As we've spent time talking and addressed the issue of leave and cleave (Gen. 2:24) I've expressed that I'd have the greater problem cleaving. So true.
I've seen that pop up this week with the realization that I still have the tendency to want to do things for myself. Not that this is bad, but I have failed to allow or invite Magnus to serve me. I've kept that wall up of "I can do this" and that's hindered growth in our relationship.
I'm surprised at the humility that is required in expressing desires - not in a demanding way, but in an inviting way. I'm surprised, also, at his willingness and eagerness to serve me.
I realize that this is often my attitude towards God, as well. I have a sense of "I'm ok, I can do this, I'm capable. It'll be ok." I want to be independent of my need of God. Yet God is waiting for me to ask. He doesn't want to force himself on me, but my pride in thinking I can manage on my own can cause me to miss out simply because I do not turn to him for help.
James 4:2b - "You do not have, because you do not ask." Independent, prideful thinking has no place in relation to God (or in close, intimate relationships). May we learn to live in dependence on God - asking and holding hands open for him to give and take away as he sees fit.
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