Why Seminaries Are Not "The" Answer

I came to seminary to be trained for ministry. One of the things I learned from coming to seminary is that they may not be the best place to train pastors or missionaries. I know, not the "conventional" wisdom of the time, but here's the deal - Jesus didn't model seminary life. Jesus did not tell people to go, sit in a class room, learn all these facts, then go do ministry. Jesus did ministry WITH the people he was training. He integrated it - he taught and did together so he could best teach these disciples.
I think this thought hit me my second semester here, and then it's smoldered ever since. It sprung a research paper and a Faculty Directed Study on ecclesiology (theology of the church). It led to confusion and many questions - how do we do church today? What's wrong with the local congregations that they can't train their own leaders? Where did seminaries (and other parachurch groups) come from and are they even biblical? And why on earth do we think people learning things makes them suitable for ministry?
I came to a few conclusions, but not absolute ones. I've realized that even if God didn't set up parachurch groups (and even if the local congregations should be more involved in some of the work the parachurch groups do), God can still use these parachurch groups. I've realized that we do live in a terribly broken and fallen world, and things won't be perfect... but it's good to dream, to challenge the status quo, to think things through biblically, and to pray. Oh, to pray should be the first thing done when one's heart breaks over the brokenness of the Church!
As for seminaries - I would not blindly recommend them to one considering ministry. I think there are other ways to just as effectively (if not more effectively) train and prepare people for ministry.

The Use of Time

I was talking with Jesus a few days ago about marriage and seasons of life. I've felt that last semester and the beginning of this semester I have spent an insane amount of time with my (now) husband, getting ready for marriage and being married. I'd come to the point of struggling with that - why so much time and attention on my husband (whom I do love dearly and love spending time with)? But I felt I'd been draw away (in a way) from "ministry" - from connecting well with the body of Christ and from loving and serving those around me and using what God had given me for the advancement of the gospel throughout the earth.
Yet, God seemed to be saying to me that I needed this time bonding with my husband. I felt a sense of relief that yes, God did want me to spend a lot of time with my husband and that this is a good thing to do. As I was reading a book on friendship, though, I started to realize part of the why of the matter. The book was speaking of the importance of spending lots of time with a new, potential "best friend" as important foundation for the rest of the friendship. In that, I realized God was granting this to Magnus and I - we got a lot of close, foundational time together so we could "internalize" each other, experience each other as we really are and learn to hold in the love the other has. Later in our marriage we will likely not have the same kind of time, and we will (in a way) go back to this time and remember the sweetness of the bonding and the time, how we felt, and this foundation will help sustain and enrich our marriage in the years to come.
May I continue to learn that every season is a precious gift from God, and that he continues to grow and mature us through them so we may be used for his glory throughout the earth.

God of the Impossible

This verse has been coming to mind over and over this week "But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26). It's come to mind because I feel like I'm facing an "impossible" situation... again.
I feel like they come up frequently in my life - these situations which are nicely described as "difficult" or "challenging." I was also reminded of the Israelites' time in the dessert and approach to the Promised Land - the spies went in and looked at the land and said "This is impossible!" (my version, see Numbers 13). 
Here's what I love - regardless of time, space, situation - we serve a God of the impossible. We serve a God whose impossible love for us allowed Christ to come so we may have a relationship with him.
A God of the impossible who did use those scared Israelites to take the Promised Land (though 40 years later).
A God of the impossible who filled a boy's dream that his parents and brothers would bow down to him... just a few years later then expected (see Genesis 37,42).
So here I am waiting on the God of the impossible and trusting that he will work... even if it's not in the way, time, or manner that I expect.

Perfectionism and Marriage

I keep making the discovery that perfectionism and marriage do not go together. At all. I don't know why this is so hard for me to learn, and re-learn, but it is. I keep hoping, thinking, dreaming, that I will get it "right" - that I won't have to go back, rework things, and try again... but that somehow, magically, the first time it will be done right. And then we'll be in a pattern of doing things "right."
This is not the case, not the case at all.
Yet I still get frustrated. Last night I was talking with Magnus about a few things I was frustrated with and in the middle of the conversation realized my perfectionism was kicking in and that was really why I was so agitated. It's amazing how heavily I lean on desiring to do things "right" or "perfectly" and when it does not come live up to my expectation I feel as if I've failed.
Far from failing, though, God is teaching me, maturing me, and growing me deeply in my relationship with my husband and interactions with him. I am learning, and constantly learning. So hard to remember, but so true.
And I will continue to be learning throughout our married life as God brings new circumstances our way that will continue to challenge, shape and grow us.
May I continue to learn that it is not about doing it "right," but about growing and learning all God has for me through the process.

Spiritual Warfare (Another Thing I learned at Seminary)

For some reason coming to seminary and "spiritual warfare" did not go together in my mind - or at least not to the extent I've felt and experienced it. I don't know why, but I think that I felt that there wouldn't be that much turbulence in that area. I was sadly mistaken.

I noticed it the first year at seminary - there were just times when I would feel really beat down, really oppressed, quite frankly. Sometimes it would go away on its own, but more often it would go away when I talked to someone and asked them to pray, or if I would pray myself (though praying about it myself was not as frequent as asking others for prayer).

My second year it increased - dating Magnus and being the student-body president I think had something to do with it. I learned to identify the warfare more specifically the second year - feeling oppressed, feeling like I could not change my feelings, and then (when prayer came in) feeling a "weight" leave. I also had a friend who was actively teaching and encouraging me to learn to wage warfare on my own - not that others are not vital to my growth, but she wanted me to also learn how to stand by myself (Eph. 6:11-18). I learned to speak my prayers, to rebuke the enemy out loud. It felt crazy and a little scary at first, but I was amazed that when I recognized Christ's lordship and power, the Holy Spirit's indwelling, and commanded the presence to leave that it did! The "weight" would go away and the peace of Christ would come and comfort me.

This third year I am still learning of warfare - I am still being attacked and seeking to identify them earlier so they do not lead to sin. I am learning to identify them in Magnus as well (he's seeking to identify when he's attacked, too). We're seeking to repent and walk in the power of the Spirit on a continual basis. This is hard. It is not a constant victory - I feel I have many setbacks and I feel the devil keeps trying to convince me that I'm not being attacked, that he's not real. So I'm learning to see the subtlety of his deception.

I'm just so thankful that in Christ I'm a conqueror, in Christ I have victory, and in Christ I am secure. In Christ Christians have power over all the evil forces - what sweet assurance and security can be found in Christ.

Degrees of Sin

The other day Magnus and I were talking and I was getting irritated. There is a sin issue that he has, that we're both aware of, and it was just bothering me. I pointed it out (maybe with less humility and grace then I should have) and he responded that I went to the other extreme and that was just as much of a sin. I sighed and still pointed out that his issue was more annoying then mine (real humble and mature, huh?).
Later, I was driving and talking with Jesus about Magnus' issue and not really paying attention to mine, when Jesus reminded me of something really clear - my issue was still sin. I was trying so hard to avoid mine because I felt Magnus' was worse, but was absolutely ignoring my issue (log in my eye).
I feel like this is a frequent, and bad, habit of mine. I like to hold my sins close and say "well, they're not THAT bad" and just move on. But sin is sin - it's still infecting my life, I'm still allowing it to live. I am not being responsible for who I need to be responsible - myself - I am trying to focus on another.
I hope and pray that I continue to take responsibility for my own sin instead of spending time getting annoyed at others'.