Do we make room for prophets?

I was in church today and among other things, the issue of the Body of Christ was addresses along with our giftings - how our giftings are to be used to build up the Body. Yet, as I heard it I questioned the call because I wonder if we make room for prophets, those with discernment, those who are gifted and do not fit the mold.
I will not get into a theological debate over what gifts are still operating, but I seriously question whether or not church leaders are humbly willing to accept those with all the gifts as opposed to those gifts which easily fit the mode and model of "building up the church" - i.e. making people feel better.
Yet, the gift of discernment is given so people can see what is good and true and what is not. Prophecy (often) calls out the sin of the church. Do we really WANT those and recognize the importance of them in building up the Body of Christ?
In most churches, I doubt it. Personally, I know it is hard to receive a rebuke from a friend. I'd rather turn them away and say that they are wrong then to receive what they are saying as life and truth. Yet I have learned that those from the outside - who are outside my system of thinking - tend to see my blind spots, my sin, in much clearer ways then I ever could.
It has taken time (and still takes intentionality) but I am learning to be opening to rebukes and corrections, recognizing that they are of incredibly power in protecting me (and the church) from error and sin that they would otherwise fall into.
Now, do we make room for prophets - those who call out sin - both personally AND corporately?

Independence and Relationship

I never realized the challenges that going from a fairly independent woman to being in a relationship would involve, yet they become more evident the longer Magnus and I are together. As we've spent time talking and addressed the issue of leave and cleave  (Gen. 2:24) I've expressed that I'd have the greater problem cleaving. So true.
I've seen that pop up this week with the realization that I still have the tendency to want to do things for myself. Not that this is bad, but I have failed to allow or invite Magnus to serve me. I've kept that wall up of "I can do this" and that's hindered growth in our relationship.
I'm surprised at the humility that is required in expressing desires - not in a demanding way, but in an inviting way. I'm surprised, also, at his willingness and eagerness to serve me.
I realize that this is often my attitude towards God, as well. I have a sense of "I'm ok, I can do this, I'm capable. It'll be ok." I want to be independent of my need of God. Yet God is waiting for me to ask. He doesn't want to force himself on me, but my pride in thinking I can manage on my own can cause me to miss out simply because I do not turn to him for help.
James 4:2b - "You do not have, because you do not ask." Independent, prideful thinking has no place in relation to God (or in close, intimate relationships). May we learn to live in dependence on God - asking and holding hands open for him to give and take away as he sees fit.

Leaving Room for God

The past week I have started to see God move in my life. Not that he wasn't before, but I just didn't feel or see it. And not that it's in profound ways, I'm just more aware of it.
It's been in the simple things - after drowning myself in school work I'll go for a walk and run into people who need encouragement or who greatly encourage me. Sitting down and spending time in the book of John I find the Holy Spirit opening my eyes anew to who Jesus is and how all the love and compassion he displays there he has towards me. Getting to church a few minutes early on Sunday I found myself drawn into an encouraging conversation with people I had never officially met before.
In all this I have found I have to leave room, leave space to hear and listen to these promptings. Turn off the music and get out of the apartment. Get to church a few minutes early. Diligently spend time in the Word, even if I have a ton of school work to do. Call that friend I've been thinking of. For someone who loves structure (me) it can be hard to leave room to listen and be still. Yet, without leaving this space I will fail to hear God's voice and see him move in my life.

Needy

The past four weeks I've been feeling more needy then I have in a while.

- I've felt a need for the Word - to have truth breathed into my life to be encouraged, built up, edified and convicted.
- I've felt a need for people - to have truth breathed into my life, be encouraged, exhorted and loved on.
- I've felt a need for prayer - a desperate need that some days I simply cannot make it through myself.

All of these things have not been fun for me. I've felt very dependent and not very competent (much pride there?). A good deal of this has bubbled over in frustration to others, especially today. As I was sitting talking with my mentor about my frustration, inadequacies and needs he looked at me and said "That's why we're part of a Body. That demonstrates the Body of Christ when we ask others for help, especially in areas of weakness."
Simple, sweet, beautiful truth. I usually get so bogged down and focused on the need that I forget to see what God is doing around me - that he's reminding me that I am not alone and can't do this alone, and that HE ultimately wants to meet my needs.
It basically hits me with this fact - it's ok to be needy but it's not good to deny one's neediness. Once we recognize the need, God ultimately desires to meet the needs (yet he so often and graciously does it through people). Yet without admitting to the need, I will never even realize that God desires to pour out blessings to meet those needs.
I must be willing to confess my needs, open my hands, and humbly receive what God has to offer.

Tired of Waiting

The past three weeks have been hard - hit by waves of different struggles in various aspects of my life. It hasn't been fun. I sat down and was talking with Jesus about some of it... and getting mad. Quite frankly, I know I'm having a real conversation with God if I get pissed-off; it lets me know that my true feelings are coming out and that I'm being honest, likely sinning, and allowing his grace to encompass me all the same.
I came to the point of telling God I was tired of this frustrating and stressful time and wanted to be done with it, I was just tired of waiting. Period. When I realized what I wrote I just about laughed because I was so focused on the circumstances. I often look at my circumstances and get angry because things don't seem to be going my way. But when I am looking at the circumstances, I am failing to keep my gaze steadily directed at God. Through every situation God is seeking to draw us to himself - secure us in our love, content us in his grace, cause us to realize that whatever else is going on around us he is still God and to be worshiped, adored and revered.
I learned a little about waiting with circumstances I did not like while I was single, but apparently God has more to teach me (well, maybe a LOT more to teach me). Proper perspective - what is needed to persevere through every circumstance in life and to endure the ever-present "waiting" phase.

Pride and Selfishness (Part Two)

The other week I shared some about how God convicted me of pride. Some of the generic (easy to do). Yet, pride is so easy to talk about struggling with it can be annoying to hear someone claim they struggle with it - or maybe I'm alone in that. Regardless, here's some of the ways God revealed pride creeping into my life:

- In my relationship with Magnus. Specifically in regards to picking fights. I was being selfish and self-centered on my needs and not considering him (Phil. 2:3-4)... and then getting annoyed at him for not thinking the same way.

- In my leadership. I was failing to pray and invite God personally into the meetings and was not relying on the Spirit at meetings. I relied on my past experience to carry me through and failed to recognize that God may still want to convict and grow me through my remaining time as a leader.

- In my times with Jesus. Yikes. God slowly drew me back to the Word where he reminded me that it is important to NOT ONLY talk with him daily, but to be in his Word daily. Without truth being breathed into me I start seeing as the world sees. I was proud in heart to believe that I did not need truth.

So those are my areas (for now). I know you have them too. By God's grace He will continue to pursue and convict us, and may we be repentant and sensitive to His Spirit.

The Benefit of Lent

He is risen. Praise the Lord! Today should be the Christian's most joyful day. 

Today was a nice day... but it wasn't the Easter I'm used to. As I've mentioned, the past few years I've observed Lent - I fasted and when Easter came I cut loose. Not fasting this year lessened the anticipation of Easter and took away from the celebration.

This glorious day did not so much feel like the celebration of our risen Savior, but instead a day with family and friends. Not a bad thing, but not Easter in my mind - my heart was not prepared to celebrate.

There is nothing profound here, just my thoughts. Traditions help heighten anticipation and prepare one's heart. Easter should be an amazing focal point and joyful reminder of the freedom Christians have. It should also be the impetus to share the gospel with those who do not know Christ.  Our hearts should be cultivated towards these and if not at Easter, when? and if not through lent, how?

My Sin is Showing - Pride and Selfishness (Part 1)

The past few days God has gently (by his grace) been revealing my pride and selfishness. It started Sunday when I prayed through various sins with a friend and was struck by how many of the aspects of pride I had fallen into. Today, I will simply list them (as gathered from Neil Anderson's pamphlet The Steps to Freedom in Christ) and challenge you to consider and confess. I could see how I had fallen into all of these (more on that later):

- Having a stronger desire to do my will than God's will
- Leaning too much on my own understanding and experience rather than seeking God's guidance through prayer and His Word
- Relying on my own strengths and resources instead of depending on the power of the Holy Spirit
- Being more concerned about controlling others than in developing self-control
- Being too busy doing seemingly important and selfish things rather than seeking and doing God's will
- Having a tendency to think that I have no needs
- Finding it hard to admit when I am wrong
- Being overly concerned about getting the credit I feel I deserve
- Thinking I am more humble, spiritual, religious, or devoted than others
- Being driven to obtain recognition by attaining degrees, titles and positions
- Often feeling that my needs are more important than another person's needs
- Considering myself better than others because of my academic, artistic or athletic abilities and accomplishments
- Having feelings of inferiority appearing as false humility
- Not waiting on God
- Other ways I have thought more highly of myself than I should

Here's a prayer of confession that goes along with it (again, from Neil Anderson's pamphlet):

Lord Jesus, I agree I have been proud by [name each item from above that fit you]. Thank you for your forgiveness. I choose to humble myself before you and others. I choose to place all my confidence in you and not to put confidence in my flesh. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

My Vulnerabilities are Showing

This past week was crazy. Coming back from Spring Break and jumping into "real life" hit me like a ton of bricks. That, and being more fatigued then I expected. The devil had a field day. He hit me in old places - you know those places that you thought you made progress on, thought there was so much victory? So that if they come up again you tend to feel you've made no progress? - well those were the places that were hit.
I was hit with crazy, deep fears. Did you know that contemplating marriage and the blending of two lives means you have to trust God not just with how he will direct you, but how he will work in and direct the other person? Scary - especially when holding hopes and dreams a little too tightly.
I started (irrationally, not trusting God) to feel trapped - like I've felt before, I felt God did not and does not have plans for my wholeness but instead plans for pain and heartache.
I started feeling like a failure - that the work God has called me to this semester (GLC) is not succeeding. This is something that cannot be truly measured but before God in being faithful to his calling.
A friend prayed with my through some of theses fears and pointed out that the devil loves to attack our vulnerabilities - our "chinks" in our armor (especially at times of physical or emotional fatigue). So true.
Today that friend walked me through a time of prayer revealing areas in need of confession (lots of pride) and affirming my standing in Christ.
Praise the Lord for his body (the church), for his constant work in my life, and for not giving me more then I can handle.