This past week was crazy. Coming back from Spring Break and jumping into "real life" hit me like a ton of bricks. That, and being more fatigued then I expected. The devil had a field day. He hit me in old places - you know those places that you thought you made progress on, thought there was so much victory? So that if they come up again you tend to feel you've made no progress? - well those were the places that were hit.
I was hit with crazy, deep fears. Did you know that contemplating marriage and the blending of two lives means you have to trust God not just with how he will direct you, but how he will work in and direct the other person? Scary - especially when holding hopes and dreams a little too tightly.
I started (irrationally, not trusting God) to feel trapped - like I've felt before, I felt God did not and does not have plans for my wholeness but instead plans for pain and heartache.
I started feeling like a failure - that the work God has called me to this semester (GLC) is not succeeding. This is something that cannot be truly measured but before God in being faithful to his calling.
A friend prayed with my through some of theses fears and pointed out that the devil loves to attack our vulnerabilities - our "chinks" in our armor (especially at times of physical or emotional fatigue). So true.
Today that friend walked me through a time of prayer revealing areas in need of confession (lots of pride) and affirming my standing in Christ.
Praise the Lord for his body (the church), for his constant work in my life, and for not giving me more then I can handle.
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