Deadening Silence

Have you ever gone through seasons when it feels like God is absolutely silent? Where it feels like he answers other people's prayers, but not yours? Or maybe he does answer some prayers, but not the ones that are really heavy on your heart? I've been feeling like that for the past three or so months as I entered this semester and some new and challenging situations. It's been hard to be walking towards marriage with a man I love and treasure and at the same time to be fighting for answers from God that he doesn't seem willing (or ready) to give me.
Today, a friend's very simple email to me convicted me that while I entered into some of these situations willingly (some, not so willingly) in every instance I feel like I have been running hard to find a way out. I have not been seeking to truly learn what God has, to allow my heart to be content, and to bring God glory through it. No, I have been burying my head, gritting my teeth, and running... and that running has lead to deadening silence and a lack of peace.
It can be hard to see, but every season is a gift from God - I often want to return these gifts to God, but that's more of the lack of perspective on my part then anything else. I hope and pray God continues to grow my perspective and increase my understanding of his great and deep love, especially when I am in seasons (and situations) that do not feel like a good "gift" to me.

Small Blessings

I tend to overlook the "small" answers to prayer or blessings I receive. The whole "30 days of Thankfulness" on facebook is great - it reminds people to regularly look at what God has blessed one with. Today, for example, was a beautiful day, I got RSVP cards finding out more friends will be celebrating with us (which always makes me smile), and the tiara and necklace I ordered came in.
I was thanking God for these and in the middle was reminded of the prayer he has yet to answer - namely in regards to a job and future stuff for Magnus and I, realizing I still do not have a sense of WHAT to pray for. This annoys and frustrates me. I will easily get my focus off of being thankful and on to my needs.
Yet Jesus, while on earth, gave us a model of what to pray - The Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13). Even when facing the unknown, our Lord has provided us with a manner in which to pray and seek him. So isn't that one more thing to be thankful for in the midst of a struggle?

The Power of Scripture

I have, quite frankly, been continuing to struggle with writing. This has frustrated me as blogging/writing is something I genuinely enjoy doing. Busyness has crept in along with distractions and, quite frankly, sin. I have just felt like my head has been under water and I have nothing relevant to say (not that I do, but often God grants something).

Today, though, I realized part of my problem - I have not been in Scripture (the Bible) as I should. I sat down and just read and soaked in truth. Allowed it to encourage and uplift my heart, allowed it to speak to me and reprove me, allowed it to alter my thinking and bring it in line with truth. In all that, I realized how much I have been studying the Scriptures (a valuable thing), but I had not been engaging in a relationship with Jesus through the Scriptures outside of these studies.

It is amazing how quickly I forget the truths of God's love and care for me, what my love and care for others is to look like, and so many other things when I go away from the Scriptures. I need these reminders. I need the truth constantly in front of me, the Spirit searching me through Scriptures.

May we learn to value, treasure, and be drawn to the wonderful truths of Scripture.

Time with Jesus

Today, while driving I started talking to Jesus. I really enjoy talking with Jesus in the car, actually, there's something about the relative quiet and the fact that driving by myself is simply not my favorite, so talking with Jesus just makes it that much better.
Then I felt a little guilty because I had not spent my normal "quiet time" with Jesus. I struggle with this. I know it is SO important to have time every day where you intentionally carve it out to spend with Jesus, but does it matter where or when it is? Is it worse to have time with Jesus in the car as opposed to in your house in the morning? I'm not sure about that.
What I do know is that no matter where you are, what you're doing, Jesus loves to spend time with you. He wants to hear your heart - good, bad and ugly - and he's ok if you tell him more than once. He wants your praise - I know that sounds selfish, but when you love someone isn't the best reflection how much you talk about the him/her? That's praising Jesus. We also need to allow the Holy Spirit to direct us and not rely simply on our own humanistic understanding.
So no matter where you are (or I am) - in the car, in your house, or in Starbucks - the important thing is to bring your heart to Jesus. Acknowledge his presence, allow the Holy Spirit to move, and continue to praise him with every breath.