I Like/Need to Knit in Class (What I've Learned in Seminary)

I discovered early on in my seminary career that knitting is beneficial to my class time. I had known this about myself in undergrad, but was surprised that this continued to be true in my seminary experience.
Part of what surprised me is due to my faulty expectations, part of it due to a forgetting of my own learning style. I expected each class to so enrapture my heart and attention that I would be hanging on every word. I think I had this belief that the professors would be these "super spiritual" Christians and their every word would be gold. Now to be honest, there are some great professors here who teach in engaging and inventive ways.
But their every word is not gold. Sometimes they even ramble. Sometimes my own personal studies have already prepared me for a class so that it doesn't seem like I'm learning anything new (not to their fault).
So I started knitting. Knitting helps me stay engaged when the professor may ramble or go off on good stories, but those that are unnecessary for testing - if I didn't knit, I'd write these stories down and then study them before a test and overload my brain with what I need to learn, not good. There's something freeing about knitting in that it just helps my hands stay busy so my mind can stay engaged.
So what I've learned is two-fold. The first is that professors are people just like any other Christian; their every word may not be gold (they even make mistakes sometimes!). The second is that I need to be ok with how I learn and not try and be a "good student" who just takes furious notes; it really hurts me in the long run.
The fun (unexpected) first lessons I learned at seminary.

Praying for Others

Yesterday I was getting a little discouraged. I was just feeling tired and worn out. So I went for a walk (thankfully, it was a gorgeous day). As I was walking around the prayer towers at school, I pulled out my prayer cards and started praying over the various people I have written on my handy prayer cards.
It amazed me how quickly it got my focus off myself and feeling connected with others. As I read a name, I remembered a recent conversation or email I had with a person which fueled more prayer. I loved it. It was such a sweet way to feel connected even when I do not see everyone on my prayer list super-frequently.
I think that's one of the beauties of prayer - it connects us. It allows us to have real impact on others who we may not see frequently or are hundreds of miles away. It also forced me to take my eyes off myself and my own trouble and to petition God on behalf of others. Something I have been struggling to make a habit of late. What a blessing and privilege God has granted us in the act of bringing our own (and other's) requests before him.

12 More Weeks

I realized last week that I have very limited time left at seminary, and the purpose of this blog was/is to talk about what I'm learning. It has turned out to be a wonderful processing place for me - sharing how God's shaped and molded me through this time - which has hopefully encouraged some.
Right now I'm in two classes and at the end of this semester I will have just one internship left, and that's it. But no more required courses (I'll hopefully sit in a few more while Magnus is completing his work).
So, I have just 12 more weeks of classes (plus one of Spring Break). To be honest, when this hit me it sort-of freaked me out. I feel like I'm supposed to be done and suddenly "know" what's next. I don't. I'm in my first two months of marriage and really trying to get my feet under me in that, so this whole graduation thing doesn't seem like that big a deal, yet at the same time I really want this degree and graduation to matter!
I know God will work - I know he will continue to guide Magnus and my path in His well thought out and planned way (that surprises and frustrates me). I know he will continue to provide for us, I know he will continue to remind me of his love and grace and teach me each step of the way.
But a season is about to end, a change is about to occur. And while that is exciting, there is a bit of godly mourning that needs to take place as I process and prefer to move forward.

Manna

I was talking with a friend yesterday and the concept of the Israelites came up... specifically, how often we feel like we can relate to the Israelites in the ease of complaining about situations. I mean, we read in the Bible how often they complained, but I don't think we sit down and think about the frequency of our complaints and how easy it is for us to stop trusting God.
Especially when God answers prayers. You see, the Israelites needed food, they prayed to God and asked, and he gave them manna (meaning - what is it?). They were happy (for a short while) and then began to grumble. My question - how much "manna" do I have in my life? Things I've prayed for... and then grumble about?
On the amazing list of things prayed for is Magnus (my husband), Magnus' new job (yay!), where we are living, being in seminary and so much more... yet how often do I start grumbling away at these things instead of continuing to remember these are kind blessings from the Lord?
More then I would like to admit. May my heart continue to learn to praise Jesus instead of grumble at the "what is it"s that I pray for.

Learning Curve

I feel like I've been on a steep learning curve since getting married. The problem is, I'm a perfectionist. I don't like learning. I like having learned something, and now being able to master it. I feel like so much of what I "knew" about our relationship has been changed, and so much more needs to be re-navigated as living together is different then being engaged primarily because no one can go home.

It's harder having this day-in-day-out relationship. And, as I mentioned, being a perfectionist I tend to look at what I do wrong instead of God's grace.

But God is so gracious because he's given us time in this learning curve - time to be together and time to make mistakes (a lot more then I would care to admit). He's constantly drawing us to himself, bringing truth and forgiveness to situations, and just teaching and growing us.

Yes, this is a steep learning curve, but it is good. It is good to get to know Magnus in a deeper and more intimate way. It is good to experience grace and forgiveness on a daily basis. And it is good to have my perfectionist tendency chiseled away at. 

No matter how I may dislike the learning process, it will be one I am in for the rest of my life and I need to learn to humbly submit my all to him and rest in His grace all the more.

A Growing Faith

I went to the "Wives Fellowship" at our school for the first time as a married lady. It was interesting to realize that this now aptly descripes who I am.
During it, they asked us to share with one another what first attracted us to our husbands. I paused and thought - I knew I was going to marry Magnus before I was attracted to him, so it was a good reminder for me of what actually drew me to him.
What drew me to him was his faith. I remember sitting and listening to him talk about his struggle about whether or not to continue pursuing ordination in a certain denomination and feeling that, as he didn't agree with it, he shouldn't be pursuing it anymore. My heart jumped as he was talking like that, and I realized I could follow a man like that.
While dating I also saw him struggle through giving up an MDiv and dropping to pursuing a MA as he felt God leading. I absolutely admire this about Magnus.
This past month we have been wrestling through another faith/obedience decision, and yesterday Magnus took a step and gave up an aspect of security that was very challenging for him. In the past month I realized how hard it is for him to struggle through these decisions, but I love and admire him for making the decision, choosing to walk forward, and learning to trust God all the more to provide for our needs.
My hope and prayer is that together we will continue to learn to live lives of faith and obedience, and that I would continue to learn to be a true blessing and encouragement to Magnus as we seek to honor and serve God together.

Balancing Differences

I married an introvert. I am an extrovert. This requires a learning curve (to say the least). We've been trying to process some of this and learn how to balance our time together. Magnus has been great in letting me know when he needs "introvert time" and I am learning to not sap ALL his energy by staying connected with friends.
Yet, I'm definitely still learning. A lot.
Last Sunday was evidence of this. Magnus was preaching in the evening and came home exhausted. I was struggling with something and wanted to talk... and talk and talk. I just needed to process. I tried to hold my tongue and let  him recover... but I kept bursting into conversation and then getting irritated by his response (or lack there of).
I finally went into the bedroom to regain composure - frustrated that this man could not die to himself and listen for a little bit longer. That's when God brought Philippians 2:3-4 to mind, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others. Each of you should look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others" (my memorized version).
I was being selfish in asking/wanting him to talk more. My "pressing" needs could wait. I must love him and consider his needs and learn unselfishness. Yikes. At that moment, I feel I got a taste of what this thing called marriage is really all about, and how it will truly change me.
My personality can never be an excuse for selfishness - everything must be submitted to Christ and done out of love.