Sorrowful yet Rejoicing

I firmly believe that Americans, or at least myself, still do not have a good grip on the concept of "sorrowful yet always rejoicing "(2 Cor. 6:10a). I was reminded of this during my time up in DC because, well, I was in a way very much home.

I was back on my "turf" at my church, surrounded by a bunch of my friends, my old job, etc. Magnus got to see it all... but after he left I realized clearly that I really liked my single life, and while I love Magnus and feel called to marry him, I am going to miss my old life. Granted, I've been in South Carolina for the past two years, but a new realization that I would never be able to go back to my old life hit.

Let me say that it is hard to be engaged and at the same time have this tug and desire for the old, but I think it's very much part of the mourning process. Though I am rejoicing for what God has done in my relationship with Magnus and what he will continue to do... I am sorrowful over fully surrendering what I had. I'm mourning, in a way.

So "sorrowful yet always rejoicing" hit new meaning to me this past week - while great and joyful things can be happening in one's life, it is still ok to look back at what God has done and mourn over no longer having what was.

Make any sort of sense there? I don't think it's talked about much in the engagement/marriage process, but it's there - your life will never be the same. Mourn and rejoice.