Not My Work

I'm blogging in class. Not sure I should really admit that, but there it is.
In the midst of this class I am thinking through the details of World Christian Week and am excited about it. I'm mostly excited because being on the planning committee I know the great things we have planned, but  I also know the areas that are weak and where we just don't know how it will turn out. And that's exciting because it makes way for God to work in ways we cannot imagine or expect.
That's the thrilling thing about being a Christian and following God where he is leading, acting upon what God has shown you to do: He will ultimately work in ways that we cannot imagine in and through us. God is going to do something through World Christian Week NOT because of our work and effort in preparing, but because he is God. He will definitely use our preparation and the things planned, but those events of themselves are nothing - it is God working in and through them that will produce a great result.
I am so thankful that it is not my efforts, but that it is God's working in and through people (and events) that brings the result.

No Pain, No Gain

I love the fact that I have an athletic background, I find that as Paul used the analogy of an athlete (2 Tim 2:5), there are many lessons I learned through swimming that apply to my walk with Christ. One of which is the old saying "no pain, no gain."
I don't know when I truly realized what this means, but it hit me one swim practice that to get good, I mean really good, I had to work my butt off every practice, leaving my all in the pool and dealing with the pain that entails... only to do the same the next day. It wasn't a one-time thing. It was a daily practice of exerting myself to the max. I remember the first practice I did that over winter break, and I definitely remember the results the following spring as my times dropped substantially and I qualified for better meets.
Recently I have been thinking through the personal pain that sin brings and the willingness to look and deal with it. Even though in my swimming days I was willing to deal with the pain a practice caused I knew when it would be over, I knew I could slack if I wanted; it was my choice. I didn't love the pain, but I knew it would bring something good. Dealing with sin is painful and it can be a little more scary as the certainty of the end point is not there. God is the one to be trusted in walking you through it. But the results - the fruit of the Spirit, increased intimacy with God - are so worth it. I have jumped into some areas of growth recently forgetting that there would be pain... and subsequently getting a little mad at God for it. I forget very easily that the pain this has caused me is not bad pain; there is an aspect in this pain that God is training, growing and strengthening me through this. And if it's worth it to put in the work for something as fleeting as a sport, how much more so for having the reality of a closer relationship with God and a deeper and greater intimacy with Him.

Accomplishing What?

The days are starting to slip past me. World Christian Week is next week and there are all of those random last minute details that pop up.
In and through it, I've really enjoyed the time and haven't minded how busy it has made me. I think part of that is the fact that after the week I will be able to take a deep breath, look back and say "Wow, look at that!" There will be proof of the work that I have put in, proof of accomplishment.
I compare this with last semester - when I didn't do as much, did not have as much visible accomplishment and pause. It is so easy to get wrapped up in a sense that doing things is more important and valuable then all else. But doing things does not determine our worth and value. Yes, there are biblical records of the many things the saints of old did, but there are countless years that are not told of where apparently these saints did not do much; where they were in a time or season of waiting or resting.
The American mindset emphasizes accomplishment; it emphasizes having proof of one's worth. Yet, even in the seasons of busyness may we not forget our seasons of waiting and may we not forget that it is ultimately God who determines our worth and value - whether we are "accomplishing" things or not.

Tithe or Give?

I finished my taxes yesterday, yay! AND I'm getting a refund. As a friend said, "isn't nice to be so poor you just get all your money back?" Yes, yes it is.
When I realized I was getting money back my first thought was "Do I need to tithe this money?" I felt a little guilty, thinking I probably should in some sort, but a little irritated because, well, it's my money.
The idea quickly fell out of my mind as other, more pressing things pushed their way in.
Later, I had a very different thought as I was finishing up my taxes, it was, "Wow, I can give some of this away." It made me contemplate my view of money and God's provision. Because really, I have a choice with my money. I can view it as mine and feel that I "have" to tithe to be a "good Christian" or I can constantly hold it to God with open hands and realize that he's allowing some of it to fall back into my hands and out of thankfulness I can freely give.
Without a job, it's so much easier to hold onto every penny, but really it's all his. He has obviously provided for me thus far and he will continue to. I have trusted him and can continue to trust him to provide, and he's trusting me with this.
So hey, I can give some of this money away.

Planning ahead...

This is probably one of my down-falls in that I try to over plan things and anticipate disaster, failing to allow God to work in and through the situation. But in this case, I'm really ok with it.
Because even though it's a few weeks ahead, I'm planning for Lent, which in turn leads to preparing the heart for Easter. This will only be my third observance of Lent. In the past two years I have enjoyed taking some intentional time to think of Christ and the sacrifice he made in dying on the cross for my sins.
The past two years I have given up various food items. I'm not quite sure if I will do any specific fast in that way, but I have decided on something else to give up: facebook. I never really thought I would, but coming to seminary I have been surprised by the frequency with which I use facebook and the strange way it creeps into my day and homework time.
So it will go, but it will be replaced. Joshuaproject.net will replace my random facebook wanderings. Now, instead of stalking various friends I can learn more about the unreached and be motivated to pray for them - that they may know the power of the cross.
As there is still time before Lent, I encourage everyone to consider ways to prepare your heart for Easter through the lenten time.

When All Else Fails: Grace

I am frequently struck by the depths of my sinfulness. At times like this I love having friends around me who cry out "Grace!" It is such a blessing to be surrounded with people who so clearly understand that it's not about me, it's not about them, it's about God... and his lavish grace.
When we remember God as our loving heavenly Father, when we look to him and not to our circumstances or surrounding, then we will see his beauty and his grace. Then we will realize that our failures, mistakes and sins are nothing in comparison to him... and there we will realize that gazing at ourselves and our failures causes us to take our eyes off of his beauty and grace.
May we seek Christ first, may we seek to live and enjoy his beauty, may we seek to become more like him day by day, and may we accept God's grace and extend it to those around us readily and freely.

Uncomfortable Love

Over the years God has challenged my perception of love via his Word, friends and books.
One important thing I have learned is that love is not about me or how I feel. Hollywood portrays love as this thing that's supposed to make you feel wonderful all the time... but true love is hard. It means really considering others' needs, serving them, and thinking of them before yourself.
But one of the things I think that hit me hardest was realizing loving someone well means accepting them fully as they are and not trying to force them to meet some need you may have within yourself. People are made up differently. Different people have different capacities for friendship; some people won't want to have a deep friendship that you desire, some people may not be capable of it. There may be people who just have a habit that absolutely drives you crazy. But to love, to truly love others, means accepting them as they are, knowing what your limits are and learning to recognize their limits... and then freely loving them as they are. It isn't easy. It means realizing that a person may not respond as you wish when you unburden your heart. It means allowing someone you had been friends with, or had wanted to be better friends with, to go because they just don't want it.
It doesn't mean despising the person, treating them unkindly, or avoiding them. It means accepting them fully as they are - including what they can and cannot give. To love others well (to love them freely), you must love them out of a place of security in your relationship with God and from a place of stability with relationships with others. Something we all can learn and grow in... I know I am.

Misperception (Part 2)

How often do we misinterpret other's actions? I think this is more commonly visible overseas. We'll get into a situation that we don't know and someone will do something totally outside our comfort zone and we may completely miss what just happened... or we may react in the absolute worst way possible and make a total ass (yes, I did just use that word) out of ourselves. The example that pops to mind the quickest for me is when I was in Indonesia and was meeting up with a girl. Upon seeing her and her outstretched hands I thought she was going in for a hug... but no, just a handshake. Moments of awkwardness ensued.
In the day to day world, I think we probably go about with more misperceptions of people around us then we realize. We view the world through our own lens with past hurts and pains shading our views. We project onto others our own ideas and thoughts... and we often respond to other's innocent remarks negatively because we interpret them through our hurt.
Humility is called for - a desire to truly know the heart of a person; a desire to see each person as a person instead of as part of a group attached with a stigma. A recognition of our own hurt is also helpful, as then we will realize when an innocent remark is truly just an innocent remark and we can seek to grow and heal in areas that cause us to have misperceptions.
May we grow in the grace and humility of Christ and being willing to look at our misperceptions of others.

Misperception

True story: A few years ago while I was working as a nanny in the DC area I started going to a Bible study at a nearby church. I would then go out to dinner with the people afterwards where we would often engage in various theological discussions. At one of these dinners the topic of the tension between the desire to relax and enjoy the things of this world versus the importance of ministry came up. I had recently heard a John Piper sermon where he talked about the pilgrim/indigenous principle, so I endeavored to explain it. After I was done, I had apparently done a better job then expected as the man who had posed the question responded, "Wow, you're really articulate for a nanny." The table was silent for a moment to see if he could get his foot out of his mouth... and then I burst out laughing.
I have been in situations where the misperceptions were not so funny... where  quite frankly they stung. Those comments from someone who has missed your heart and attributed a bad motive. Yeah, there are some done out of total ignorance that can be ignored, but the ones that sting... wow, they sting.
When someone hits you with a comment that misses, I think you have some choices...
1. You can acknowledge the hurt (whether intentional or unintentional). We are not made of stone and sometimes the words said by those around us have a greater impact then we realize.
2. You can see if it hit personal insecurities - sometimes they do. Sometimes they hit an issue where we don't feel confident and wish we portrayed a character trait better. In that case, we have the chance to repent - we can turn and look at God's view of us and find rest, security and hope in the truth of his word.
3.  You can forgive the person - yeah, it may have stung, but God calls us to forgive. And for no other reason then that, we should.

Rest and Trust

I have been reminded over the past few weeks how deeply intwined in my mind rest and trust are. To rest, to take time to specifically not do school work and spend time with Jesus implies the following:

One, I am not God. It is not necessary for me to be busy all the time because the world will continue without me. Not only that, but I cannot function without a certain amount of sleep and down time, again revealing my own non-deity. There is much more that could be said here like I am not all-powerful, as wise as I think, etc. but it ultimately boils down to God being God and the fact that I am not and I must trust him as God to work out everything around me without my input at every turn.

Two, God is most important. Even more important then grades, ministry, friends or whatever else calls to me. Setting time aside to spend time with Jesus shows my value of him as most precious in my life, even if that involves the lack of completion of another task. God must be the most important as to remove him from that place will make whatever else I'm doing (including ministry) into an idol. Not good.

Wait

My smitten-ness with Andrew Murray is continuing, largely due to the fact that I am reading him daily. In his book, Waiting on God, he has gotten to the point of calling for corporate waiting. This affronts several of my sensibilities.
One is that in the American culture and mindset to spend time as a group waiting seems absurd, insane, and quite frankly a waste of time. Can you imagine going to a ministry meeting and being told "Today we are going to wait together on God"? Discomfort would reign; I can just imagine praying quietly for five or so minutes before someone said "Umm, we have work to do" and then hearing some shuffling and movement towards getting things done.
Can you imagine being at a chapel or church service and being told the same and expected to sit quietly or pray in groups waiting for God to move and speak?  People would get antsy; I do not think people would even last five minutes before someone asked for a song to be played.
The fact that this is so obviously counter-cultural and a challenging concept as a group points to one important fact: as Christians and as leaders we must learn the value of waiting on God in our own lives. If we are to lead others, we must be willing to lead by demonstration and know the value of waiting in our own lives. It is not so much our concepts and ideas that will captivate and lead people; it is the very essence of our lives. If we believe we are too busy to wait on God, to pray, to read our Bibles, to learn, how can we expect to lead others to do the same?
While waiting is counter-cultural, time-consuming, and trust inducing it is essential in living a life pleasing to God. Though it may affront one's sensibilities, waiting for God to answer our prayers and direct our paths will produce joy and will give us the courage to lead others in waiting on God.

An Ordinary Post

The past few days I have begun and then deleted more posts then I care to admit. I've gotten finicky with my writing and content. I think I'm looking for something profound, earth-shattering and frankly amazing and it's just not coming to me.
I am walking through ordinary days, going about my ordinary business, and at some point I feel like there is nothing exciting to say. Which is ok... if I don't blog about it. But at some point, with a blog, there is this simple need to write in one's blog.
In my ordinary days God has continued to work. He has convicted me of sin, reminded me of the preciousness of spending time with him and of the joy of friendship. What makes me smile in and through this is that no matter what state I am in, no matter how I feel or what's going on around me, he is still at work, and still at work in me. He could let my ordinary days pass me by. He could let me forget him, he could let me sink into myself, yet he chooses to work in my life. He chooses to dispense his love and grace.
Though I walk through some ordinary days, they are never truly ordinary for I serve an extraordinary God.