In Process

My sophomore year of college I was hit with a serious depression. It hit quick, about a month into my fall semester, and really took me by surprise. In about a week I could identify the common depression symptoms - change of appetite, inability to concentrate, change in sleeping habits, loss of interest in activities I normally enjoy, and thoughts of harming myself. Not fun.
I didn't get it, my freshman year had been a time of great deepening in my personal relationship with Christ - I had learned what it meant to live in reliance on the Spirit, gotten really connected in ministry, spent the summer serving at a Young Life camp; my sophomore year I had started memorizing Philippians, was leading a small group, looking forward to being more involved on campus, yet was suddenly seriously depressed. Why would God bring me to this opportunity to serve in my life and yet seem to stop me?

I had to withdraw from school that semester and go home to deal with the issues and recover.
It took about a year of counseling and meds to be able to feel like I was out of the cloud of depression. In that time I seriously questioned God's goodness - why would he allow me those opportunities to serve and then stop me? Why had he taken away so many other things I perceived as good? My joy in the Lord was gone, God felt silent and distant. I was hurting and confused.
Yet God worked through His. I had a group of friends I could pray with and who allowed me to be real - frustrated, honest, mad and vulnerable. I had an amazing counselor who challenged me to look at lies I was believing - lies about my need to earn God's (and other's) approval; lies that said I needed to perform to be accepted. She challenged the shame I lived under and urged me to hold onto God's truth. I was able to stay connected with my church, serve, go to a Bible study, and slowly heal. God was working all around to bring healing.
I still question God from time to time (thankfully, he's big enough to handle it). I've also been back for counseling since then, when I see some of those ugly symptoms raise there head. I'm not perfect, not done, simply in process. Thankfully, God fully accepts me as I am and is rejoicing over me as I walk in obedience where he has leads me - his patience is amazing.