On Womanhood, the church, and the Bible (Seminary - Part 2)

God brought me (single) to seminary. I remember the first two semesters that this whole concept of women in ministry was bubbling underneath my soul. God continued to grow and reveal various gifts he had given me – leadership, administration, teaching – these seemed like gifts the whole body could use, but why (still) the restrictions? My first year I was also face-to-face with my insecurities in the issue – me, lead? Me, dare to use this for the WHOLE body of Christ? Dare to call myself a leader? Dare to dream that God has something more in store for me then “just” to be married and help my husband in ministry?

I was so excited as the opportunity to serve as president for the student body came up – so excited to use and grow in the gifts God had given me. I started to learn contentment as a single woman – I realized that God’s value and worth of me has nothing to do with a man, that he can and WILL use me and the gifts he has given me without a husband to “serve alongside” in ministry. I felt confident and courageous – the “how” of working it all out didn’t seem to matter as much.

(Side note – imagine that mindset and meeting and dating my future husband? There were several moments of frustration between me and God as I asked him why I really needed a husband).

My second year felt like such a sweet spot – meeting my husband, serving in a leadership capacity, having a leadership class with a male egalitarian professor, and meeting with a godly, feisty older woman who challenged my thinking on leadership and complementarianism. “Egalitarian” no longer was a dirty, “unbiblical” word.

I felt God was providing safety and continually reminding me “Be who I made you to be!” It was sweet and precious. I felt supported. The practicality of everything disappeared and the fear melted. If God could use me there, he could provide another place and time to continue to use me.

*A note about my husband – I was (and am) continually shocked and blessed by his support and encouragement to me to be who I am. To be bold, courageous, challenging, and a leader (though he still does lead me). It is so freeing having a husband who views and treats me as a capable equal.