The Benefit of Lent

He is risen. Praise the Lord! Today should be the Christian's most joyful day. 

Today was a nice day... but it wasn't the Easter I'm used to. As I've mentioned, the past few years I've observed Lent - I fasted and when Easter came I cut loose. Not fasting this year lessened the anticipation of Easter and took away from the celebration.

This glorious day did not so much feel like the celebration of our risen Savior, but instead a day with family and friends. Not a bad thing, but not Easter in my mind - my heart was not prepared to celebrate.

There is nothing profound here, just my thoughts. Traditions help heighten anticipation and prepare one's heart. Easter should be an amazing focal point and joyful reminder of the freedom Christians have. It should also be the impetus to share the gospel with those who do not know Christ.  Our hearts should be cultivated towards these and if not at Easter, when? and if not through lent, how?

My Sin is Showing - Pride and Selfishness (Part 1)

The past few days God has gently (by his grace) been revealing my pride and selfishness. It started Sunday when I prayed through various sins with a friend and was struck by how many of the aspects of pride I had fallen into. Today, I will simply list them (as gathered from Neil Anderson's pamphlet The Steps to Freedom in Christ) and challenge you to consider and confess. I could see how I had fallen into all of these (more on that later):

- Having a stronger desire to do my will than God's will
- Leaning too much on my own understanding and experience rather than seeking God's guidance through prayer and His Word
- Relying on my own strengths and resources instead of depending on the power of the Holy Spirit
- Being more concerned about controlling others than in developing self-control
- Being too busy doing seemingly important and selfish things rather than seeking and doing God's will
- Having a tendency to think that I have no needs
- Finding it hard to admit when I am wrong
- Being overly concerned about getting the credit I feel I deserve
- Thinking I am more humble, spiritual, religious, or devoted than others
- Being driven to obtain recognition by attaining degrees, titles and positions
- Often feeling that my needs are more important than another person's needs
- Considering myself better than others because of my academic, artistic or athletic abilities and accomplishments
- Having feelings of inferiority appearing as false humility
- Not waiting on God
- Other ways I have thought more highly of myself than I should

Here's a prayer of confession that goes along with it (again, from Neil Anderson's pamphlet):

Lord Jesus, I agree I have been proud by [name each item from above that fit you]. Thank you for your forgiveness. I choose to humble myself before you and others. I choose to place all my confidence in you and not to put confidence in my flesh. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

My Vulnerabilities are Showing

This past week was crazy. Coming back from Spring Break and jumping into "real life" hit me like a ton of bricks. That, and being more fatigued then I expected. The devil had a field day. He hit me in old places - you know those places that you thought you made progress on, thought there was so much victory? So that if they come up again you tend to feel you've made no progress? - well those were the places that were hit.
I was hit with crazy, deep fears. Did you know that contemplating marriage and the blending of two lives means you have to trust God not just with how he will direct you, but how he will work in and direct the other person? Scary - especially when holding hopes and dreams a little too tightly.
I started (irrationally, not trusting God) to feel trapped - like I've felt before, I felt God did not and does not have plans for my wholeness but instead plans for pain and heartache.
I started feeling like a failure - that the work God has called me to this semester (GLC) is not succeeding. This is something that cannot be truly measured but before God in being faithful to his calling.
A friend prayed with my through some of theses fears and pointed out that the devil loves to attack our vulnerabilities - our "chinks" in our armor (especially at times of physical or emotional fatigue). So true.
Today that friend walked me through a time of prayer revealing areas in need of confession (lots of pride) and affirming my standing in Christ.
Praise the Lord for his body (the church), for his constant work in my life, and for not giving me more then I can handle.

The Need of Rest

This week I came back from Spring Break and as people asked how it went I answered - good balance of rest and work.
Apparently, I did not rest as well as I thought because this week as I started classes I found myself quickly exhausted. Not fun. Also not fun because I've realized so clearly that when you are tired you are much more susceptible to spiritual attack, discouragement and more. Again, not fun.
So I've come back to the point of recognizing one's physical health and sanity is important - it's not just about the spiritual and emotional.
God cares about every aspect of your life - a good lesson to learn (and relearn) now.

Preparing to Pray

I am preparing to preach in a few weeks on Daniel's prayer in Daniel 9 and am amazed by it. No wonder it was answered AS he was still praying (Daniel 9:20-21). Wouldn't we love that? I mean, God can still act in the same way he did with Daniel, though I don't know what I'd do if an angel came in response to my prayers. Honestly, I don't think I pray specifically and as humbly as Daniel to warrant an angel coming.

Regardless, here are two insights from Daniel in his preparation for prayer:
- Daniel prayed informed prayers. Daniel searched out Scripture (Dan. 9:2) so as to know the time the Lord appointed. Do we? I feel we so often will go into a situation - pray for a church, leaders, unreached people group, etc. - and expect to have impact with little knowledge and vague "God bless them" or "God, heal that person." We need to know what we're praying about and seek God's will so we are praying in accords with it into a situation. Need to know God's will? Search Scripture - see how God acted in similar situations or seek out the truth of the promises he proclaims.
- Daniel entered seriously - he fasted as well as prayed (Dan. 9:3). When's the last time you cared to receive an answer that you actually fasted? I have to say this personally resonates with me in that this past summer I was finally at the place of longing for a husband that I spent time fasting for him - for some other things as well, but definitely for my future husband. As I look back I simply am shocked at how quickly God answered that time of fasting and prayer. If you are really craving an answer, do you crave that answer more than food? Do you crave God's presence more than food? I don't know how or why, but I know that when we get serious about a prayer to the point of being willing to give up food this stirs God.

I hope these provide blessing and encouragement as we journey deeper with the Lord and learn to pray in line with God's will.

On Conflict

Magnus and I fight. Or you could say "experience conflict." In the early days of our relationship this freaked me out. How would things work if we were in conflict this much? And occasionally my concern went to - will things actually be resolved? This was frustrating considering I had, in the back of my mind, the thought that God told me he was the one.
These are some of the things I learned through the process (and hold onto when we fight now):
- Conflict (or fights) are not bad. They bring up issues that needed to be talked about. We would talk about them instead of avoid them and while it was frustrating, it was good to be honest.
- Different people have differing amounts of conflict. When stressed about how much conflict we were having, one friend shared this insight - "He's fiery, you're passionate; you're likely to have more then the 'average' amount of conflict." But that's part of what I love about him, so why should it concern me so much?
- Resolving conflict is key, but it may not take one go. We fought about/discussed the same issue more then once. Thankfully, there was a series on marriage going on at my church at the time where the pastor confessed to the the fact that it would take him and his wife a few times talking about something before it was fully resolved. It gave me freedom to continue a discussion - not pick a dead issue, but to say "We missed something" and talk about it a little more.
- Timing matters. I picked some bad times to start discussions that led to conflict. I'm still learning this. It's a hard balance because when I want to talk about something it feels SO urgent to me, but I need more grace in learning to hold back and love him well and wait until there is a good time for BOTH of us.
- Humility is essential. Honestly, I think Magnus demonstrates this a lot more in our conflicts then I do. He's patient with me, willing to listen, and more than willing to admit when he's wrong.
All these have helped me trust God and Magnus more as conflict comes up - I know he's brought us together and I know the Holy Spirit is at work in Magnus to convict him (as well as myself) in areas where growth is needed.

Insight Into A Class (and a challenge)

I am in classes here at seminary (well, technically on Spring Break) and there is some learning going on. Some. I've been studying this week for a midterm (which I took earlier today) and one of the questions was on the concept of general and special canonical revelation. General revelation is the fact that God has revealed himself through creation and man's conscience (Romans 1:19-20, 32, 2:14-15). Special canonical revelation is the fact that God speaks to humans in their language to reveal aspects of His will, especially regarding salvation (Acts 4:12, 2 Tim. 3:15).
What really got me was the fact that there is not a third category, which I think there should be. Special revelation was focused on salvation and left a question in my mind - what about dreams people have that lead them to pursue salvation? What about the fact that God still speaks to Christians today to reveal his will (as he did with me in regards to Magnus)?
I wonder if there needs to be a third category of "special revelation" that states that yes, God still speaks to his followers to reveal his will - yes, this needs to be tested against Scripture, but when we neglect it don't we miss out on the depth of relationship Christ wishes to have with us?
Just my challenge to the status quo. God's actively involved in our lives and the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow - so why do we make less room for him and expect less involvement then he had in the days of Scripture?