Tithe or Give?

I finished my taxes yesterday, yay! AND I'm getting a refund. As a friend said, "isn't nice to be so poor you just get all your money back?" Yes, yes it is.
When I realized I was getting money back my first thought was "Do I need to tithe this money?" I felt a little guilty, thinking I probably should in some sort, but a little irritated because, well, it's my money.
The idea quickly fell out of my mind as other, more pressing things pushed their way in.
Later, I had a very different thought as I was finishing up my taxes, it was, "Wow, I can give some of this away." It made me contemplate my view of money and God's provision. Because really, I have a choice with my money. I can view it as mine and feel that I "have" to tithe to be a "good Christian" or I can constantly hold it to God with open hands and realize that he's allowing some of it to fall back into my hands and out of thankfulness I can freely give.
Without a job, it's so much easier to hold onto every penny, but really it's all his. He has obviously provided for me thus far and he will continue to. I have trusted him and can continue to trust him to provide, and he's trusting me with this.
So hey, I can give some of this money away.

Planning ahead...

This is probably one of my down-falls in that I try to over plan things and anticipate disaster, failing to allow God to work in and through the situation. But in this case, I'm really ok with it.
Because even though it's a few weeks ahead, I'm planning for Lent, which in turn leads to preparing the heart for Easter. This will only be my third observance of Lent. In the past two years I have enjoyed taking some intentional time to think of Christ and the sacrifice he made in dying on the cross for my sins.
The past two years I have given up various food items. I'm not quite sure if I will do any specific fast in that way, but I have decided on something else to give up: facebook. I never really thought I would, but coming to seminary I have been surprised by the frequency with which I use facebook and the strange way it creeps into my day and homework time.
So it will go, but it will be replaced. Joshuaproject.net will replace my random facebook wanderings. Now, instead of stalking various friends I can learn more about the unreached and be motivated to pray for them - that they may know the power of the cross.
As there is still time before Lent, I encourage everyone to consider ways to prepare your heart for Easter through the lenten time.

When All Else Fails: Grace

I am frequently struck by the depths of my sinfulness. At times like this I love having friends around me who cry out "Grace!" It is such a blessing to be surrounded with people who so clearly understand that it's not about me, it's not about them, it's about God... and his lavish grace.
When we remember God as our loving heavenly Father, when we look to him and not to our circumstances or surrounding, then we will see his beauty and his grace. Then we will realize that our failures, mistakes and sins are nothing in comparison to him... and there we will realize that gazing at ourselves and our failures causes us to take our eyes off of his beauty and grace.
May we seek Christ first, may we seek to live and enjoy his beauty, may we seek to become more like him day by day, and may we accept God's grace and extend it to those around us readily and freely.

Uncomfortable Love

Over the years God has challenged my perception of love via his Word, friends and books.
One important thing I have learned is that love is not about me or how I feel. Hollywood portrays love as this thing that's supposed to make you feel wonderful all the time... but true love is hard. It means really considering others' needs, serving them, and thinking of them before yourself.
But one of the things I think that hit me hardest was realizing loving someone well means accepting them fully as they are and not trying to force them to meet some need you may have within yourself. People are made up differently. Different people have different capacities for friendship; some people won't want to have a deep friendship that you desire, some people may not be capable of it. There may be people who just have a habit that absolutely drives you crazy. But to love, to truly love others, means accepting them as they are, knowing what your limits are and learning to recognize their limits... and then freely loving them as they are. It isn't easy. It means realizing that a person may not respond as you wish when you unburden your heart. It means allowing someone you had been friends with, or had wanted to be better friends with, to go because they just don't want it.
It doesn't mean despising the person, treating them unkindly, or avoiding them. It means accepting them fully as they are - including what they can and cannot give. To love others well (to love them freely), you must love them out of a place of security in your relationship with God and from a place of stability with relationships with others. Something we all can learn and grow in... I know I am.

Misperception (Part 2)

How often do we misinterpret other's actions? I think this is more commonly visible overseas. We'll get into a situation that we don't know and someone will do something totally outside our comfort zone and we may completely miss what just happened... or we may react in the absolute worst way possible and make a total ass (yes, I did just use that word) out of ourselves. The example that pops to mind the quickest for me is when I was in Indonesia and was meeting up with a girl. Upon seeing her and her outstretched hands I thought she was going in for a hug... but no, just a handshake. Moments of awkwardness ensued.
In the day to day world, I think we probably go about with more misperceptions of people around us then we realize. We view the world through our own lens with past hurts and pains shading our views. We project onto others our own ideas and thoughts... and we often respond to other's innocent remarks negatively because we interpret them through our hurt.
Humility is called for - a desire to truly know the heart of a person; a desire to see each person as a person instead of as part of a group attached with a stigma. A recognition of our own hurt is also helpful, as then we will realize when an innocent remark is truly just an innocent remark and we can seek to grow and heal in areas that cause us to have misperceptions.
May we grow in the grace and humility of Christ and being willing to look at our misperceptions of others.

Misperception

True story: A few years ago while I was working as a nanny in the DC area I started going to a Bible study at a nearby church. I would then go out to dinner with the people afterwards where we would often engage in various theological discussions. At one of these dinners the topic of the tension between the desire to relax and enjoy the things of this world versus the importance of ministry came up. I had recently heard a John Piper sermon where he talked about the pilgrim/indigenous principle, so I endeavored to explain it. After I was done, I had apparently done a better job then expected as the man who had posed the question responded, "Wow, you're really articulate for a nanny." The table was silent for a moment to see if he could get his foot out of his mouth... and then I burst out laughing.
I have been in situations where the misperceptions were not so funny... where  quite frankly they stung. Those comments from someone who has missed your heart and attributed a bad motive. Yeah, there are some done out of total ignorance that can be ignored, but the ones that sting... wow, they sting.
When someone hits you with a comment that misses, I think you have some choices...
1. You can acknowledge the hurt (whether intentional or unintentional). We are not made of stone and sometimes the words said by those around us have a greater impact then we realize.
2. You can see if it hit personal insecurities - sometimes they do. Sometimes they hit an issue where we don't feel confident and wish we portrayed a character trait better. In that case, we have the chance to repent - we can turn and look at God's view of us and find rest, security and hope in the truth of his word.
3.  You can forgive the person - yeah, it may have stung, but God calls us to forgive. And for no other reason then that, we should.

Rest and Trust

I have been reminded over the past few weeks how deeply intwined in my mind rest and trust are. To rest, to take time to specifically not do school work and spend time with Jesus implies the following:

One, I am not God. It is not necessary for me to be busy all the time because the world will continue without me. Not only that, but I cannot function without a certain amount of sleep and down time, again revealing my own non-deity. There is much more that could be said here like I am not all-powerful, as wise as I think, etc. but it ultimately boils down to God being God and the fact that I am not and I must trust him as God to work out everything around me without my input at every turn.

Two, God is most important. Even more important then grades, ministry, friends or whatever else calls to me. Setting time aside to spend time with Jesus shows my value of him as most precious in my life, even if that involves the lack of completion of another task. God must be the most important as to remove him from that place will make whatever else I'm doing (including ministry) into an idol. Not good.