Last week while with Matthew and Sarah I made a rather large mistake. Matthew had somehow fanagled me into a game of chess and half way through I stopped (quit). Immediately after stopping and putting it away I apologized. I knew that regardless my frustration I should have finished. I'm just not the biggest fan of chess and it becomes even less fun when a 9 year old creams you.
Though this was a small example of failure (in chess and in failing to complete the game) it nags at me as a reminder of how much I hate to fail. Yes, hate. My stomach churns, heart drops and I get angsty when failure seems imminent. To the normal, non-perfectionist, ok with failing person this has got to seem crazy. But to me it is something that God has to do (and has done) a huge number on because, quite frankly, most of life is full of various opportunities to fail. If I do not learn how to look them in the eye and take the risk of failure, the chance to succeed will never present itself.
Besides, my worth, hope and value need to be firmly planted in God - not in how well I do at something (anything); so failure is a good reminder for me to cease from my own efforts and rely on God as my all-in-all, identity and worth.
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