A large part of that was in regards to my health, my ear really. My eardrum ruptured over the honeymoon and it did not fully heal on the way back. A doctor at a minute clinic told me I had a piece of cotton stuck in it. That irritated me, but I knew I had used a q-tip so thought that maybe it had gotten stuck. A nurse from our church tried to get it out; she tried real hard but it just did not work.
The doctor at school looked at it, said he had an instrument at home that could get it out, but since he didn't bring it, that piece of cotton would have to stay. So, I was sent to an ear, nose, and throat specialist.
Upon arriving, the doctor informed me it was a form of fungus, NOT a piece of cotton, that was in my ear.
I know that's a long story, but here's the deal: through it ALL I kept asking God why he couldn't allow this to be fixed a simpler way then a specialist. I asked why he couldn't have prompted that doctor to bring the tool. Why wasn't God working on my timetable, that was my real problem.
After seeing the solution, I realized God was gently guiding me towards what I really needed - removal of a damaging substance in my ear. I did not need the quick and simple, but some deep and intentional work done.
It's the same with my heart. I so often am just longing for God to move at my speed, at my pace, in my way. I do not want to wait to see the real problem or the real solution. I want my answers NOW.
But that's not how God works - he has the whole picture in view. He knows everything and he knows what I really need, not just what I think I need.
May I be ever mindful to hold my plans in surrender before him and trust his leading and guiding, even if it takes longer then I would like.
This is so right on the nose Rachel. Thanks for writing this and making an extremely good point. We should talk again soon. (I propose making these chats more frequent!)
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