Swirling and Swirling

This week has had a bump. It took me by surprise and dug up some old fears and uncertainties. I ended up questioning a lot and asking God why. The silly thing was it was nothing major - just God using the circumstances around me to challenge me to trust him and to grow in my relationship with him. Yet I still didn't want it and argued with God over it and used the situation to avoid him.

Then, he drew me to himself. I sat down with a sigh and some fear to begin to pray. And he reminded me he loves me, he reminded me he cares. I don't need to be afraid of him. I know this may sound silly to you (or maybe not) but most of the time when I am avoiding God it is out of fear. Fear that he'll disapprove and shake his head at me, that he'll disapprove of my actions or attitude, that he'll remind of what a far way I have to go to be close to him. But whenever that happens and I just go to him, he always reminds me of his love and grace. He always welcomes me with open hands and beckons me to come and sit with him, to bask in his delight in me and remind me that he sings over me (Zep. 3:17). 

That's the truth of the matter, the truth I quickly forget. The truth that it does not matter what I do, what I've done, where I've been. It's the same truth that saved me: He loves me. He wants to have a relationship with me. He's paid the price to have that relationship. I just must recognize my sinfulness and need and come to him humble, empty and broken. He will delight to shower his grace on me, to call and make me his own, and fill me to the fullest with his love and grace.