Needing More Grace

I do poorly accepting God's grace. Let's just say this is a theme in my life. I struggle to work at and earn God's love and approval. When I fail (aka sin) I feel a terrible, terrible distance from him. I feel as if my world will fall apart until I can do enough, be good enough so that he will again love and accept me.

This past week I messed up - "sinned" would be the theological term. I beat myself up and have desperately tried to make accounts with God and the person I hurt. But today, while I was in church it hit me - I need God's grace. 

I know this is so simple and so basic, but I need to come back to this repeatedly. Regardless of how I've grown in my relationship with God, it is never, EVER about what I do or how "good" I am. It is truly and fully about him and the outflow of his grace. He pours it out so abundantly and is so willing to forgive, so why do I seek to make things right? 

I must surrender my belief in my own goodness, realize that I am and will always be in need of his grace and accept from him all he has to offer at every stage of my life and walk. Only then will I be able to allow his grace to pour out of my life onto others. It will never be about me.