I got to Maryland today and was ready to rest, unwind and relax. Yet something was bugging me in the back of my head - mainly, my "to do" list. I had not written it down and I wanted to be able to see everything I planned to do. Once I wrote it down, though, it didn't help. I realized I had too many people to see and work to do to do it all AND get some rest.
This is a theme with me; I over-schedule myself. I lean towards not feeling of worth unless I am busy. PLUS, I really don't like saying no to people and or activities.
I find it amusing, though, to see that I simply expect a change of circumstances to change the heart and core of who I am. I thought that getting away from CIU would slow me down. Nope. I feel this is normal - we try to change things around us to slow down, stop a bad habit (sin), etc. when often the change of circumstance more clearly exposes one's sin. I've heard this is especially true in marriage - so for all singles who think marriage will fix that something, it won't. It'll only more clearly expose it.
I have no hope but to come before God with this all through prayer to ask him for grace and courage to say no - no to others and no to myself. To repent of the belief that I can do it all, and to accept the limits he has in place - including the need for rest.
As I see God for who he is and accept the reality of who I am (and my limits) maybe then I can have a restful and joyful break... and Spring semester.
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