Thankful for Family

This will be a little bit of a risky post because my family mostly (if not only) reads this. You see, families are challenging. I don't just mean my family specifically, but every family (in some big or small way).

Part of the huge challenge I've discovered is that I tend to regress when I go back to my family. I go back home and spend time with family and it is so easy for past hurt, pain and heartache to be stirred up. It's not even done intentionally, but sometimes there's just that trigger and I'm launched into the past without even realizing it - overreacting to things and blowing things out of proportion.

My tendency mostly with my family is to be a coward and to be insecure. Not that blogging helps the second AT ALL; I just feed it and assume that people who may be somewhat interested will actually read it. Ha.

Anyways, my cowardice mostly manifests itself in wanting to make people around me happy and pacified. Those who do not know me within my family may be surprised at this, but with my family I just don't want the conflict. Period. It takes guts for me to say what's really on my mine and to speak the truth... and then the heart-ache of the matter is I usually do it so harshly that it is not heard or received. I swing from one extreme to another.

The other issue, that of insecurity (which I dislike that term, but it seems so understandable) is nothing short of unbelief in God's truth. I cease to believe God's truth about who I am and who he has made me to be. I cease to believe that he loves me beyond my understanding and start to seek praise and approval from those around me. I get prideful and self-centered, seeking others approval; I brag about what I've done well and feel I talk about myself a lot. I'm yearning for some approval that I think will make me feel better, but will truly never satisfy because it's based on people and not on God.

Why am I saying all this? Because family is hard for everyone, regardless of how wonderful your family is.  God created the family with a purpose and a function - to teach us about sin and himself. And whatever states our families are in, they always challenge us to grow. They always reveal those sins that are anchored deep down, that we may not notice or reveal to friends, so they remind us of our imperfections, and of God's amazing grace.

That's why families are challenging, but that's why they are so good and such a blessing. They force us to recognize our sinfulness and to rely on God's grace and powerful in deeper and deeper ways.