On Womanhood, the church, and the Bible (Final Semester - Part 3)

Now – this final semester these old issues have come up. Part of it, I believe is that I’m in a Pastoral Epistles class so, of course, we have to deal with the issue of women in the church. I just finished writing a paper on the roles and responsibilities of women as seen in 1 & 2 Timothy and Titus. I am also facing this reality – the evangelical American church can be a challenging place for a woman to find her place, especially if she feels called into the ministry.  I have been frustrated, and my heart has continued to hurt over the matter… and I’ve been seeking to sort through it biblically. I have some thoughts jotted down, but nothing is set yet. I have a feeling that it will continue to be a process.

My first question to those who hold to a complementarian mindset is this – if the church is to be the household of God (1 Timothy 3:15), where are all the mothers? In the leadership of complementarian churches, the mother's role is often lacking. This feels "off." I feel like I can't quite place my finger on it, but one of my friends made the astute observation that if we are to truly "complement" the men, where is the space for us to do that?

My second question to complementarians is this – is it really biblical to deny women from being pastors? This has more to do with looking at gifts (Ephesians 4:11-12, Romans 12:4-8, 1 Cor. 12:28), functions, and office (1 Timothy 3:1-34, Titus 1:5-9). God gifts people how he wills – nowhere in the gifts section does it restrain certain gifts to certain people. The answer may come that the pastor is to be an elder (what complementarians view as a biblical restriction to the office), but my question would be – is the job requiring it, or your wording of the job (biblical or cultural)? Is there a problem with having a women “Spiritual Formations” pastor, missions pastor, family pastor, executive pastor, etc. provided it wasn’t worded that they function as an elder (and that she would have proper authority over her)? 

These are just some of what I've been grappling through with the complementarian perspective and wondering how much one's culture shapes and dictates our expression of our theology.

On Womanhood, the church, and the Bible (Seminary - Part 2)

God brought me (single) to seminary. I remember the first two semesters that this whole concept of women in ministry was bubbling underneath my soul. God continued to grow and reveal various gifts he had given me – leadership, administration, teaching – these seemed like gifts the whole body could use, but why (still) the restrictions? My first year I was also face-to-face with my insecurities in the issue – me, lead? Me, dare to use this for the WHOLE body of Christ? Dare to call myself a leader? Dare to dream that God has something more in store for me then “just” to be married and help my husband in ministry?

I was so excited as the opportunity to serve as president for the student body came up – so excited to use and grow in the gifts God had given me. I started to learn contentment as a single woman – I realized that God’s value and worth of me has nothing to do with a man, that he can and WILL use me and the gifts he has given me without a husband to “serve alongside” in ministry. I felt confident and courageous – the “how” of working it all out didn’t seem to matter as much.

(Side note – imagine that mindset and meeting and dating my future husband? There were several moments of frustration between me and God as I asked him why I really needed a husband).

My second year felt like such a sweet spot – meeting my husband, serving in a leadership capacity, having a leadership class with a male egalitarian professor, and meeting with a godly, feisty older woman who challenged my thinking on leadership and complementarianism. “Egalitarian” no longer was a dirty, “unbiblical” word.

I felt God was providing safety and continually reminding me “Be who I made you to be!” It was sweet and precious. I felt supported. The practicality of everything disappeared and the fear melted. If God could use me there, he could provide another place and time to continue to use me.

*A note about my husband – I was (and am) continually shocked and blessed by his support and encouragement to me to be who I am. To be bold, courageous, challenging, and a leader (though he still does lead me). It is so freeing having a husband who views and treats me as a capable equal.

On Womanhood, the church, and the Bible (Part 1 – Background)

~~~~~This will be a four-part series (at least) dealing with some of the issues I've face as a woman contemplating ministry~~~~~

I grew up in complementarian churches, meaning I could not imagine a women being a pastor, much less an elder of a church. In fact, I remember thinking how “unbiblical” it would be for a woman to hold one of those positions. In high school the church I was going to had a women’s minister/counselor and a female children’s director. I thought this was really neat as there were practical things women could do in the church on staff. I struggled with this desire to serve in ministry, and tried to fit it into what I saw and experienced which was, frankly, quite narrow.

My notion of women’s role within the church was quite staunchly complementarian – we were to support our husbands and join in the ministry they were doing... right? This would need to happen in the realm of marriage, of course. But then something happened. I got out of college and was still single. I wanted to serve God, but I didn't have a husband to join with. Now what?

After spending some time overseas I saw that the possibilities there seemed larger for a women – there wasn’t really a role for “elder” and women seemed to do a lot more without being “unbiblical.” This drew me to some extent – there was greater need and greater ability to serve (even single!).

A lot of this mindset stayed with me as I entered seminary. I struggled with this “biblical” concept of womanhood and how it was to look, and what it was to mean to me, a woman. One of the biggest struggles I continue to face is that it is emotional – it tears me apart as I so desire to stay true to Scripture, yet how is that going to look as a woman? Especially (when I entered seminary), as a single woman? What was I supposed to study? What was my ministry going to look like as I am a woman? And why did this feel like more of a struggle then the men were facing?

And so, the journey (and struggle) would continue within seminary...

Why Seminaries Are Not "The" Answer

I came to seminary to be trained for ministry. One of the things I learned from coming to seminary is that they may not be the best place to train pastors or missionaries. I know, not the "conventional" wisdom of the time, but here's the deal - Jesus didn't model seminary life. Jesus did not tell people to go, sit in a class room, learn all these facts, then go do ministry. Jesus did ministry WITH the people he was training. He integrated it - he taught and did together so he could best teach these disciples.
I think this thought hit me my second semester here, and then it's smoldered ever since. It sprung a research paper and a Faculty Directed Study on ecclesiology (theology of the church). It led to confusion and many questions - how do we do church today? What's wrong with the local congregations that they can't train their own leaders? Where did seminaries (and other parachurch groups) come from and are they even biblical? And why on earth do we think people learning things makes them suitable for ministry?
I came to a few conclusions, but not absolute ones. I've realized that even if God didn't set up parachurch groups (and even if the local congregations should be more involved in some of the work the parachurch groups do), God can still use these parachurch groups. I've realized that we do live in a terribly broken and fallen world, and things won't be perfect... but it's good to dream, to challenge the status quo, to think things through biblically, and to pray. Oh, to pray should be the first thing done when one's heart breaks over the brokenness of the Church!
As for seminaries - I would not blindly recommend them to one considering ministry. I think there are other ways to just as effectively (if not more effectively) train and prepare people for ministry.

The Use of Time

I was talking with Jesus a few days ago about marriage and seasons of life. I've felt that last semester and the beginning of this semester I have spent an insane amount of time with my (now) husband, getting ready for marriage and being married. I'd come to the point of struggling with that - why so much time and attention on my husband (whom I do love dearly and love spending time with)? But I felt I'd been draw away (in a way) from "ministry" - from connecting well with the body of Christ and from loving and serving those around me and using what God had given me for the advancement of the gospel throughout the earth.
Yet, God seemed to be saying to me that I needed this time bonding with my husband. I felt a sense of relief that yes, God did want me to spend a lot of time with my husband and that this is a good thing to do. As I was reading a book on friendship, though, I started to realize part of the why of the matter. The book was speaking of the importance of spending lots of time with a new, potential "best friend" as important foundation for the rest of the friendship. In that, I realized God was granting this to Magnus and I - we got a lot of close, foundational time together so we could "internalize" each other, experience each other as we really are and learn to hold in the love the other has. Later in our marriage we will likely not have the same kind of time, and we will (in a way) go back to this time and remember the sweetness of the bonding and the time, how we felt, and this foundation will help sustain and enrich our marriage in the years to come.
May I continue to learn that every season is a precious gift from God, and that he continues to grow and mature us through them so we may be used for his glory throughout the earth.

God of the Impossible

This verse has been coming to mind over and over this week "But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26). It's come to mind because I feel like I'm facing an "impossible" situation... again.
I feel like they come up frequently in my life - these situations which are nicely described as "difficult" or "challenging." I was also reminded of the Israelites' time in the dessert and approach to the Promised Land - the spies went in and looked at the land and said "This is impossible!" (my version, see Numbers 13). 
Here's what I love - regardless of time, space, situation - we serve a God of the impossible. We serve a God whose impossible love for us allowed Christ to come so we may have a relationship with him.
A God of the impossible who did use those scared Israelites to take the Promised Land (though 40 years later).
A God of the impossible who filled a boy's dream that his parents and brothers would bow down to him... just a few years later then expected (see Genesis 37,42).
So here I am waiting on the God of the impossible and trusting that he will work... even if it's not in the way, time, or manner that I expect.

Perfectionism and Marriage

I keep making the discovery that perfectionism and marriage do not go together. At all. I don't know why this is so hard for me to learn, and re-learn, but it is. I keep hoping, thinking, dreaming, that I will get it "right" - that I won't have to go back, rework things, and try again... but that somehow, magically, the first time it will be done right. And then we'll be in a pattern of doing things "right."
This is not the case, not the case at all.
Yet I still get frustrated. Last night I was talking with Magnus about a few things I was frustrated with and in the middle of the conversation realized my perfectionism was kicking in and that was really why I was so agitated. It's amazing how heavily I lean on desiring to do things "right" or "perfectly" and when it does not come live up to my expectation I feel as if I've failed.
Far from failing, though, God is teaching me, maturing me, and growing me deeply in my relationship with my husband and interactions with him. I am learning, and constantly learning. So hard to remember, but so true.
And I will continue to be learning throughout our married life as God brings new circumstances our way that will continue to challenge, shape and grow us.
May I continue to learn that it is not about doing it "right," but about growing and learning all God has for me through the process.