I remember my freshman year of college as a student at a school in Dallas, living on campus and learning to navigate all these social settings that I had little previous experience.
That being the case, it was not uncommon (especially in my first semester) to find myself at the cafeteria with no friends around. I would often grab a book or my Bible so I would feel less awkward. One of those meals by myself has stuck in my head to this day. I was reading over James was blown away by James 5:16. I spent an hour contemplating and meditating on the nuances of "Confess your sins one to another and pray for each other that you may be healed" (my memorized version). I was struck by the fact that there is something in the confession and the prayers of another that can bring healing.
That verse has proved pivotal in shaping my prayer life - of holding prayers for others seriously, but also of being bold in asking others to pray for me when I'm struggling with sin. I have constantly experienced the impact of that verse as upon a confession to another, knowing they are praying for me and receiving their prayer releases provides release from the sin or struggle.
I have been amazed at how that verse has blessed me over the years. It is an amazing reminder of the value of spending time digging through Scripture; whether the study is for yourself or another, Scripture can transform the heart and mind and leave a lasting impact.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Chess and Failure
Last week while with Matthew and Sarah I made a rather large mistake. Matthew had somehow fanagled me into a game of chess and half way through I stopped (quit). Immediately after stopping and putting it away I apologized. I knew that regardless my frustration I should have finished. I'm just not the biggest fan of chess and it becomes even less fun when a 9 year old creams you.
Though this was a small example of failure (in chess and in failing to complete the game) it nags at me as a reminder of how much I hate to fail. Yes, hate. My stomach churns, heart drops and I get angsty when failure seems imminent. To the normal, non-perfectionist, ok with failing person this has got to seem crazy. But to me it is something that God has to do (and has done) a huge number on because, quite frankly, most of life is full of various opportunities to fail. If I do not learn how to look them in the eye and take the risk of failure, the chance to succeed will never present itself.
Besides, my worth, hope and value need to be firmly planted in God - not in how well I do at something (anything); so failure is a good reminder for me to cease from my own efforts and rely on God as my all-in-all, identity and worth.
Though this was a small example of failure (in chess and in failing to complete the game) it nags at me as a reminder of how much I hate to fail. Yes, hate. My stomach churns, heart drops and I get angsty when failure seems imminent. To the normal, non-perfectionist, ok with failing person this has got to seem crazy. But to me it is something that God has to do (and has done) a huge number on because, quite frankly, most of life is full of various opportunities to fail. If I do not learn how to look them in the eye and take the risk of failure, the chance to succeed will never present itself.
Besides, my worth, hope and value need to be firmly planted in God - not in how well I do at something (anything); so failure is a good reminder for me to cease from my own efforts and rely on God as my all-in-all, identity and worth.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Rainfall
Today it rained; it was wonderful. The temperature dropped from 90 degrees to 83 degrees in 40 or so minutes, making the outside world a delightful place to be. Sweet change.
Yesterday, I felt like I had my own rainfall. Sunday morning I woke up and felt a bit "blah" which continued through the day. I let my head and heart get focused on the negative and nothing was quite shaking it. Then in the twinkling of an eye it changed.
The change was due to a conversation I had with a friend and in the middle of the conversation something I said hit. There was silence, then a few tears. At that moment I realized that it had nothing to do with what I said - God moved.
And he used me. That's what got me so excited. God used me in this person's life. I had no right to expect to be used, no claim on it, and he could have used someone else, but he caused it to be me and I was blessed by it. The discouraged, inward looking faded away and joy started bubbling up. It's continued today.
What a beautiful change that can sweep in such a short time.
Yesterday, I felt like I had my own rainfall. Sunday morning I woke up and felt a bit "blah" which continued through the day. I let my head and heart get focused on the negative and nothing was quite shaking it. Then in the twinkling of an eye it changed.
The change was due to a conversation I had with a friend and in the middle of the conversation something I said hit. There was silence, then a few tears. At that moment I realized that it had nothing to do with what I said - God moved.
And he used me. That's what got me so excited. God used me in this person's life. I had no right to expect to be used, no claim on it, and he could have used someone else, but he caused it to be me and I was blessed by it. The discouraged, inward looking faded away and joy started bubbling up. It's continued today.
What a beautiful change that can sweep in such a short time.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Long Haul
This week flew past me. I was so excited to have some God moments in the week - some definite ways that He showed up, especially in regards to a long term prayer.
I easily, and quickly forget that this life is not about the hear and now; not about this momentary satisfaction. I think I let myself sink into that a bit when pain creeps up and I am tempted to look inwards, be incredibly self-pitying, and forget that this momentary pain will pass.
Thinking long-term is hard. It requires more then what feels good now. It requires thinking and seeing the big picture and then walking forward step-by-step in faith.
Ultimately, I feel like it requires a profound trust in God - in His goodness and in His wisdom. More often then not he doesn't work in the timing we want which can frustrate our self-centeredness. What I love to see and hear, though, is the times when I see Him working in prayers prayed years ago, in things done that seemed like they didn't matter, and suddenly they do.
Simple faithfulness is what is really needed; obedience in the here and now (wherever that is, however that looks) which can produce such amazing results in the years to come.
I easily, and quickly forget that this life is not about the hear and now; not about this momentary satisfaction. I think I let myself sink into that a bit when pain creeps up and I am tempted to look inwards, be incredibly self-pitying, and forget that this momentary pain will pass.
Thinking long-term is hard. It requires more then what feels good now. It requires thinking and seeing the big picture and then walking forward step-by-step in faith.
Ultimately, I feel like it requires a profound trust in God - in His goodness and in His wisdom. More often then not he doesn't work in the timing we want which can frustrate our self-centeredness. What I love to see and hear, though, is the times when I see Him working in prayers prayed years ago, in things done that seemed like they didn't matter, and suddenly they do.
Simple faithfulness is what is really needed; obedience in the here and now (wherever that is, however that looks) which can produce such amazing results in the years to come.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Different Plans
I do not begin to understand how God works. I mean, I think I do but then I get thrown a curve ball.
This week is a week I get to spend with "my" kids all day. I was so looking forward to it - especially bringing them to the beach for a night. Well, my back started really acting up and so I made the hard decision to cancel the overnight. I was sad, they were sad. I was just a little miffed and struggling, but knew I made the right decision.
So today, instead of waking up with the kids then driving back in the afternoon I woke up in my own bed and drove to work.
At work my boss engaged me in an hour long discussion on God and Jesus. It was awesome. I have had few conversations like that with her, but never where I got to talk so fully about my reliance on the Bible as my absolute authority and how that shapes my views. Her questions were real and honest, and God let me have a part. My answers were far from complete, but I know God can use them.
It's sort of cool to see how God can work through every situation and use these change of plans to allow me to speak the truth of His word to someone I really did not expect to get to share that much with.
It reminds me that everything is in His hands - the good and hard - and He will use it all.
This week is a week I get to spend with "my" kids all day. I was so looking forward to it - especially bringing them to the beach for a night. Well, my back started really acting up and so I made the hard decision to cancel the overnight. I was sad, they were sad. I was just a little miffed and struggling, but knew I made the right decision.
So today, instead of waking up with the kids then driving back in the afternoon I woke up in my own bed and drove to work.
At work my boss engaged me in an hour long discussion on God and Jesus. It was awesome. I have had few conversations like that with her, but never where I got to talk so fully about my reliance on the Bible as my absolute authority and how that shapes my views. Her questions were real and honest, and God let me have a part. My answers were far from complete, but I know God can use them.
It's sort of cool to see how God can work through every situation and use these change of plans to allow me to speak the truth of His word to someone I really did not expect to get to share that much with.
It reminds me that everything is in His hands - the good and hard - and He will use it all.
Monday, July 18, 2011
A Day in The Life
This week I'm back with Sarah and Matthew and the week started out delightful. I really love doing this, just those wonderful little things that you have the time to do with kids.
We went to the mall and checked out the American Girl Doll store. Yes, there's a two-story store for the American Girl Dolls in Tyson's Mall. It was awesome. Sarah spent about 45 minutes trying to figure out what to get.
We then went to the Lego store where Matthew spent about 15 minutes (if that) picking out some toys.
Then onto the frozen yogurt shop in the mall where they both got to experience their first time doing the whole self-serve frozen yogurt thing. Wonderful.
Then, after getting back they played with their toys so I got to talk on the phone and read a book (almost finished it). Then we did a baking project where we were creative and tried to make a new cupcake recipe (turned out quite good).
All of these are part of the many reasons I love my job. I get to do goofy and fun things I love with kids I love and they are old enough and mature enough so that they give me down time of my own.
All that and I got to read them a Bible story and reinforce the idea of spending time with Jesus. What could be better?
We went to the mall and checked out the American Girl Doll store. Yes, there's a two-story store for the American Girl Dolls in Tyson's Mall. It was awesome. Sarah spent about 45 minutes trying to figure out what to get.
We then went to the Lego store where Matthew spent about 15 minutes (if that) picking out some toys.
Then onto the frozen yogurt shop in the mall where they both got to experience their first time doing the whole self-serve frozen yogurt thing. Wonderful.
Then, after getting back they played with their toys so I got to talk on the phone and read a book (almost finished it). Then we did a baking project where we were creative and tried to make a new cupcake recipe (turned out quite good).
All of these are part of the many reasons I love my job. I get to do goofy and fun things I love with kids I love and they are old enough and mature enough so that they give me down time of my own.
All that and I got to read them a Bible story and reinforce the idea of spending time with Jesus. What could be better?
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Momentary
I forget how short days can be. The past two days my pain level spiked a good deal and I was frustrated. Maybe frustrated is an understatement. I had some long talks with God about this - and they did not all end with peace and joy. In the midst of pain with no end in sight discouragement set in.
Yet, this morning I woke up with less pain then I've experienced in quite a few weeks. I was more then a little surprised. I feel like God is quietly reminding me of his grace, presence and love. In the midst of a trial of any sort it can be hard to hold onto God's wisdom and goodness. It can be easy to be discouraged, question and doubt; yet through this God knows are frame and that we are but dust (Psalm 103:14), will meet us at our point of need and continue to remind us of his goodness and love. But we must persevere, be honest, and not lose heart. For our God is bigger and he will never leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5).
Yet, this morning I woke up with less pain then I've experienced in quite a few weeks. I was more then a little surprised. I feel like God is quietly reminding me of his grace, presence and love. In the midst of a trial of any sort it can be hard to hold onto God's wisdom and goodness. It can be easy to be discouraged, question and doubt; yet through this God knows are frame and that we are but dust (Psalm 103:14), will meet us at our point of need and continue to remind us of his goodness and love. But we must persevere, be honest, and not lose heart. For our God is bigger and he will never leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5).
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