Two more days and then I'll be done with the semester. I really can't believe that I have been here a year. My brain is still a mush from all the studying I've been doing, otherwise I'd probably take more time to contemplate all that God has taught me over the past semesters, but the one thing I've really realized this week in thinking and talking about my summer plans and next year is that I know I'm where God wants me. And that makes me very happy.
I was less then thrilled about coming to seminary (especially in the south). When I got the phone call I remember exactly where I was - with "my" kids at their mom's office in DC. I didn't pick up, but I saw the 803 area code and just knew it was CIU calling to tell me I was accepted. I don't remember when I finally listened to the message, but I'm pretty sure I cried when I got it; cried because I knew that meant I would be leaving the kids I had grown to love so much, leaving the church I felt so at home in, and leaving friends who meant the world to me (and still do). Every time someone asked me if I was excited about going to seminary I said "no," which left them looking at me with great confusion.
Yet in and through this all I love how faithful God is. Though I missed (and still do at times) all that was before, God has planted me here. He's brought some amazing friends around me, provided me opportunities to minister and serve, and delighted me in what He's continued to reveal to me about Himself and who He has made me to be.
He is faithful and it's amazing to see Him change my heart from simple, faithful obedience to pure delight in His presence and in being able to see Him work all around Him.
"Trust and obey, for there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey". - John H. Sammis
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Active Waiting, Quiet Delight
I was talking to a friend yesterday about waiting. Regardless of where you are in life I feel like you always have something you are waiting for - God to reveal the next step, a relationship to develop, a child to grow, etc. - but this side of heaven things are not perfect and there is always something to wait for. My friend was talking about some of the "active" things she was doing such as continuing to read, changing eating habits, etc. and I was reminded of my times of waiting and how God used that time to grow me. To teach me to rely on him, to read more and pray more. It is good to be in a time of waiting as you can learn to rely on God and you often have the opportunity to take one area of your life to focus on and grow in it.
As I was thinking more about this, I realized the quiet delight that comes from knowing you are where God wants you. In the waiting time, I am seeking God, but I know that until God shows me the next step I am where he wants me, and he likes being with me here. Not out at the next step. When I have those times and moments where I seem to have more time on my hands and or feel especially confused as to why I am still waiting, I can remember that God gave me that time or kept that thing from me so that I can enjoy Him more and grow to trust Him more dully. He's keeping things from me and keeping me still in His wisdom and love, and that's delightful.
As the waiting continues, as God slows me down or says no to a continued plea, may I ever remember the ways He delights over me and cause my soul to rest content in the fullness of who He is.
As I was thinking more about this, I realized the quiet delight that comes from knowing you are where God wants you. In the waiting time, I am seeking God, but I know that until God shows me the next step I am where he wants me, and he likes being with me here. Not out at the next step. When I have those times and moments where I seem to have more time on my hands and or feel especially confused as to why I am still waiting, I can remember that God gave me that time or kept that thing from me so that I can enjoy Him more and grow to trust Him more dully. He's keeping things from me and keeping me still in His wisdom and love, and that's delightful.
As the waiting continues, as God slows me down or says no to a continued plea, may I ever remember the ways He delights over me and cause my soul to rest content in the fullness of who He is.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Happiness in Prayer
Prayer makes me happy, and saying such often gets some strange looks. When I was in Indonesia I experienced the power of prayer in amazing ways in bringing comfort, freeing me from anxiety and fear, and feeling connected with the body of Christ around the world (specifically, from my friends and family who were praying).
Those are some of the reasons I love to engage in prayer - I know that we do not wage war according to the flesh, but we have divine power (2 Cor. 10:3-5). What a happy thought to know that engaging in prayer can defeat the enemy. Prayer is a great spiritual weapon by which we can advance, (Eph. 6:17-18).
Prayer also allows us to enter in with the work others are doing (Col. 4:3, 12). When others ask for prayer or we engage in prayer on behalf of another, we are aiding them in great ways - ways we cannot and probably will not see on earth. How much better our delight in heaven to see how God worked, how greater our happiness when we see the fulfillment and know that God allowed us to participate in it?
The early church also showed unity in corporate prayer and God demonstrated power through their prayer in shaking the earth (Acts 4:22-31) and then in freeing Peter (Acts 12:5-17). There's something special about corporate prayer that I have grown to love as I feel it unites hearts and gives me the privilege to hear another's heart for before God. Unity grows. Power that would not come alone is called upon. How awesome.
But I think the thing I love most about prayer is the fact that God listens and allows me to bring all my cares before him. It is an intimate and precious thing to enter into a time of prayer with God, a time when the God of the whole universe listens and wants me to unburden my heart to him - when he hears my cries, concerns worries. He wants it all, he hears it all, he can handle it all, and he answers it all (even if not in ways I like). But to know that I have this continual access and this opportunity to come before my Father who cares, what could be more delightful then that?
Those are some of the reasons I love to engage in prayer - I know that we do not wage war according to the flesh, but we have divine power (2 Cor. 10:3-5). What a happy thought to know that engaging in prayer can defeat the enemy. Prayer is a great spiritual weapon by which we can advance, (Eph. 6:17-18).
Prayer also allows us to enter in with the work others are doing (Col. 4:3, 12). When others ask for prayer or we engage in prayer on behalf of another, we are aiding them in great ways - ways we cannot and probably will not see on earth. How much better our delight in heaven to see how God worked, how greater our happiness when we see the fulfillment and know that God allowed us to participate in it?
The early church also showed unity in corporate prayer and God demonstrated power through their prayer in shaking the earth (Acts 4:22-31) and then in freeing Peter (Acts 12:5-17). There's something special about corporate prayer that I have grown to love as I feel it unites hearts and gives me the privilege to hear another's heart for before God. Unity grows. Power that would not come alone is called upon. How awesome.
But I think the thing I love most about prayer is the fact that God listens and allows me to bring all my cares before him. It is an intimate and precious thing to enter into a time of prayer with God, a time when the God of the whole universe listens and wants me to unburden my heart to him - when he hears my cries, concerns worries. He wants it all, he hears it all, he can handle it all, and he answers it all (even if not in ways I like). But to know that I have this continual access and this opportunity to come before my Father who cares, what could be more delightful then that?
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Grace for my Weakness
I've been struggling this week with my time with Jesus. I've felt really busy and overwhelmed and have let slip what should be the highest priority. I have also believed this inkling lie that slipped into my thoughts. It's said "You don't need more time in the Word. That's weak. You shouldn't need to keep reading it for help. You'll be fine. Just keep going." Thinking about it today I finally realized how absolutely crazy that lie is. But it also made me recognize my pride.
I often feel weak and helpless when I come to God looking to be filled. I feel like I should be bringing more - more energy, more passion, more love. I feel like needing something from God, something so simple like hope, energy, or love are signs of weakness which equates in my mind with being useless.
Thankfully, Paul leaves a great example to follow, saying he will gladly boast in his weakness, for when he is weak then he is strong in Christ (2 Cor. 12:10). So as the weaknesses continue to become blaringly obvious in my life, I will take hope that my God uses weakness and brokenness, and run to him for help; learning to continually humble myself and accept the grace he desires to pour out.
I often feel weak and helpless when I come to God looking to be filled. I feel like I should be bringing more - more energy, more passion, more love. I feel like needing something from God, something so simple like hope, energy, or love are signs of weakness which equates in my mind with being useless.
Thankfully, Paul leaves a great example to follow, saying he will gladly boast in his weakness, for when he is weak then he is strong in Christ (2 Cor. 12:10). So as the weaknesses continue to become blaringly obvious in my life, I will take hope that my God uses weakness and brokenness, and run to him for help; learning to continually humble myself and accept the grace he desires to pour out.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Personality and Change
It's that time of the semester. Everything is coming due, and even with the most Myers-Briggs "J" like aspects of my character I am not prepared and as on top of things as I normally am which throws me into a bit of a tizzy. I feel that has been something of a model for me this semester - learning to let go of being super-prepared and accept the less-prepared status, the more fluid "get things done when I can" aspect. It fights so hard against my personality!
Learning about one's personality can help in understanding why some things may bother me more then you, and why certain ways you do things may drive me crazy. However good it is to learn about one's personality, it is never good to use personality as an excuse. Hence, my "J"ness, though helpful in planning is not meant to be an excuse to freak out when plans do not go as I thought. Neither is my extrovertedness an excuse to suck the life out of everyone around me; solitude is in fact a wonderful thing. Thankfully, God has ordained situations in my life that continually challenge different aspects of my personality.
I am so thankful that God is working on my personality now, reminding me that He is ultimately in control. I have heard that this is learned in a deep way in marriage, but am thankful that God in His great love for me (and for the benefit of my friends) has brought about situations that have challenged me in how I naturally relate to things, caused me to let go of a lot, and to learn to rely on Him so much more.
Learning about one's personality can help in understanding why some things may bother me more then you, and why certain ways you do things may drive me crazy. However good it is to learn about one's personality, it is never good to use personality as an excuse. Hence, my "J"ness, though helpful in planning is not meant to be an excuse to freak out when plans do not go as I thought. Neither is my extrovertedness an excuse to suck the life out of everyone around me; solitude is in fact a wonderful thing. Thankfully, God has ordained situations in my life that continually challenge different aspects of my personality.
I am so thankful that God is working on my personality now, reminding me that He is ultimately in control. I have heard that this is learned in a deep way in marriage, but am thankful that God in His great love for me (and for the benefit of my friends) has brought about situations that have challenged me in how I naturally relate to things, caused me to let go of a lot, and to learn to rely on Him so much more.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Reflections on Lack of Facebook
So I'm back on facebook now and have had a bit to contemplate some of what God has taught me.
1. I find other ways to distract myself with facebook. It really doesn't matter that I'm off facebook, procrastination still happens :)
2. God will meet my needs, even when I'm not aware that I have them. Sometimes I forget how good it is for me to be around people - facebook makes it easier to make that happen, or at least to feel like it is happening, but without facebook I got to see God work in special ways to send friends my way (or send me to friends). I felt blessed to be in such a position to see God at work.
3. Moderation is good. Anything can be blown out of proportion without proper moderation and I need to remember this as I'm back on facebook.
Overall, it was good to be off facebook, to have a little more time to think about Lent and realize my need of a Savior just a little bit more.
1. I find other ways to distract myself with facebook. It really doesn't matter that I'm off facebook, procrastination still happens :)
2. God will meet my needs, even when I'm not aware that I have them. Sometimes I forget how good it is for me to be around people - facebook makes it easier to make that happen, or at least to feel like it is happening, but without facebook I got to see God work in special ways to send friends my way (or send me to friends). I felt blessed to be in such a position to see God at work.
3. Moderation is good. Anything can be blown out of proportion without proper moderation and I need to remember this as I'm back on facebook.
Overall, it was good to be off facebook, to have a little more time to think about Lent and realize my need of a Savior just a little bit more.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
He is Risen!
And so ends Lent, and the joyous celebration of Easter commences. I love Easter, I love the joy in remembering Christ's conquest, I love that we are to celebrate and I think that is something we Protestant Evangelicals need to learn to do with much more joy and vigor.
In and through the joy of realizing Christ's triumph over sin, his forgiveness of my sin, the reconciliation he has brought between me and God and the hope he offers I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 15:19 which says "If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied." I love this verse because it reminds me that the "craziness" in giving up things for Lent really isn't crazy. It reminds me that the impact of the resurrection is supposed to be impacting my daily life. My life should not look like the world around me, it should look different so that the rest of the world is confused by it; yet in light of eternity I will be secure and quite sane.
The application of Christ's resurrection is essential - without it we are just people who go to a building, sing some songs, and maybe live moral life. Though these things are not bad, they would not lead to a pitiable life. Realizing the fullness of the forgiveness that we have received, realizing the fullness of the power of Christ to conquer all frees us to live radically different lives which are fully surrendered to Christ. A life worth pitying in the world's eyes. That's the kind of life I want to lead.
In and through the joy of realizing Christ's triumph over sin, his forgiveness of my sin, the reconciliation he has brought between me and God and the hope he offers I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 15:19 which says "If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied." I love this verse because it reminds me that the "craziness" in giving up things for Lent really isn't crazy. It reminds me that the impact of the resurrection is supposed to be impacting my daily life. My life should not look like the world around me, it should look different so that the rest of the world is confused by it; yet in light of eternity I will be secure and quite sane.
The application of Christ's resurrection is essential - without it we are just people who go to a building, sing some songs, and maybe live moral life. Though these things are not bad, they would not lead to a pitiable life. Realizing the fullness of the forgiveness that we have received, realizing the fullness of the power of Christ to conquer all frees us to live radically different lives which are fully surrendered to Christ. A life worth pitying in the world's eyes. That's the kind of life I want to lead.
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